Things improved when he went away to school and at last joined Fitz at Eaton. Though Sidney was a younger son and not set to inherit, making others treat him with less deference, Fitz immediately brought Sidney into the fold alongside him and his friend Henry. With Fitz being the heir to the Earldom of Geffen and Henry having clout as the grandson of a duke, Sidney became protected. Other boys at the school who might try and give him a hard time left Sidney alone and treated him with begrudging respect. Finally having a feeling of security in Fitz’s friendship, he no longer saw Angie as someone he needed to battle when they were home over school holidays.
By the time Sidney had left Cambridge and taken his grand tour, he returned home to find Angeline had grown into a beautiful young woman. His heart raced when he first encountered her again, as he suddenly saw her in an entirely different light. For the first time, he appreciated her friendship outside of, and independent to, his relationship with Fitz. He valued her tenacious spirit, which used to annoy him, and found he was eager to be in her presence.
The Season had just started, and at eighteen, Angeline was making her coming-out. She dazzled at every gathering, and her brightness and beauty attracted everyone to her, men and women alike. Her stunning red hair was a crown of glory and highlighted her hazel eyes that shifted from green to golden brown depending on her mood. As a young man of only twenty-four, Sidney had not thought about marrying yet, but Angie transfixed him, and he knew he wanted to spend his life with her.
But then the unthinkable happened and Sidney’s father, Viscount Hasting, died suddenly. Sidney was pulled away from the social scene for mourning and hid away from everyone in his grief. And by the time he returned as an active member of theton, it was too late.
In his absence, Angeline had been a sensation during the season and met and fell in love with Phillip Spencer, the soon-to-be Viscount Eastland. Sidney was crushed to learn of their engagement, but he concealed it from those around him, burying the feelings deep. He had never spoken of the new love he had discovered for Angie, and more than anything he now wished to keep those feelings secret, not wanting to risk possibly ruining the friendships he held so closely. It might have been different if it were a match made for strategic reasons, as so manytonmarriages were, but Sidney could see how much Angeline truly loved Phillip. And Phillip was a good man. Sidney had known him some at university. While Sidney had always been a bit of a free spirit, thoroughly enjoying himself at Cambridge, Phillip was studious, knowing he would be viscount someday and taking his responsibility seriously.
Even though Sidney’s heart was breaking, he could see how happy Angeline was. Sidney genuinely loved her and wanted nothing more than her happiness. He knew he needed to sacrifice his own desires so she could marry the man of her dreams and have the life she deserved. Attending her wedding had been a unique kind of torture, but he had done it with a smile on his face. His ability to hide his true feelings for so many years had allowed him to keep her in his life, and they remained friends through everything that was to come.
Watching Angie across the room now, Sidney wondered if time was beginning to soothe her heartbreak, making it less present. She had taken a few small steps back into polite society, and with her decision to return to Geffen House, he hoped she may be ready to start a new chapter, taking tentative steps forward. He was glad he would be nearby for the foreseeable future to support her in whatever she chose to do next.
Startled from his thoughts, Sidney broke his gaze away from Angie when Henry stood from his place at the table, drawing everyone’s attention.
“Not to overshadow on this special occasion,” Henry interjected as the voices around him died down, “but I have an announcement of my own I’d like to share with our friends while we are all gathered together.” Sidney watched as Henry turned and reached out a hand to his wife, pulling her up from the table to join him. He noticed the happiness radiating off them both, while out of the corner of his eye he observed Angeline quickly duck her head. “Grace and I are pleased to announce that we will soon be welcoming our first child.”
Exclamations and congratulations were offered all around, but Sidney could do nothing other than watch Angeline as the happy news of the new possible heir to a dukedom was shared. After a moment she lifted her head and offered a watery smile, and Sidney’s heart shattered a little more, even as he admired her bravery.
Angie’s heightened emotions on the balcony now made more sense. He understood why this week of festivities might make her sad, but her melancholy this afternoon had been more pronounced that he was expecting. She must have either already known about Grace’s pregnancy or guessed, for now that he looked more closely, it seemed obvious that she was indeed with child. More than anything he longed to stride across the room and gather Angie in his arms, letting her know she was safe with him. He knew she was happy for her friend; he could see the smile she offered at the news was genuine. But he could also see the slightly haunted look lingering behind the delighted expression, and knew she must be hurting as well.
