Alex (12:07 p.m.):perfect
Alex (12:07 p.m.):just takin care of my man
Nico (12:08 p.m.):Again, need a real eye roll emoji
Nico (12:09 p.m.):But seriously, thank you so much. You don’t know how much I appreciate this. Really
Alex (12:09 p.m.):I love you <3
Nico (12:09 p.m.):I love you too
Alex (12:10 p.m.):c u l8r
Alex (12:10 p.m.):;)
Shaking my head, I wipe the tears from the corners of my eyes, and then I just sit there, staring at the flowers and card as I let my heart settle. The gratitude and love I feel are overwhelming, an intense warmth spreading outward from my chest, and it’s only after a few minutes that I’m finally able to breathe.
I send him one more text—a short row of red heart emojis followed by a rose emoji—and then I push back my chair, pick up the box of strawberries, and move to the bed again for an afternoonof wasting time playing video games.
“Ready?”
“No.”
Alex laughs, and then he scoots closer to me on the edge of the bed, kisses my cheek, and wraps me up in a tight, warm hug. “You can do this,” he whispers into my ear. “I’m here with you, and no matter what she says, she can’t hurt you anymore. You’re stronger than that.”
I nod, trying to feel the truth in his words. “You’re right.”
I straighten up and glance down at my phone as Alex’s hand finds my lower back.
“One step at a time. She called you, she’s—”
“—the one who should do most of the talking,” I finish for him, and he nods. We talked about this earlier, so I’d hopefully have some idea of what to expect. But that doesn’t stop me from being nervous now. “Okay.”
I blow out a short breath and slowly type in her phone number—the same one she’s had for as long as I can remember. Then I pull my feet up onto the bed, lean against Alex, and press the call button.
It rings. And rings again.
“Hello?”
Her voice sounds exactly as it always has—slightly annoyed, like she’s in the middle of something and has somewhere else to be and something else to be doing. It’s familiar but also just as painful as I expected it to be.
I close my eyes as Alex’s hand rubs up and down my back. “Um, hi, Mom.” Once the words are out, my chest tightens, and I shrinkinto myself a little, curling up against Alex. His hand slips around my shoulders, and he gives me a gentle squeeze.
The silence on the other end of the line is suffocating, like it’s taking up all of the space around me, sucking the air out of the room. Then there’s a sharp sound, followed by my mom’s voice again, different this time, softer but strained with disbelief.
“Nico?”
“Yeah.” When she doesn’t respond, I add, “You left a message for me a couple weeks ago.”
“I did. I did,” she says, and she sniffles, though I can hear she’s trying to cover it up. “God, I—god, it’s so good to hear your voice. I-I didn’t—I didn’t think you were going to call me back.”
I’m not sure whether to say I almost didn’t, and I can feel my shoulders tightening up, my jaw clenching, my teeth grinding. So instead, I just skip that and any other pleasantries that might normally be considered appropriate, and I get right to the point. “Why did you call, Mom?”
Alex kisses the top of my head and whispers, “Breathe.”
And I shake my head and pull the phone away from my ear. “I am breathing.” Then I take a long, deliberate breath as I bring the phone back up.
My mom is still quiet, sort of. I can hear her sniffling and taking short breaths, like she keeps trying to say something but nothing comes.
