Restless energy vibrates just under the surface and, as tired as I am, as much as my eyes burn with exhaustion, I just can’t seem to fall asleep.
I don’t know how to deal—how to process this.
The walls of my bedroom should feel safe but they don’t. Nothing feels safe anymore.
How did I get myself into such a mess?Giovanni is one thing, but Koen?
Koenfoundme. He fucking found me.Fuck.
He thinks I might tell someone about what I saw in that warehouse the other night. What if he’s watching me? If he is, it’s only a matter of time before he finds out about Remi. Will he suspect she’s his?
Koen O’Rourke isn’t known for his mercy. I might not have known who he was when we met, but I sure as hell know who he is now. Everyone knows who he is, especially in myneighborhood. You don’t cross him and you don’t look him in the eye. Not if you want to live.
In the hours and days since I found him waiting for me in my room, I’ve been on high alert. Barely sleeping, nervously pacing, utterly fixated on the tiny, little, unshakeable feeling in the back of my brain that I’m being watched.
It could be Giovanni’s men, it could be Koen’s, or it very well could be nothing. Maybe I’m just imagining it. Paranoia setting in.
But what if itisKoen out there? He was worried I’d talk, tell the cops or go to the media, or whoever would listen, about his brother bashing some piece of shit’s face in with a baseball bat.
I’ve only told Lily.Oh god, does that put her in danger?Even if I didn’t know about Daniel, a cop who’s clearly involved in whatever operation was going down in the dark… The cops couldn’t be trusted and, even if they could, I wouldn’t have said anything, because honestly… Aidan O’Rourke did me a favor.
Was it gruesome?
Yes.
Am I traumatized for life?
Probably.
But I’d gotten away. I’m alive. If the Irish Devils hadn’t shown up… I don’t even want to think about where I might be right now.
Throwing off the blankets, the cold leeches into my bare feet as I pad over to the window. It’s large, dirty, and old. Our apartment building is the last one on this block that hasn’t been condemned, but judging by the state of it, it’s only a matter of time.
I hadn’t bothered with curtains. The building next door has sat abandoned for over a decade. I haven’t needed them—couldn’t afford them, if I’m being honest.Why the fuck do curtains cost so much money anyway?
I lean up against my window frame, staring down into the dark alley under my window. It’s empty, except for the dark corner of shadow I can’t quite see into. My eyes narrow as the light bends and I swear I catch a glimpse of movement?—
“You need me to drop Remi at daycare again tomorrow?”
I jump a mile at the sound of Lily’s voice, finding her leaning in the doorway out to the hall.
“You okay?” There’s concern in her eyes and alarm at my reaction.
A chill races up my spine, and I look back over my shoulder into the shadow of the alley below again, finding nothing, and rubbing my arm to comfort myself.
Stop it. You’re fine. Maybe you have PTSD or something.
“What is it?” Lily comes closer, joining me at the window.
“Nothing,” I pause, scanning the alley below us again. “I just—I don’t know. I can’t shake this feeling like I’m being watched.” I force myself away from the window, collapsing on my bed and wrapping my arms protectively around myself, trying to calm the anxiety that feels like a live wire in my chest.
Lily looks between me and the window as if unsure what to do. Comfort me—or wage war on the empty brick alleyway outside.
“Briar, are you sure you don’t want to call the police?”
“No police.” I shoot up, and the look on my face is enough to make my best friend throw her hands up in immediate defeat.
“Okay, okay, no police. But this—” She looks over and finds me jittery, anxious and fidgeting on the bed. “This isn’t healthy.”