While Angeline had never spoken to him about her struggles to have children—such things were not discussed in general, let alone with a man—the absence of a child after eight years of marriage was proof enough. Though Sidney suspected, had Phillip lived, Angeline’s love for him may very well have been enough. They could have spent a happy life together with just the two of them.
However, he also knew how much Angeline loved children and remembered how she had spoken of her desire to be a mother when they were younger. Previously, he had seen the pain in her eyes when she watched her niece and nephews play, and he could only imagine what she might feel in the future watching this child of Henry’s, as well as the children Elise was almost certain to have.
Forcing himself out of his thoughts, Sidney made his way over to Henry and embraced him with a slap on the back in congratulations. But his eyes were still on Angeline, drawn to her of their own volition as he watched her slip quietly from the room.
CHAPTER3
Up early the next morning, Angeline made her way downstairs to find a cup of tea. She was feeling more herself this morning after time to process Grace and Henry’s good news, and a night spent with the sea air lulling her into deep rest.
She had left the group rather quickly after dinner last night, feeling Sidney’s eyes tracking her after Henry’s announcement. He was too observant. He had obviously sensed her unease yesterday which was why he had approached her before dinner. Then with the news Grace was expecting, Angeline knew the moment Sidney had put two and two together. Unable to take the empathy in his gaze, she fled the room to have an unobserved moment alone.
Entering the breakfast room and finding herself alone, Angeline wandered over to the sideboard arranged with pots of coffee and tea while footmen bustled about bringing in trays of food. After pouring a cup and adding some sugar to brace her for the day, she settled down and waited for the others to rise and join her. Enjoying the moment of solitude, she reflected on the surprising way she had responded to Sidney’s touch, and why he would be the first person to make her feel something again in over two years.
Sidney had been a constant presence in her life for as long as she could remember. As the boy next door and only two years younger than her brother, he was always around as a natural playmate. Angeline knew that when they were younger, she had annoyed him more than anything. At eight years younger than Fitz, he must have found her presence cumbersome, but as the good brother he was, he often allowed her to tag along with him and Sidney. She loved and looked up to both of them, and as she got a little older, she wanted to prove herself and show she could be tough just like they were. She followed the two young men around relentlessly, through adventures within the grounds of the neighboring estates and into the nooks and crannies of every property within their combined lands.
It wasn’t until the boys left for school and Angeline missed them terribly that Sidney grew to almost mythic proportions in her mind. She longed to spend time roaming with them again and hated that her mother was pushing her toward more “womanly pursuits” to tame her wild spirit. There was nothing more boring to Angeline than a morning spent embroidering, and she missed the boys terribly, turning memories of their previous adventures into grand tales within her mind. After a while, the lines between reality and imagination began to blur, and Sidney became the hero of her heart. She developed a massive fascination of him that only grew each time he returned home to Kent on a school break.
By the time Angeline was ready to make her debut, Sidney had finished his university days at Cambridge and was just returning from a shortened grand tour, as travel on the continent was hindered by the continuing clashes with Napoleon. He was a bit rowdy and had clearly enjoyed his freedom, as young men of wealth were known to do. But underneath, Sidney was still the sweet boy who had always allowed her to tag along and watched out for her, no matter how much he may have grumbled about it.
Angeline knew her feelings for him were not necessarily based in reality, but she could not stop the draw she felt to him through logic alone. He had grown into an extremely handsome young man even though his looks were somewhat unusual, with distinctive features. His hair was neither red nor blond yet somehow managed to be both at the same time. Some called him a ginger while others argued that the hue was more golden. His complexion was pale and liberally sprinkled with brown freckles across his face. But it was his brilliant blue eyes sparkling with joy and mischief that caught and held one’s attention.
