“Sidney! It’s good to see you out and about. What are you doing here?”
“I thought some fresh air might be good for me,” Sidney said. It wasn’t exactly a lie, the air was good for him. It just wasn’t the main reason he had come. Unsure how much Fitz knew of where things stood between Sidney and his sister, he didn’t want to say too much.
“Yes, but I’m guessing you also want to talk with Angeline. I know she dealt you another blow you didn’t need,” Fitz said, his tone gentler than normal. Sidney nodded while clearing a throat that suddenly felt thick, not trusting his voice. “Wait here, I’ll go and get her for you.”
Fitz went inside while Sidney took in the beauty of autumn around him. He’d not been out of the house since the afternoon of the accident when he and Angeline picnicked. It felt so long ago. Hearing a commotion behind him, he turned to see Fitz and Angeline exiting the house.
He immediately felt better seeing her, needing her to sustain him. It had only been days since they’d last spoken, but now that he knew what it felt like to be with her, the thought that she might truly leave him was crushing. She looked apprehensive approaching him but came to his side anyway.
“Angie, thank you for meeting me. I know you asked for some space, but I was hoping we could talk if you’re open to it.”
She looked him over, assessing, and he was glad he’d cleaned up before coming. Giving a curt nod, she said, “Alright, Sidney. The rain has held off today, let’s walk through the garden.”
* * *
Sidney was quiet for the first part of their stroll, but he finally choked out, “I don’t know what to do without you, Angie.”
Angeline sighed, knowing that indulging him any further would only hurt them both. “That’s why I suggested some space, Sidney. We have to get used to being without one another. Even if you don’t marry Lady Effie—and I sincerely hope you aren’t forced to—you’ll still need to marry someone else.”
Sidney shook his head violently. “I’d rather not marry at all if I can’t have you, heir be damned.”
“I know you don’t mean that,” Angeline said, exasperated. “You’re speaking from a place of emotion, you aren’t being rational.”
The past few days had been difficult for Angeline, knowing how much she’d hurt Sidney. She was constantly second-guessing herself, wondering if she should have waited to talk with him until he was stronger. It heartened her to see that he had made an effort before coming over. But even clean shaven, he did not look well, and she feared he wasn’t taking care of himself. And she knew from visiting Hazel the day before that he was not spending time with her.
“I know I have other relatives out there, and while they may be distant, someone is next in line to inherit,” Sidney beseeched, grasping for a solution to keep them together.
Angeline closed her eyes, pained by his desperation. “I’m sure that’s true, but you just said yourself you have no idea who that person is. That means they are distanced from this place and know nothing about the estate or how to run it. How fair would it be to your tenants to turn Ravenswood over to someone without a connection to it, who wouldn’t care for it the way you do?” Shaking her head, she added, “Fitz tried to make the same argument, but unless you suddenly discovered who may be next in line today, then spent the rest of your life educating them, I don’t see how that’s a viable option.”
“Then I’ll marry someone else in name only and still be with you. As soon as there’s an heir, I’d never touch her again.” Sidney was tugging at his hair, a clear sign he was reaching his breaking point.
Stopping abruptly at Sidney’s statement, he halted as well and turned towards her. Angeline grabbed the sides of his face and looked deep into his eyes. “I know you are only suggesting that out of desperation, so I’ll forgive you for it this once. While that may work for you, it would be incredibly disrespectful and hurtful not only to me, but your wife also. I refuse to be anyone’s guilty side piece, Sidney. You will not make a mistress of me.”
Not breaking from her hold, Sidney dropped his eyes in shame. “I’m sorry, Angie. You know I would never ask such a thing from you. I love you too much.”
“I know. But I don’t think we can rationalize our way out of the truth of this situation, Sidney. I had days to think about this before I ever brought it up with you. Don’t you think I thought through all these possibilities myself? I didn’t just decide to walk away from you on a whim, I did it because it’s the only realistic path forward where we both can retain our sanity—however excruciating it may be.”
Sidney started to cry, and Angeline’s heart shattered. All she could do was hold him while he trembled from the giant, heaving sobs escaping his body. Other than the day he had lost his brother, she didn’t think she had ever seen him cry. That he did so now, the force of it literally wracking his body, devastated her. She was seeing a broken man in one who was normally so jovial, the light of any party. Eventually, Sidney’s tears slowed, and his breathing evened out. Angeline pulled away, raising her hand to wipe the salty trails from his cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I know,” she replied simply. “But we can’t go on like this. Hazel is starting to do better, and I think she’ll continue to do so.” She paused and looked into his eyes once more, making sure he really heard her.“Especiallyif her uncle starts spending time with her.” Sidney nodded remorsefully, and while Angeline hated rubbing salt in the wound, he needed to get his act together where Hazel was concerned.
Angeline knew the next part would be hard, but it had to be done. “Sidney, I need you to respect my boundaries and not pursue me. We need to make a clean break, or it may never stop hurting.”
CHAPTER28
Angeline returned to Ravenswood a few days later to see Hazel, and Sidney was waiting outside the room looking haggard. “Can we talk?” he asked.
“I’m not sure there’s much more to talk about,” she said wearily.
“Please,” Sidney begged. Her heart physically ached seeing him so distraught, and though she was irritated that he was not giving the space she had requested, she nodded in agreement.
“Let me meet with Hazel first, and then I’ll come find you.” He must have agreed, for he turned away and began to walk towards the stairs. “She needs you too, Sidney,” Angeline called out after him.
He paused at the top of the staircase. Giving a curt nod, he uttered, “I know.”
The next few hours passed quickly with Hazel, who was slowly becoming more engaged and independent. Angeline was glad to see her adjusting, though she knew there was still a long road ahead for the sweet girl. Finally, she didn’t think she could put off talking to Sidney any longer. It’s not that she didn’t want to see him—she craved to be near him—but she knew it wasn’t for the best. There was nothing left to say. But the way he was neglecting Hazel when she needed her uncle could not be ignored, and her anger at the way he was shirking his responsibilities propelled her down the stairs to his study.
