It was just too much for him still.
Maybe it always would be.
But he tried. Every day, he tried to push through, to push past the things that were hard. He tried to talk, even when he was sure he couldn’t. He tried to spend little bits of time around people, strangers, even, at least when Jake was with him. He’d walked down to the café alone yesterday. Met Jake there for lunch. It wasonly a few stores down, but it had been some huge accomplishment to him that he’d been able to do it alone and without panicking.
He’d also finally managed a few sessions with his therapist where he’d talked atinybit. Jake had been there with him then, holding his hand, and that had seemed to lend him much more strength than it ought to. He’d had to pretend he was talking to Jake, and the few words he had spoken weren’t anything super important or deep. But it had been another thing that felt like a huge step forward for him, and the therapist had been wonderful and encouraging.
And so, he would keep trying. And he’d keep helping Janice here at the bookstore, keep running his book club during the school year, keep... going, hoping that maybe someday he’d get there—wherevertherewas.
His cell phone buzzed from his pocket just as he was about to get started on the computer, and he pulled out the phone and grinned as he saw Jake’s name pop up with a row of several red heart emojis and a short text asking about lunch. Still smiling, and feeling maybe a little silly for it, Rye sent a short text back, telling Jake they could meet at the café at twelve thirty. He sent a row of red heart emojis, too.
Then he set his phone down and got to work.
Jakehadnoidea,did he? Actually, maybe he did. Maybe he knew exactly what he was doing, running his hand low along Rye’s back as Rye flipped burgers on the grill outside on Jake’s patio later that evening. Maybe he knew exactly how it was making Rye feel—warm and tingly and a bit flustered, really.
Rye couldn’t tell, though. And he really didn’t want Jake to stop, so he didn’t bring it up. He just kept listening as Jake talked about... whatever he was talking about. Scheduling something. Scheduling... oh, right. Rye’s test to receive his driver’s license.
Blinking away his complete lack of focus, Rye turned and faced Jake, hoping that would help him be able to actually hear Jake’s words over the sound of his heart pounding in his chest.
“Yeah, so, I called and spoke with someone at the DMV in Eureka, and unfortunately, they don’t offer those types of accommodations,” Jake said with a grimace. “You’re only allowed to have the tester from the DMV there in the car with you. However, they did say all of their testers are women, and that you wouldn’t be expected to have to speak with them at all. Any communication canbe done in writing, before you start driving or when the test is over. During the test itself, they’ll speak to give you instructions on where to go, but you wouldn’t be expected or required to say anything back.”
Rye frowned but nodded, and then turned back to the grill. “That’s reasonable. I’m just not sure if... if I can. Maybe... maybe I just have to wait longer. Being in a car with a stranger—it’d probably be too much,” he admitted. And he kind of wished he’d just keptnotfocusing on Jake’s words, because that hadn’t been the news he’d wanted. They’d offered him such reasonable accommodations when he’d taken his GEDs, but the requirements for getting his driver’s license were less flexible, it seemed.
Jake’s hand came to rest on Rye’s lower back again, and Rye sighed and closed his eyes as he let the gentle touch soothe him.
“You can drive with your mom. Maybe try with Tanya and Janice too,” Jake suggested. “And if you can drive with them, then maybe we go ahead and schedule the exam and give it a try. If not, well, you can keep practicing until you’re more ready.” Jake moved a little closer behind him, and one of his arms slipped around Rye’s midsection in a much more intimate embrace. Rye leaned back against him with a quiet hum of approval.
He loved when Jake held him like this. He’d honestly thought he wouldn’t be able to handle it, but thankfully, that hadn’t been the case. At least not so far.
“That’s a good idea. I’ll try to talk to Janice tomorrow. I did drive with Tanya once, and it wasn’t awful. Well, I mean, Tanya thought it was awful, probably. I almost ran a stop sign. You know, maybe I’m just not cut out to drive,” Rye said, shaking his head at himself.
It wasn’t the worst thing in the world if that was true. Jake had told him before that he didn’t mind driving Rye around, and Rye’s mom didn’t really seem to mind either. But Rye sort of wanted the option to drive himself sometimes, especially if he ever expected to be able to work at the school. He’d been saving his money, too, since he’d been getting regular paychecks from Janice now, and he had enough saved for a decent used car.
But maybe it just wasn’t in the cards for him. At least not right now.
He straightened back up and started to check the burgers.
Jake’s arm loosened from around him, and Jake stepped up beside him to put the hamburger buns on the grill. “It’s perfectly fine if you think you aren’t ready to test yet. You still have, what, eight months left on your permit?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright, yeah. So no rush, and you can just keep practicing and see where it takes you. Okay?”
Rye nodded, and he let Jake’s hand on his back distract him again as he finished cooking.
They sat outside on the patio to eat—as they normally did when the weather was nice and warm like today. Rye had made potato salad, and Jake had cut up some watermelon. Plus they had more cookies from Krista. She seemed content to restock Jake’s supply whenever they were running low—though how she alwaysknewthey were running low, Rye wasn’t sure. The last time she’d visited, she’d confessed to Rye how happy she was that she didn’t feel the need to also make a bunch of casseroles and things for Jake to freeze, since Rye enjoyed cooking for both of them now.
And he did. It also made him happy, being able to give something back to Jake after all Jake had given him.
When they finished eating, they settled back on the patio sofa together, not talking, and they watched as the sun sank lower and lower in the sky, its light changing from a bright almost-white to a deep, bold yellow. The sky, too, changed from blue to a dramatic gradient of vibrant pinks and oranges, the colors reflecting off the ocean waves below.
Just as the bottom of the sun seemed to touch the horizon, Rye pulled his feet under himself and snuggled up next to Jake with a contented sigh, and Jake’s arm slipped around Rye’s shoulders.
He was comfortable. And happy. And even if he didn’t yet have his driver’s license or the job at the school, he hadthis. This sunset. This view. This spot right here. In Jake’s arms.
He had that.
And he . . . loved it.
