“We’re talking severance packages next weekend,” he says. “Come in on Saturday and we’ll discuss.”
“No, we will not,” I say. “I will not be coming into this office on the weekend. I quit.”
That feels almost, but not quite, as good as when Bittern went down on me in the hallway. Turning on my heel, I stride down the hall, past the empty cubicles, to the elevator. Realistically, I know I’m just another in a long line of employees who’ve quit on him this week, but that was for me. It was for all the tears I shed post-breakup, all the turmoil I went through in the last week.
It was for me, who didn’t stand up for herself before now.
Tonight, I’m going to start packing my things. Tomorrow, I’m going to ask Dad for a loan so I can go downtown and break my lease. I don’t know what the future holds, but this is my break in the clouds, my chance to figure out what I really want.
If that’s going home to Ryder Ranch and loving Bittern Hatfield, that would be more than alright.
Stepping out onto the street, I smile.
I thought when I picked a path, I had to stick to it, but maybe the point of moving here and working that job wasn’t to stay there forever. Maybe it was to learn to stand up for myself and listen to my heart instead of shoving everything down and pretending everything was alright when it clearly wasn’t.
All I know for sure is, I won’t be doing that again.
From now on, I’m going after what I want.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
BITTERN
She’s gone for three days. I spend it working my ass off in an attempt to keep my mind quiet. On the third day, Ed brings a handful of wranglers up to the rocky cave area that used to separate Ryder Ranch from Aiden’s farm. It sustained some damage from the fire and bringing in trucks to clear all the debris. This week, we’re hauling brush out and filling in some holes to hold back the erosion of the cliff face. It sounds like a good thing to keep me busy, so I volunteer to go with them.
I take Starling, riding her at an easy trot up the hill. She’s a good horse, solid and dependable. I think she’s taken a liking to me, she’s always running the fence line when I’m out in the field, trying to get to wherever I’m at.
We tie the horses and get our gloves on. It’s slow, hot work, pulling back branches and vines that have already overtaken the rocks. Ed thinks we’re gonna need to put up some support wire to keep the rocks from coming down. I reckon we should talk to Deacon. He might want us to just blow it and let the rocks settle.
“Knowing Deacon, he’ll want to blow it up,” Ed says.
I yank back a thick bundle of sticks and vine, and Ed grabs my shoulder, jerking me back as the whole damn thing comes slithering down. It falls in a heap, throwing up a cloud of dust. We both spit, wiping our eyes. The dust settles, and my stomach does a flip-flop motion like a fish out of water.
On the cliff face is a cave-like tunnel leading to nowhere but darkness.
My body tingles. I can smell it—underground. Cold. Dry and damp all at once.
My stomach starts churning. A hot tingle moves up my spine. Around me, I can hear the wranglers moving in to investigate. They step into the front area, talking, laughing. Their bodies blur, jerking like stop-motion. I’m in the middle of it, frozen to the ground with my heart pumping in my throat.
“You good?”
I’m trying to answer. Ed’s face swims in my vision.
“Hey, man, you good?” he asks. “You’re fucking white as a sheet.”
From somewhere behind, I hear faint hoofbeats thundering up the hill. I can’t move, can’t speak. I’m just standing there like I’ve been turned to stone. But I can see in my periphery as Deacon appears, pulling Bones, his horse, to a halt and swinging down. He’s talking, laughing with one of the wranglers. Then, he looks over and sees Ed and me, and he sobers, eyes narrowing. It takes a second for him to come up the little incline and stop beside me.
“You boys good?” he asks.
“Don’t know,” Ed says, swinging his gaze on me.
I don’t move. Deacon’s eyes flick over me then turn to the mouth of the cave. He clears his throat.
“Need you down at the barn, Bittern,” he says. “Go on. Get your horse.”
My body unlocks. Somewhere behind, I hear them talking, and I feel like a fucking failure for not being able to hold it together. Then, Deacon’s striding along beside me, heading for the horses.
“It’s all good,” he says.