Angeline had hoped that she would be able to catch Sidney’s attention and make him see her as a woman when she joined polite society for the Season. Her new wardrobe, created for her debut, showed her at her best and highlighted that her body had changed into that of a woman. While still maintaining propriety, she tried to emphasize the new curves which had appeared in the last years, and which she believed would appeal to Sidney as a young man. But before she had the chance to make her campaign, his father died, and he was ripped away from London and the functions of the Season.
Angeline was devastated and vowed to not make a match, but to wait for Sidney once he was out of mourning. In the brief time they had together before his bereavement, Angeline had thought she may have felt a shift in his interest in her, and she was determined to see if time would make that true. Her mother, however, would not hear of it. While Angeline never spoke specifically about her love for Sidney, she was sure her mother was fully aware of her girlhood crush, as she had not been subtle with the longing looks she threw his way whenever he had turned up in Kent over the years. Though Angeline was despondent at his absence, her mother forced her to attend countlesstonevents and make her name in the Season. And then one day she met Phillip.
Phillip asked her to dance at a ball held by the Duke and Duchess of Carrington, a notoriously fancy yearly soiree, and for the first time in weeks since Sidney had departed, Angeline enjoyed herself. He had such a lovely countenance and was easy to be around and converse with. Angeline loved that Phillip showed genuine interest in what she was reading and learning about and wanted to know what made her happy. He saw her as her own person and not simply someone who could bring him standing as the daughter of an earl with a healthy dowry. And Phillip himself was a good man. As the future Viscount Eastland, he took his responsibilities seriously and had been a dutiful student while at university, and now worked closely with his father to learn everything he could about managing their estate. He was kind and well-regarded by his peers, and Angeline could not understand the reason he focused in on her as the object of his affection.
She hadn’t meant to fall in love with Phillip, it had just happened. Angeline’s affection and admiration for him grew so naturally that she was immersed in feelings before she even realized it. What she felt for Phillip was deep regard and respect, not to mention a healthy dose of attraction. And because those feelings were returned, it made what she had felt for Sidney seem like a childish infatuation. She had built up an image of Sidney over the years that made him perfect for her in every way, but that image was based on her imaginings more than reality, and he saw her only as Fitz’s little sister. It was difficult for her to let go of the dream she had held for so long, but she had truly fallen in love with Phillip, and the life he was offering her was real. When Phillip proposed at the end of the season, she didn’t hesitate to accept even though she knew she would always hold affection for Sidney as well.
Sidney remained a friend, but as her love for Phillip grew deeper when they started their life together, he remained only that in her life, a good friend. Angeline’s life with Phillip was based on a mature love which had grown from their understanding and respect for who the other was as a real person, whereas her love for Sidney had been childish and based on a dream. She still cherished the feelings she had had for him, but she now understood them for what they had been and was able to let them go completely and view Sidney in a new way, as a longtime friend who knew her well and thus would always share a special bond with her.
Angeline shook her head, trying to release the memories from long ago. What had thrown her yesterday as much as the baby announcement was how she felt about Sidney in the few moments they had spent together. While for so many years he fit perfectly in the friend category where he had settled, she had begun to experience stirrings of the old feelings of affection that were more than simply platonic. Since losing Phillip, Angeline had not felt drawn to anyone in a romantic way, but Sidney’s touch and awareness of her emotions had made her feel stirrings of something beyond the friendship she had known from him for so long.
Were these resurfaced feelings something she should indulge? Angeline didn’t know if she was ready to think of another man affectionately. There were complications to starting a new relationship with anyone, let alone a close family friend. Perhaps she should just enjoy the week and get to know Sidney as the man he was now. While he had remained a good friend, since her marriage ten years ago, she had not seen him nearly as often. While time and distance would never lessen their bond, forged as it was so early in her life, she couldn’t claim to have intimate knowledge of who he was now. He had matured and become engrossed in politics over the past few years, finally stepping up and being a responsible member of society, rather just languishing away as a wealthy young man.
Before she could dwell on her confusing feelings any further, Grace entered the room with Henry not far behind. Smiling at the couple, Angeline offered her congratulations. “I’m sorry I didn’t say this last night, but I’m so happy for the both of you. I know you’ll make excellent parents.” She rose to embrace Grace.
