I don’t know if I can ever move past this. In our world, death is a given, and you know better than to trust people, but I did. I trusted him, I loved him, and now he’s gone.
I forgive him, though, and I’m glad he got to hear that before he died. Whatever else happened between us, he truly loved me, and he proved that by keeping me safe.
I don’t remember getting home, but I wake in my room at my dad’s house. Nikko is wrapped around my back, and my dad is hunched over in a chair by the bed, holding my hand in his. Yuki is at his side, his head tipped back as he snores. As I stare at my family, I let it soothe the hurt in my chest and close my eyes once more.
When I wake again, everyone is gone.
I lie in bed with Faiz’s face locked in my mind until I can’t handle it anymore. I need to pull myself together. I need to see where everyone is and arrange everything, not sit here feeling sorry for myself. I force myself to get out of bed, even when I want to curl up and cry again. I shower and dress in Nikko’s shirt and some pants, wanting comfort and his scent, then I head downstairs, where I hear voices.
I hesitate at the doorway, my eyes widening when I see the table filled with people.
My father sits in his spot, Nikko is in his, and my chair is empty. Yuki sits opposite my seat. Charlie, Nikko’s dad, and the rest of Nexus fill the remaining chairs. All noise dies as I enter, and I feel unsure and awkward.
“There you are,” Nikko’s dad says. “About time. I’m starving. Come on, son.”
Nodding, I step around the table and sit. As soon as I do, Nikko wraps his arm around me. “Are you okay?” he whispers.
“Don’t ask me that or I’ll cry again,” I mutter, hating to admit it.
“Then cry if you want to,” he says, kissing my temple. “Nobody here will judge you.”
I nod and watch as his father makes me an overflowing plate of food and thrusts it at me. “Eat, you need your strength.”
“Thank you,” I reply softly before I look at my dad.
“I’m fine,” he says. “I’m handling everything. Don’t worry?—”
“No, I can do that?—”
“No, you can’t, and you shouldn’t. I’m old, not dead. I can do this much for you, so let me. You just need to focus on eating and being okay,” my father orders, and I nod, slumping in relief.
“I need to tell Julies and Chan,” I say.
“Do you want me to be there when you do?” Nikko asks.
“No, I need to do this. I have to for Faiz.” Nikko nods in understanding as I pick at my food.
They can’t replace the hole Faiz left or the horrors last night added to my already nightmare-filled head, but I’m not alone in this.
I have a whole family around me, people willing to do anything to make sure I’m happy and safe. I won’t ever forget Faiz, but I can finally move on.
I have to for him and for me.
I can’t live in the past forever. I have to take a step forward, even if it hurts. As last night proved, life is too short to waste, and I don’t plan to ever again.
I will always be a Xander, always be a bad man, but to these people at my table, I am just Zia, and that is all I need.
“What’s up, man?” Chan greets when he answers the three-way call, and a moment later, Julies’s half-asleep voice fills my phone.
“This better be good. I was having a dream about the tightest pussy I’d ever felt.”
That would usually make me smile, but as I stare out at my father’s garden, I can’t muster one up. “Faiz is dead.” My announcement falls into the silence. “His parents were behind the attacks. He found out last night, and when his father tried to kill me, Faiz took the bullet. I’m sorry.”
They are quiet for a moment. “Fuck,” Chan mutters. “He always knew he would go down in a blaze of glory.”
That shocks me.
“Faiz loved you, loved all of us, and the fact that he died for what he loved? I won’t dishonor that, but I’m sorry, Z. I know how much he meant to you. He was a good friend.”
