Last evening after dinner, West had explained to his family about the lost investment in theTrade Winds,and the need for a new plan moving forward.It had been a humbling experience, and he had a hard time thinking of a moment in his life where he had felt so low, other than earlier that same day when Priscilla had so precisely told him everything that was wrong with him.
Most of his family had been sympathetic and supportive, rallying around him and letting him know they believed he would find another way forward. John had been devastated, feeling responsible for having brought the opportunity to West in the first place. But Haven had been irate, ranting about how West would be the ruin of them all.
Now his sister was bearing the consequences it seemed.
Colleen was examining him critically. “Don’t worry about me, I know how to handle Haven. I’m more concerned about you. I don’t mean to be indelicate speaking on such matters, but it seems to me that a solution to many of your troubles may be right in front of you. If you haven’t already messed it up, that is.”
Colleen sat down in the chair opposite West, giving him the knowing look only a sibling could. “West, where is Priscilla? She did not join us for dinner last night, and I noticed she left veryearly this morning. Have you driven her off when a marriage to her and the fortune she brings with it could be a solution for everything?”
West let out a groan and rested his head on the back of his chair, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn’t look at his sister when he made this particular confession. “I was never going to marry her, Colleen.”
“What do you mean? Whyever not—she’s perfect for you.” Collen appeared genuinely shocked.
West groaned again and dropped his head into his hands. Taking in a deep breath, he sat up and prepared himself for the humiliation of explaining everything to his sister. As succinctly as possible, he told her of the idea for the feigned relationship, their feelings becoming all too real, and the confrontation Priscilla had finally had with him yesterday before leaving.
“Oh, West,” Collen said sympathetically. Reaching over the desk, she clasped his hand. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but she’s right, brother. You’re letting father haunt you and take up entirely too much space in your life. He’s not worth it,” she said bitterly.
“Forget everything about him. Don’t miss out on a chance to be truly happy. At least one of us deserves to be so.” Not for the first time, West wondered about the state of his sister’s marriage and mourned that circumstances in both their lives had not allowed them to be close enough for him to know.
“West, go to her. Not because her money can save you, but because you love her. That should matter so much more than anything else.”
Looking at Colleen, he wished that he could find a way to ensure that she too could be happy. Knowing that it was his father’s machinations which had matched her with Haven, leading to her current uneasy situation, he struggled with howhe would let go of his petty need to subvert the man’s every wish. Choking up, West finally said, “I don’t know how to do that.”
“Do you love her?” Collen asked bluntly.
“Yes,” West allowed himself to admit for the first time. “She helps me feel calmer. When it’s just the two of us together, I can talk to her about anything, and she makes me feel like I can accomplish whatever I want to. And I know she would support me through everything.”
Colleen nodded. “I saw that when Haven confronted you about your valet. Priscilla stood behind you without hesitation even though she was unaware of everything that lay behind that conversation. She would be a good partner and wife to you. Then let me ask you this—do you love her because of her standing within polite society?”
“Certainly not!”
“And are you going to marry her for her money?”
“I would never do that,” he said vehemently.
“Then the reasons you wish to be with her are the opposite of why father would be interested in her to begin with. You are nothing like him after all, and you can take joy in knowing your motivations would not please him in the slightest.”
Colleen rose and walked around the desk to kiss him on the cheek before leaving, her words still ringing in the air as she made her goodbye.
More than anything, West wanted to be a better man. To be a man who could let go of his desire to make his father roll over in his grave, not caring what he would have thought with every action West took. But he didn’t know how to think in a way that wasn’t always reverting back to the question, what would father think?
Priscilla was so much healthier than he was. She had no problem defying her parents’ expectations if it meant finding herown satisfaction. Apparently, he was too petty to have been able to do the same. Until now.
West did truly want to be his own man. And by choosing Priscilla, as both she and his sister had suggested, maybe he could take the first step in being true to himself. By doing so, he could prove that he was not like his father at all. Colleen was right, he needed to see Priscilla first and foremost, and tell her that he didn’t want to live without her.
CHAPTER 30
It was a long journey back to London. Eager to return to the comfort of her home after a few very long and tumultuous nights, Priscilla urged her driver on, taking only as many breaks as needed for the sake of the horses.
But as soon as she reached her townhome, she knew she couldn’t face it all by herself. Calling out to her driver before he pulled the carriage away, she asked him to take her to the Weston’s. The driver grumbled under his breath for adding another leg to an already long journey. Priscilla apologized profusely once they arrived and sent him on his way, knowing Elise could arrange a ride home for her later.
She knocked at the door, and the butler allowed her in without question even though it was quite late, recognizing her as a friend of the countess. He led her to a sitting room, where Elise looked up from a book in surprise at her announcement. Her stunned expression turned to one of concern as she took in Priscilla’s disheveled appearance after her long journey.
“Priscilla, whatever are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Northamptonshire until early next week.”
It was an innocent enough question—one she’d even expected—but in her fragile emotional state, it was enough to send her into a fit of tears.
“Oh, darling!” Elise closed her book and rushed over to embrace Priscilla. Being the good, decent woman that she was, she didn’t make any further inquiries of her friend. She only wrapped her arms around her and allowed Priscilla to cry out all of her feelings against her shoulder until they ceased from sheer exhaustion.
