He was a terrible boyfriend, but a good friend.
“Shit,” Julies mutters. “I never thought our first funeral would be his or so soon.”
“Me either,” I admit, blinking back tears.
We always knew we’d have to bury one another one day. It’s part of our lives. We even made a pact not to be upset, but to celebrate the life we had. We were kids, though, and it’s different when it actually happens.
It seems they don’t know what to say, and neither do I.
“I’ll handle the arrangements,” I confirm. “I’ll let you know when.”
“So . . . it’s just us three now?” Chen asks. “Who will go car shopping with me?”
“Or strip clubs with me?” Julies teases, but it’s choked.
“Who will annoy me?” I add, and our laughs are bitter. “We’ll keep the promise we made when we were seventeen. We won’t sit around and mope. We will celebrate life and remember him.”
“We don’t have to honor the entire promise, do we?” Julies asks. “Including the naked statue?”
I smile, even if it’s a small one. “I don’t think we’ll go that far, though he would have loved it.”
“That asshole would,” Chen jokes. “Well, shit . . .”
“I know, man,” Julies says. “How about we meet tonight for a drink? I fucking need one.”
“Me too,” I agree.
“Third. The usual place?” Chen responds.
“Yeah.” I hang up, having nothing else to say, and I know they are struggling with the same issue. The four of us have been together since birth. We are a little family. We fight and fuck up, but we are family, and now part of it is gone and we all feel it.
I thought I was so powerful, nothing could ever touch me, but I was wrong, and it cost Faiz his life.
FIFTY-ONE
Iknow Zai needed to see his friends, but I pace, riddled with concern. He’s still so messed up after what happened.
When he stumbles into my apartment, drunk as hell, it doesn’t surprise me. Yuki warned me, but I catch him and help him to the couch. I give him some water and pills as he flops on the cushions, staring at my ceiling. It’s clear from his red eyes he’s been crying, but he smiles when he looks at me.
“There’s my handsome boyfriend,” he exclaims. “I want a hug.”
Setting the glass down, I tug him into my arms, and he hiccups as he leans into me, holding me so tightly, it hurts, but I don’t say anything.
Pulling back after a while, I cup his flushed face and stare into his eyes. “You know you don’t have to pretend for me, right? You are allowed to be sad. You’re allowed to miss him and hurt. You loved him, baby. I’m not jealous or mad, just worried about you. Don’t bottle it up.”
His lip trembles for a moment as he searches my gaze, looking more sober than before. “I love you,” Zia tells me, except there are tears in his eyes.
“I know, baby. Why are you crying?” I ask as I sweep my thumb under his swollen eye and wipe it away.
“Because I never thought I’d love anyone again. I thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life, living in the shadow of what I lost, and then you came and shone the light on me and made it all better. You taught me love didn’t have to hurt and that it could be kind and healing. I love you so much that it terrifies me. I don’t want to lose you like I lost him.” My heart breaks as he speaks, and I cup his face as I make my words firm so he understands me.
“Never,” I vow vehemently. “You will never lose me. I will always be here. We are going to grow old together. I’m going to see your hair turn naturally gray, and when I’m too old and can’t fight anymore, you’ll take care of me, and I’ll become your house husband, cooking for you every day and supporting you. We’ll spend holidays with our families and come home to our bed. We’ll live a normal, happy life. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll look after you until your last breath.”
“What if you go first?” he jokes, making me smile.
“Not possible,” I whisper. “I’d never leave you alone, not for a moment. You’ll go first, and I’ll follow right behind you so we can be together in the afterlife as well. I’m sorry it took me so long to find you, my love, but I promise you’ll never be alone again.”
He searches my gaze, as if needing to see it’s true. “Take me to upstairs?” he implores. “Remind me how much you love me. Remind me that we are okay. Take me to bed, my love.”
