Eyes wide in shock, Henry sagged against his chair. “Reid doesn’t talk about that. Ever.”
“I know it’s not something he usually likes to discuss—”
Henry cut Elise off before she could finish with a quick motion of his hand. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “You don’t understand. I’m not sure even Fitz and Sidney know the whole story, the only reason I do is that I was there. That day left more than just physical scars.”
He was still looking at her in disbelief, and Elise was beginning to understand last night meant more than she had realized.
“The fact that Reid felt he could, or that he needed to, share that with you tells me you are not someone he is going to forget.” Repeating himself for emphasis, Henry added, “Ever.”
Tears welling in her eyes, Elise didn’t know what to do. She felt even worse for giving into her own desires and kissing Reid last evening. “Forgive me for speaking on things that aren’t really my business,” Henry said, pausing to see if she was open to him offering advice. Elise nodded for him to continue. “When we arrived a few days ago, we were all naturally curious about you. Reid shared how you came to be at Dorset . . . Is that what’s holding you back?”
“Yes,” Elise whispered. “Because I was ruined, I’ll never be accepted as a fit partner for him. Reid has too many goals, too much he needs to accomplish. I won’t tarnish his reputation and prevent his ability to achieve everything he can.”
The duke chuckled, surprising Elise. “Forgive me, I’m not laughing at you. I’ve just heard something similar before from my own wife, Grace.” She looked at him, her head tilted in curiosity.
“Grace and I were only married this past summer. Due to a complicated background, she feared she was not duchess material because she was unknown in polite society. And after an unfortunate incident in our home, she decided to leave me, believing she would never be respected as my wife and would harm my ability to enact change as a duke.”
Elise caught her breath, stunned by the similarities of how she felt herself and could hinder Reid in his work.
“I’ll tell you what I told Grace, because I believe it also applies to how Reid feels regarding you,” Henry said. “I told her that nothing I might be able to accomplish would matter without her by my side, as she is what’s most important to me.”
“That’s a beautiful sentiment, but it doesn’t change my reality in theton. Regardless of Reid’s feelings, I cannot knowingly lessen his influence.” Elise was still ruined, even if Reid did not care.
“There are many ways to enact change and improve people’s lives for the better. I think you know that.” Henry looked at her pointedly before continuing. “Reid told us when we first arrived how he’s starting to understand the impact he can have here on the estate. In large part that’s because you’ve helped him shift his mindset.”
“He has so much to offer. I know coming back here was difficult for him, and I want him to see how much of an immediate impact he can have here, even if on a smaller scale than what he could achieve through Parliament.”
“And do you think the people here care about your ruined status?” Henry asked.
The question made Elise think. It’s true that no one in Dorset would care about their inequal standing if she and Reid were to wed, and he could still accomplish all he wanted to for the estate. She would love to help him in that endeavor. But the challenge was still how their differences could be overcome in London.
Sighing, Henry leaned forward and braced his arms on his knees. “The thing you have to understand about Reid is that he’s more resilient than almost anyone I have even known. This is the third time he’s had to reorient his life and find his purpose. The first was when his father’s indifference drove him from this place, souring his idea of being a lord, and he joined the army. He found a place serving there, but for the second time he was forced from something he loved after his injuries at Waterloo. After a while, he found a new mission in Parliament and was elected MP for Dorset. Now, with his father’s death, he has to understand himself as the earl and reconnect with a life he had to leave for self-preservation.”
“What are you saying?” Elise asked. “That shows his ability to work through adversity, it has nothing to do with me.”
“What I’m saying is that—one, he can handle when things are difficult and find a new place within his reality. And two, that you can help him. You’ve made him fall in love with this place again after the idea of life here was poisoned for him. That’s no easy feat.”
Henry stood and placed a comforting hand on Elise’s shoulder, sharing one final thought before leaving her alone. “All I’m asking is that you think about the ways you can help him, rather than focusing on how you may hinder him. And let him decide if he can handle the challenges. Have faith in him and in the depth of his feelings for you.”
CHAPTER25
Elise sat in the study, listening to the rain lash against the window, the storm outside mirroring the one raging within herself. It had been hard not seeing Reid since returning to her own home, but she wanted to honor his request for space.
She had stayed for two additional days at Cliff House after their discussion. It hadn’t been too difficult to avoid Reid as the house was large, so she had not left immediately, allowing her to honor the commitment she had made to see to the men’s comfort while they completed their work. When the gentlemen had started to show signs of winding down however, she made one last set of menus and placed a grocery order before leaving instructions for the staff and departing. Now home for just over a week, she felt clearer, but was also miserable without Reid nearby.
Vowing not to go near him until she had wrapped her mind around things and made a clear decision one way or the other, Elise felt stuck. Staying away for now was best as trying to coexist as friends like before only made things more difficult for both of them, and she didn’t know if she would be able to resist him any longer if constantly in his presence.
Elise had plenty to ponder after her conversation with the duke. He had given her some new ways to understand Reid’s perspective, and she wanted to give the situation fair consideration rather than reacting from her own fears. Like Reid, she also needed time away to think clearly and make a rational decision once and for all. Even when she knew better, Elise had a tendency to act out of character and make quick choices when she was within Reid’s sphere of influence, so whether she liked it or not, the distance was best for all involved.
A knock at the front door startled Elise from her thoughts, and she wondered who would be out in such a storm. As the study was at the front of the house, rising, she called to Evie that she would answer. Opening the door, she was stunned but happy to see Reid’s beautiful face on the other side.
“Please, come in out of the rain,” Elise invited after shaking herself from her momentary stupor. She helped Reid out of his sodden jacket after he quickly entered the house. It felt odd and much to formal for him to use the front door rather than casually entering through the kitchen as he always had before. Elise did not think it boded well for how his surprise visit might go.
Reid stepped back and raked a hand through his hair, sweeping out some of the rain that still clung to the strands before turning to look at her. “How have you been?” he asked.
“Well overall,” she said, unsure how to respond. Her answer was not a lie as she was healthy, but also not exactly the truth as it didn’t convey the emotional whirlwind she had been living in ever since his declaration of love. “Can I get you something warm to drink? It’s terrible out there. Whatever are you doing about in such weather?”
“Some tea or coffee would be lovely,” Reid said. “I’ve been making my rounds to say goodbye. I leave for London in two days to prepare for the special session.”
