“Mom?”
“Yeah, sorry, sorry. I’m... I wasn’t expecting...” There’s a clearly muffled sob this time, and her voice trembles as she says, “I called because I—I needed to hear your voice. I’ve missed you so much. And I... Iknowhow much I messed up. I know that now. I hope you’ll let me apologize, and I hope we can try again.”
I’ve wanted to hear those words for so long that it almost doesn’t seem real. I turn and press my forehead against Alex’schest, and his arm squeezes my shoulders again. “It’s been six years, Mom.”
“I know, I know,” she says. “Please, please, can I explain?”
I take another slow breath in and out, and I nod into Alex. “I’m listening.”
There’s a short pause, and then she says, “Thank you.” In the background, there’s some rustling and then a jingling, like keys being set down on a counter. “Um, so...”
She hesitates again, and in the silence, I pretend that I can picture her as she is now. Probably much the same as she was, maybe with a little gray hair and a few more wrinkles. And maybe she’s standing in the kitchen, still wearing her work uniform, one hand resting on the counter while she closes her eyes, trying to figure out what to say.
I open my eyes and shake my head. “Mom?”
“I was selfish that summer,” she finally blurts out. With a sad sigh, she continues, her voice wavering as she speaks. “Just before you graduated, Patrick came back to town. He told me all sorts of things, how it would be different this time around, howhewould be different this time around. And I believed him. I believed everything he told me. When I found out how he hurt you again, I kicked him out, but I... I still didn’t...” She pauses, and there’s another sniffle and a quiet sob. “Nico, baby, I messed up so much. I had myself believing things that weren’t true, about you, about me, about everything. And I kept digging myself deeper into that hole. Patrick went to jail after what he did to you, but he was out again after a year, and he came back,again, a-and I...” Her voice catches as she stutters through her next words. “I-I... I let him,again. But the winter before last, around your birthday when you turned twenty-three, it finally really hit me, how much all of my decisions had hurt you and me and us. I... I became depressed. Patrick left me, moved down to Florida or something, I don’teven care anymore. And everything got so bad I was almost fired. Melinda, my boss, finally convinced me to get help.”
“Get help?” I echo, and I feel Alex’s fingers brush my cheek softly, wiping away a tear.
“Yeah.” She lets out a ragged breath and says, “I... I started seeing a therapist in Omaha. Twice a week at first. Now I go once a week.”
My heart clenches in my chest, and I cling to Alex and force out a weak “oh.”
With what sounds like renewed conviction, she continues. “It was the first step I needed to take to get my life back,” she says. “And I’ve been working very hard on myself every day. I... know I hurt you, Nico, and—and I’m your mom, and I shouldn’t have done that. Ever. I can’t take back what happened, but I’m working hard, still, all the time, to be sure I’m no longer that person. I hope... I hope you’ll believe me when I say I’m so sorry for everything I did to hurt you. I also understand if you can’t trust me, but I would really, really like the chance to show you that I’ve changed—that I’m working to be who you need me to be.”
I’m shaking, my breathing fast and stilted, and I bury my face against Alex as he holds me tighter. “I want that,” I say, and I sniffle and turn so I’m not mumbling into my boyfriend’s chest. “I missed you, too, Mom.”
She breaks down then, crying, and she doesn’t try to hide it. She repeats a lot of what she just said—how sorry she is, how much help therapy has been. And she tells me that she loves me and that she’ll do everything she can to show me that.
When she finishes, I’m still shaking, but Alex hasn’t let me go. He holds me gently, kisses my cheek, and whispers in my ear that he loves me and that I should breathe again. I laugh and elbow his side.
“Ow,” he complains, but he’s smiling when I look up at him. Iclose my eyes and settle my head back on his shoulder.
“Who are you with? Was that... Alex?” my mom asks, though her tone is almost reluctant, like she’s scared to say anything that might make me hang up. Or maybe like she knows she’s not entitled to any information about my life if I don’t want to share.
But I do want to share. I’ve wanted her to know how happy I am, how this life I’ve built with Alex is everything I ever dreamed of. So I nod, curl up against him, and give her just a little bit.
“Yeah, it’s Alex. We live together out here in California. He’s my boyfriend.”
Chapter Six
Alex
ThesmoothskinofNico’s stomach caresses my lips as I trail a path of kisses slowly down past his navel. He smells of warmth and vanilla, and I pause to breathe him in as my fingers draw lazy circles on the inside of his bare thigh.
Morning lovemaking wasn’t on my list of to-dos today, but he woke me up a bit ago, teasing his fingertips down over my nipples and wedging his knee between my legs. Now he’s on his back, naked, his eyes closed and his hands stroking my hair as I kiss my way up and down his body.
He’s quiet, as he sometimes is on mornings like this. No words, no crying out my name, no fast panting or loud moans. It’s him needing me in a different way. And so everything is slow, sensual, tender. It’s soft kisses, gentle touches. Usually he wants my mouth to bring him to his climax, but he’ll let me know exactly what he needs when he’s ready.
We take our time.
My slow kisses find their way out to his hip and then back up along his side and inward again until his nipple is in my mouth. I suck gently on the stiff bud, and he encourages me, his hands still in my hair. When I switch to the other side after a few moments, he lets out a soft sigh, and his hands slide down my upper back torest just below my shoulder blades.
“Alex,” he breathes.
I swirl my tongue around his nipple and suck lightly as I lift my eyes to meet his. He’s watching me, bliss on his face, and he smiles softly and brings a hand back up to run through my hair.
I close my eyes again and continue fluttering kisses up to his neck, along his jawline, behind his ear. And all the while, I continue to stroke his inner thigh, down to his knee and back up, the tips of my fingers teasing just high enough to graze the base of his cock. There’s a quiet hum of approval, and so I repeat the touch, my flat palm running down to his knee and back up again.
