“I was ill-equipped to help you transition into your role, and I allowed myself space because I thought I had time to teach you. I was shocked when I received your letter informing me that you were planning to marry. I knew my time wallowing in my own sadness needed to end, so I pulled myself together and came back when you asked me to. I already felt at a disadvantage not knowing your wife, and I can admit that I overreacted.”
“Thank you for saying that,” Henry said gently. Hearing his aunt discuss how profoundly her life had changed reminded him he was not the only one affected by the dramatic changes in their family. “If you knew you had been unfair to her, then why have you been so relentlessly critical of her since you came home?”
“Because she needed to learn as well,” his aunt answered. “I understood as soon as I met her what it was you saw in her, and I could see it too,” she admitted. “Grace could be a wonderful wife and support for you, but she needs to understand her role. I see I might have taken things a bit far, but any time I questioned her, it was because I was trying to make her think about how her choices and actions would appear to others. The hard truth that neither of you seem to understand is that when trying to navigate the peerage, appearances and connections do matter.”
“But they shouldn-,” Henry started to speak but was silenced by his aunt’s raised hand.
“I’m not saying they should matter, only that they do, and you ignore that fact at your peril. Your wife is not entirely wrong, she will be judged for her shortcomings, and you will be judged for choosing a wife who does not fit the expected mold. You have been too quick to dismiss her valid concerns about the inequality in your union, and I was trying—though maybe not in the most useful way—to help you see that there would be objections you needed to prepare for.”
“I can understand that to a point as far as comments on conduct or appearance are concerned,” he said, “but why undermine her with the staff and set Standish against her?” Henry asked, truly puzzled. “One of the only things she asked of me before we were married was to allow her to run her own house as she saw fit, and I promised her that much. Now, though, she feels powerless in her own home because you and Standish have been making changes without her knowledge or approval.”
Looking rather abashed, Hester answered, “That was unintentional, but my fault. I did not mean to undercut Grace, I just found it harder than I thought it would be to relinquish control of the running of the household. It had been my domain for twenty years you know, and it was hard to see her making changes to how things were run. Standish, having always been loyal to me, followed the lead I had unwittingly set. I realized how out of hand things had become tonight with the fiasco at dinner. I never should have approved the menu changes, as it was not my place, and Standish never should have come to me. I’ll talk with him in the morning and offer Grace my apologies.”
“No,” Henry said firmly, “I will talk with Standish in the morning. But I still don’t know what to do about Grace. Do you really think she’s right about her negatively impacting my ability to effect change?” He was at a loss, in danger of veering into despair. “I can’t lose her,” he said. “I love her . . .”
“Does she know that?” she asked, staring him down intently. When he didn’t answer, she added, “Maybe you should tell her.”
Henry hung his head, knowing she was right. He’d had the chance earlier that evening to tell Grace how he felt but had failed to tell her, shattered by the idea she felt leaving him was for the best. He did love her, and she was the most important thing in his life—he would do whatever he needed for her to understand that and to stay. “Is there anything I can do to show her that she belongs with me, that we can face whatever happens together?” he asked his aunt, desperate for any hope she might provide.
“You asked me a minute ago if I really think she is right, and I do.” She reached over and lifted his chin so he was looking at her. “But that does not mean that the problem is insurmountable. The two of you may not know how thetonworks, but I do. Yes, appearances and reputation are important, but the best way to influence others is simply to speak and act with conviction. That is part of what I was trying to teach both of you these past weeks. You can make changes if you think they are important. Not all traditions are made equal.” Henry was dumbfounded, and she gave him no opportunity to respond. “I know you’ve been concerned about the family legacy and not doing anything to harm the Carrington name, but maintaining tradition is not the only way, or even the best way, to do that. Part of the reason I challenged both you and Grace was to make you stand up for yourselves and back your convictions. You were both so worried about upsetting the apple cart that neither of you stood up for yourselves or one another.”
With that truth ringing in his head, Henry felt like he could finally breathe, a weight off his chest. He had been holding back out of fear of what others would think if he ran things a different way, contradicting his desire to seek change. But if being a duke meant acting with authority and conviction, knowing you were secure in your place at the top of the peerage, then all of Grace’s fears meant nothing as long as they held firm to what they believed and stood strong in their power. He would not abuse his title to get what he wanted, he would simply use his influence to stand by her and rise above any petty comments. By not allowing others’ opinions to move him from what he knew was right, he would show his strength and maintain his position of influence.
