Another rush of warmth coursed through Ollie as Sam’s hands caressed along his lower back, and he leaned closer until his lips just brushed against Sam’s neck. “Kiss me,” he whispered.
And as though that was all the encouragement he needed, Sam exhaled a sharp breath and slowly lowered his mouth to Ollie’s, their lips meeting in another kiss that Ollieeagerly deepened. Ollie pressed himself into Sam, muffling a moan into Sam’s mouth as the sweet pressure of his arousal brushing against Sam’s sent waves of pleasure through him. Sam stumbled backwards until his back hit the door, and Ollie let his hands thread up higher into Sam’s dark hair, tugging him closer.
Sam’s hands began exploring, somehow finding their way to the hem of Ollie’s shirt and then tentatively slipping under to tease lightly across his abdomen. Ollie tore his lips away and moaned as Sam’s hands stopped at his waist, his fingers flexing into Ollie’s sensitive skin, pulling Ollie’s hips just a little closer.
Panting, Ollie lowered his head to rest on Sam’s shoulder, his hands now clasped at the back of Sam’s neck. He could feel the rapid rise and fall of his boyfriend’s chest and hear the wild thumping of his own heart, racing much too fast.
“Ollie . . .”
A hot breath against his cheek. Lips trailing kisses along his jawline. Fingers pressing his hips closer, gently but firmly.
A dark haze clouding his vision.
Then... hands grabbing him, roughly pushing him against the wall. A breath stinking of alcohol and cigarettes whispering in his ear to keep quiet. Twisted laughter, then two more pairs of hands tugging his shorts down around his ankles. A scream. His scream. Muffled by a hand clasping over his mouth. And pain.
“Ollie, please, love. I’m here. God, I’m sorry, love. Please, Oll.”
The hands turned soft again. A gentle touch on his cheek and a soft caress at his waist, over his shirt this time.
“Please, Oll, come back to me here. I love you. I love you so much.”
The voice was Sam’s. The touch was Sam’s.
Sam. His boyfriend. The man he trusted more than anyone he’d ever trusted before.
Tears he hadn’t even realized he was crying streamed down his cheeks as he collapsed against Sam’s chest.
“I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I-I don’t—I don’t know what—what I was thinking,” Ollie stammered, letting Sam lead him away from the front door and over to the couch in the small living room.
“No, love, shh. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here.”
Sam’s voice sounded almost far away now, but Ollie felt the heat and solidness of his embrace as they sat together on the couch. He leaned into Sam as his body shook with sobs, and Sam just held him tighter, pulling Ollie flush against his chest, while continuing to murmur quiet, comforting words in his ear. God, what would he do without Sam?
“It’s . . . I just . . . I just don’t want . . .”
“I know, love. But it takes time. Remember what Dr. Solvang said. You... you can’t rush it, love. We can’t rush it. And...”
“Sam . . . it’s been almost two years.”
“I know, love.”
“I can’t expect you to wait for me forever,” Ollie mumbled, letting go of Sam’s T-shirt long enough to wipe the tears from his cheeks.
“Ollie... I’ve told you, I’ll wait as long as you need.”
“But . . .”
Sam shook his head and brushed a kiss on Ollie’s forehead. “No, love. There’s nowhere I’d rather be, no one I’d rather be with.” He felt Sam let out a long breath. “When I say ‘as long as you need,’ I mean that. I love you. And that means... I’ll wait as long as you need. Please believe me, Oll.”
Ollie pulled his knees up onto the couch and curled up against his boyfriend. He believed Sam. Or at least, he wanted to believe Sam. And he wanted to be able to tell him so. Even morethan that, he wanted to be able to say the words he just knew had to be true.
I love you too, Sam.
But his heart and his mind remained at odds, one pleading to be heard while the other stayed stubbornly closed off. A heavy weight settled on his chest, even as his body stopped trembling and the chill of his flashback faded, and he continued to cling to Sam, desperate to feel the warmth of Sam’s love.
After a few more minutes, Sam shifted them just a little, and then he brushed Ollie’s hair off his forehead and placed a light kiss on his lips. “Let me make you pancakes, love?”
With a weak nod, Ollie sat up and pushed himself away from Sam. “Yeah, I’ll just... go shower then.”
