“I’m not really sure it matters,” Angeline said, voice shaking.
“What on earth do you mean? Of course it matters!” Sidney exclaimed.
“That’s not what I meant . . . It matters a great deal. I want you to be happy, Sidney and not forced to marry someone you don’t want to.” Flustered, Angeline looked at him with eyes that looked haunted. “What I should have said is that it’s a moot point because whatever happens, you can’t marry me, Sidney.”
Ice ran down his spine from her serious tone. “What are you saying?” he whispered in disbelief.
“Sidney . . .,” Angeline said, looking pained as she paused to find the words. “I don’t think you’ve realized this yet, but things are different now that you are a viscount. I didn’t want to say anything to you until after the funeral, but . . .”
“But what?” he bit out. “What could have possibly changed so much that I wouldn’t want to marry you?”
“It’s not that you don’t want to, it’s that you can’t,” Angeline clarified. “With the title comes responsibilities. To the King and the government, but mostly to your tenants who rely on this land for their livelihoods. They need to know their future is secure and that the title will stay in good hands.”
Angeline stopped there and swallowed back a sob. Sidney understood he had responsibilities, but the estate was running well. “The estate is thriving, Angie. Nick was an excellent land manager, and of course I’ll continue to care for the tenants. Why would that change?”
Tears were now flowing down Angeline’s face as she found the courage to make her point clear. “Because, Sidney, the Hasting line must continue for the estate to be secure. You need an heir, and that’s the one thing I can’t give you. We never talked about children, but you know I’ve struggled to have them, and nothing in that regard has changed.”
Angeline’s words hit him like a physical blow. He thought of all the times his brother had seemed weighed down by his duties and wondered if he was doomed to suffer the same fate. A sense of dread was beginning to creep over him as he felt the inevitability of what Angeline was saying.
“No! No, I’ll not let this happen. Angie . . .” He reached for her and crushed her against his chest.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she muttered into his shoulder, shaking with her tears.
Sidney held on to her, his mind racing, trying to think of anything to negate what she had said. “We’ll find a way, I can’t lose you, Angie.”
Angeline pulled back and wiped her cheeks. “It’s not an option, Sidney. My inability to carry a child could have been ignored when you were Mr. Bright, but as Viscount Hasting, you have a duty. It would be irresponsible to knowingly enter into a marriage with a barren woman.”
After everything that had happened, Sidney had reached his breaking point. It was too much. Collapsing into the nearest chair, he dropped his head into his hands, the weight of it suddenly feeling too heavy for his neck to support on its own.
Angeline crouched down in front of him, her hands on his knees. “Sidney, please look at me,” she pled. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, this is killing me too. After Phillip, for the first time I thought I could be truly happy again. But you know as well as I do that this is bigger than just what you and I want.” When he didn’t respond, she said quietly, “I’m going to return to Geffen House. I think space could do both of us some good as we adjust to this new reality.”
Sidney could feel Angeline’s eyes on him as she stood to leave, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up from his lap. She leaned forward and kissed the top of his head. “I love you, Sidney, and you will always be my friend. That will never change,” she said, before walking away.
CHAPTER27
Everything hurt. Sidney didn’t know what to do, and with no hope left, he drank. He felt hollow, the same way he had when Angeline married Phillip and he lost her the first time. Only this time it was worse, as he’d had a taste of what life could be like with her before losing her again. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to fill the gaping hole in his chest where his heart had been.
Sidney lost track of the days and had no idea what was going on with Lady Effie’s claim. He thought she was still hanging around the estate, trying to sink her roots into the place, but he wasn’t sure. Even so, if he couldn’t be with Angeline, it didn’t matter who he was married to. It’s true he would prefer it not be Ephegenia Tarlton, in his opinion the woman was a manipulative shrew, but in the end, if he had to marry someone other than Angie, why not her?
He hadn’t seen Angeline since their talk several days before, though he knew she would still be coming by occasionally to see Hazel. He was trying to respect her wishes and keep his distance, it was best that she didn’t see him in such a state anyway.
But he couldn’t go on like this without answers. Sidney still didn’t know what had caused her to leave after the funeral; however, even before then, he’d sensed her pulling away. While her anguish over being unable to produce an heir was understandable, he was convinced something else had happened and he needed to know. There had to be a way he could convince her to remain with him, but it wasn’t possible if he didn’t understand everything she was thinking.
Sidney resolved to visit Geffen House and speak with Angeline. Before leaving, he knew he would need to clean up and make himself more presentable. Calling for a bath to be drawn and clean clothes laid out, he swung by the kitchen before heading upstairs to find some food and soak up some of the alcohol in his body.
“You’re quite the sight, my lord,” Mrs. Thompson said upon his entrance to the kitchen. “Sit yourself down and I’ll bring you some stew.”
Sitting down at the large prep table, Sidney cradled his aching head in his hands.
“Here, this tea is strong. Drink up, it will help set your head to rights.”
“Thank you,” he said gratefully. She’d always given him just what he needed and was an excellent cook. As he sipped the tea, she placed a steaming bowl in front of him, and his stomach growled at the delicious scent. When she shot him a look at the sound, he grinned at her sheepishly. “I guess I haven’t been eating much lately. I appreciate this.”
“You’ve been dealing with a lot, my lord, we are all happy to give you a little grace. Just make sure you’re giving it to yourself as well.” She was a smart woman.
Sidney ate the entire bowl before heading upstairs for a bath, already feeling more in command of himself than he had in days.
When he reached Geffen House, he approached through the back gardens and ran into Fitz.