With a sharp look, Aunt Hester studied him while he was lost in thought. “I can see that finally set in,” she commented. “Now, what is it that matters the most, and what are you going to fight for?”
“I want to win Grace back,” he said without hesitation. “Without her, none of it matters.”
“Good,” Aunt Hester said, “let’s make a plan.”
CHAPTER37
Grace’s eyes were gritty from all the tears she had shed, and her head felt heavy, filled with a thick fog that made it hard to think clearly. Perched in the window seat in her room, arms wrapped around her legs, she watched the dawn arriving. She had barely slept, remembering the look on Henry’s face when she told him with finality that she would be leaving and remembering his voice as he spoke to her through the door, pleading for her to talk with him. But there was no point in another discussion. Talking again and belaboring the issue would only make everything harder on both of them.
She had not intended to tell him that she loved him, it had just slipped out in her desperation to make him understand. He hadn’t said it back, but in many ways, his silence on the subject was easier. She could leave knowing his heart was not breaking as completely as hers.
A light knock sounded at the door. It could only be Lucy that early in the morning, so she called for her to enter. Looking up, Grace was surprised to see it was the dowager. “Aunt Hester, I wasn’t expecting you.”
Walking into the room and assessing Grace, she said, “You look like you’ve had better days.”
“It was a rather long evening,” Grace replied. “I do hope that Lord Camden is feeling better this morning.”
“I’m sure he’s fine,” Aunt Hester quipped, “but I don’t think that’s the only thing that happened last night.” When Grace remained silent, she continued. “And are you still planning on leaving my nephew this morning?”
Grace looked down, blushing at the question. “I don’t really think I have an option,” she replied. “I thought you of all people would understand. I don’t want to hold him back.”
“Because you love him,” Hester stated.
Grace looked up again in surprise, startled by the blunt statement. If that was how Hester wanted to play it, she may as well be honest herself. “Yes,” she said simply.
Sighing, Aunt Hester sat down on the edge of the bed. “You two fools. You can’t get out of your own way,” she said while shaking her head. “But first I think I need to apologize to you.” Grace was shocked, but she didn’t show it, choosing to let the woman continue. “I judged you unfairly when I first met you, but most of that had nothing to do with you. It was a reflection of my own state of mind as I was trying to emerge from my grief. I jumped to conclusions based on what little information I had learned about you. But as soon as I met you, I knew you had not tried to take advantage of Henry as I had feared. Unlike most of the social climbers out there, you are not showy about your new standing and the accouterments now at your disposal. I could see that you were a good match for Henry, as you both see the world in much the same way, so I decided to try and whip you into shape on the duchess front. As you know, appearances matter.”
“I thought you didn’t approve of me,” Grace said in wonder. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. She knew the dowager had warmed to her, but she had no inclination the dowager felt she was a good match for Henry.
“I suppose I’m rather blunt and may not have approached the lessons in the right way,” Aunt Hester admitted. “As I told Henry, it was not my intention to undercut you and your place in the house. I understand why being mistress of your own home is important to you, and I’m sorry I made you question my respect for you and the position you now hold. I think it was more of an adjustment than I realized to let go of the reigns. But you need to know that I don’t disapprove of you, I just want to prepare you for what is to come.” She eyed Grace with a knowing look. “You’re a shrewd one. You understood the challenges that you would face when being presented to society in ways my nephew could not. But dear girl, those challenges are not enough to end a marriage over.”
“I don’t see a way around it,” Grace said, sniffling. She was pretty sure she had no tears left in her after last night.
“Because you cannot fix it by yourself, you think there is no solution. But you are wrong,” Aunt Hester stated firmly. “You are overlooking two important things. The first ” she said, lifting her index finger, “is that you think by leaving my nephew it will allow him to become the man he wants to be”—Grace nodded as she spoke—“but my dear, that man is hopelessly in love with you, and he will not realize his full potential without you by his side. If you leave him now, he will never accomplish anything he hopes to because he will be too broken to care.” Feeling a tear slip down her cheek, Grace realized she could still cry.
