“That’s the blowback on you,” Sidney pointed out patiently. “But what about how it will negatively impact her?”
“She’s strong enough to deal with it, she has before,” Reid insisted. “Elise told me herself she no longer cares what polite society has to say about her after the way she’s been treated. She’s withstood it before, so I know she’s capable of doing so again.”
“I’m sure she does have the strength to handle it, but just because shecandoesn’t mean she should have to,” Sidney said firmly. “All you can see is her resiliency—and it should be admired. Though Elise may not care what others think or say about her, and while she can try to ignore it, which is easy enough to do when she has distance from London society here in Dorset, it’s an entirely different thing to exist within a society that’s shunning you. Recognizing how broken and superficial a system is doesn’t mean it won’t still hurt when excluded from it.”
Groaning, Reid realized how right Sidney was. Elise had told him she had no desire to return to that world, and he had written it off because he knew she could see through it and how little it really mattered. But Sid was correct that the knowledge didn’t lessen the sting of rejection. She had argued her resistance was about protecting him, and he knew that was a genuine part of her hesitation. She wanted to make sure he could achieve all he wanted to because she cared for him and desired the best for him. But whether she fully realized it or not, he understood her refusal to contemplate a relationship was also a way of protecting herself.
Elise had already been hurt so many times in her life—a shortened childhood due to caring for her mother and then living through that suffering, being ruined and cast aside, losing Nora and Jed. He didn’t want to add to her pain, but by asking her to be with him, he would inadvertently be doing just that.
“You’re right,” Reid said. “I’m asking her to open herself up to more hurt. And now I’m the one causing her pain by telling her I need space.” Reid let out a roar of frustration. Huffing out a breath, he scrubbed his hands over his face. “It just hurts too much to be around her right now if I know I can’t be with her in the way I really want to. I have to protect myself as well as her.”
“It’s hard when you can’t be with the person you love,” Sidney said quietly. Not for the first time, Reid wondered what kind of heartbreak his friend might be hiding behind his jovial exterior.
“If I could find a way to ensure that she wouldn’t be shunned again if she returned to polite society, and in turn that she would not hurt my reputation, maybe I could convince her,” Reid said, racking his brain for any way to resolve the issue forcing them apart.
“That would be the best-case scenario,” Sidney agreed. “But how do you propose to make that happen?”
“I have an idea,” Reid said, his mind going a mile a minute. “I might need your help when we’re back in town.”
“You’ll have it,” Sidney replied, slapping him on the back. “Now let’s head back to the house, the wind’s picked up and it’s freezing out here.”
CHAPTER24
Still sitting beside the fire in the library, Elise didn’t know what to do. In the hour since she had let Reid walk away from her, she’d done nothing but wonder if she should have stopped him. He had been right; she did have it in her to be able to withstand anything that came their way. But she was so tired, and the prospect of spending the rest of her life fighting against what was conventionally accepted was exhausting.
Because that was what it ultimately came down to. Elise had settled enough to realize she needed to trust Reid when he told her he could handle any political ramifications if a relationship between them was negatively received. That meant the only thing still preventing them from being together was her own fear of leaving the safe world she had created for herself in Dorset. Elise wasn’t sure if she wanted to fight her attraction and desire to be with Reid anymore, but she also didn’t know if she could handle a lifetime of being criticized and excluded, no matter how much Reid loved her.
And Elise didn’t doubt that he loved her, just as much as she loved him.
“Do you know where Reid’s run off to?”
Elise startled at the sound of Henry’s voice and quickly turned to where he stood in the doorway, wiping the last tear from her cheek. “Your Grace, please forgive me, I didn’t see you there.”
“Please call me Henry, and I’m sorry to disturb you. Are you alright?” The duke was looking at her with concern, obviously recognizing that she was upset.
Nodding, Elise attempted to change the subject. “You asked about Lord Weston?”
Stepping into the room, Henry said, “Yes, we stopped for a break and no one seems to be able to locate him. And now I think in the search, we’ve lost Sidney as well.”
“Weston was here for a while but left about an hour ago. I think he needed a little space, but I’m sure he will return soon.” Elise couldn’t bear to look at the duke after answering. Between her demeanor and admission that Reid needed space, anyone would be able to tell there had been some kind of upset between them.
Henry sat down and looked at her intently. “You care for him, don’t you?”
Appreciating his directness, Elise nodded. “I’m afraid I’ve rather upset him at the moment. Reid was open with me last night, and touched by his honesty, all I did was hurt him by giving him false hope.”
“I can tell that he cares for you deeply, and even more than that, he admires you. I’ve known Reid for about fifteen years, and I have never seen him this way before. His whole being lights up when you’re around, so I’m afraid it might be too late for him to suppress whatever he’s feeling.”
“That may be true, but I should be doing everything in my power not to encourage those feelings, and I fear I’ve failed miserably.” Elise never should have let herself get carried away last night. As difficult as it would have been, they could have remained friends and still existed around one another. “My hope is that with time and some space, his feelings will grow less intense. They formed quickly to begin with, and it won’t take long for him to realize they weren’t real, only a product of highly emotional circumstances.”
Elise may have been lying to herself, but she wanted to believe that was true. The duke disabused her of that idea a moment later.
Head tilted in thought, Henry was quiet for a moment. “I’m not entirely sure that’s true. Reid’s seen a lot over the years and knows how to process extraordinary events, how to lend them correct weight. Even though you may have initially met through loss, I can assure you he’s had to endure much worse and can rationalize his response.”
“You mean what he experienced in the army, especially being left injured on the field after Waterloo,” Elise said, nodding her head.
“He told you about that?” Henry looked utterly astonished.
“Yes, he told me last night when I was trying to ease the pain in his leg.”
