“You are not a liability,” he said incredulously. Grace opened her eyes, silently pleading with him. “How can you think that?” he asked. “You make me better. I’m so much happier since I met you—I feel more at home here and more comfortable as the duke.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “It’s good when it’s just us. But we don’t live in isolation Henry. Before we were married, I was worried how others would react to me as your choice of wife. There was a lot working against me that did not make me an obvious choice.” She lowered her gaze, and he could physically see her old uncertainties making themselves at home.
“Ever since your aunt joined us,” she continued, “I’ve seen that my fears were not unfounded. If even those who are closest to you and should be your greatest supporters cannot accept me, then others outside your circle will never do so.” She calmed with each word, tears lessening and her conviction growing stronger. But every now and then a tear still escaped, illustrating her inner struggle.
His heart breaking, Henry chose his words carefully, wanting to reassure her and make the case that she was not seeing circumstances clearly. “I won’t pretend that my aunt didn’t voice some concerns about you when I first approached her. But once she met you, she could see what a good person you are, and she started to warm to you. I know she has been judgmental and questioned some of the changes we both wish to make, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you.”
“It’s not about whether or not she likes me as a person,” Grace insisted. “I’m aware that she no longer thinks I tried to entrap you in marriage, and she may even grudgingly feel I am a good person, but that’s not the problem Henry. If that was all that was at stake, I could live with her slights.”
“Then what is the problem? I don’t see how this can’t be fixed by me having an overdue conversation with Aunt Hester.” He was growing frustrated, not seeing why she thought their marriage had failed because his aunt liked to issue cutting comments too frequently.
“The problem,” Grace said, weariness creeping into her voice, “is that she doesn’t respect me.” She paused and looked at him to make sure her words had sunk in. “The comments and questions aren’t about her not liking me as person,” she explained, “they are meant to undermine me because she does not see me as someone capable of being a duchess. Even Standish doesn’t regard me as the head of this household. You heard him tonight. He didn’t even bother to seek me out for a housekeeping matter, instead he went straight to your aunt because he views her as the one who should be making decisions.”
He sucked in a breath as her words hit him like a punch to the gut. He recalled what she had told him about how his aunt had reversed changes Grace had made, but since they would not have a significant impact, had not seen them as issues that really mattered. But the fact that his aunt had been able to have her way and overrode Grace’s wishes did, and he had missed it, not understanding where her growing distress had come from.
Henry had been outraged at the situation Standish had caused this evening, even if he did not mind Camden suffering a bit. Grace was absolutely right that the butler never should have gone to his aunt. He started to see instances he had observed himself in a different light. How Standish had addressed her with less than complete respect when Camden had arrived today, and openly questioned her instructions regarding Reid. And Standish had turned to him as the voice of authority when Grace fought for the boys on staff to keep their place.
What a fool he had been. Before she agreed to marry him, he promised her that she would oversee the household and run it the way she desired because he understood her need to create the life she wanted after having been relegated to the sidelines for so many years. And what had happened? He had allowed both his aunt and the head of his staff to undermine her. He had allowed circumstances that once again made her feel like she did not matter in her own home and had unwittingly undercut the confidence she was fighting so hard to reclaim.
“I’m so sorry, Grace,” he said. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned down to rest his forehead on hers, intertwining their fingers, wanting to feel the slightest connection to her. “I should have seen it was deeper than just some snide comments. I saw how it was affecting you and I had planned to talk to my aunt, but I should have spoken up for you sooner.” He sucked in a ragged breath, pausing to compose himself and find the right words. “You asked me to let you run your life as you wished when we married, and I’ve let you down. But I can fix this, Grace. In no uncertain terms, I’ll make clear to Standish, my aunt, and the entire staff that you are now the duchess. They will respect and answer only to you. We don’t need to separate over this.”
“Henry, I believe that you can fix things here because everyone in this household ultimately answers to you and will do as you instruct them to,” she said, disentangling one of her hands from his and laying it across his cheek. “But what has happened here at Highland Manor is only a symptom of a larger problem,” she continued, looking him dead in the eyes. “Like it or not, you are now a duke, and you have a larger role to fulfill. You wield influence on those around you, which is what made you believe my insufficiencies would be overlooked. But that influence only works if they respect you and hold you in esteem.”
She closed her eyes, a pained expression on her face as she continued. “Living through the past few weeks and seeing how your aunt and Standish have reacted to me has exposed how others within polite society will as well, and you will not be able to command all of them to show me respect as you can here. There is too much working against me. I will only bring you down and lessen what you can achieve.”
Starting to panic, Henry could tell how deadly serious she was. “They just need to get to know you,” he said urgently. “You’ve never been out in society. People don’t know who you are. Once they get to know you, they will love you. You said yourself that even my aunt is coming around.”
“That may be true in time, but as we already established, liking someone is not the same as respecting them. And you don’t have the luxury of time. I know how much you wish to make changes in this country, to see progress made in the way we farm and do business so that innovations can be made. You know there are inequalities that must be addressed soon to appease the laboring class, just look at Peterloo. Your influence within the peerage is needed now, but it won’t matter if no one takes you seriously. The wives of the very lords you need on your side will titter about me behind their fans in London ballrooms, and it will diminish you in their eyes for choosing a wife so poorly.”
Henry didn’t know what to say. He could tell she was absolutely convinced of the argument she was making. “What if none of that matters to me?” he said desperately.
She laughed and began crying again. “You don’t mean that, nor can you expect me to believe it. I know you Henry—you have always wanted to help others and to serve England. It’s why you joined the army when the country was under the threat of war. It’s why you continued to work for the government in the war department even after you were no longer actively deployed on the continent. Long before you had the chance to influence change in Parliament, you wanted the opportunity to make a difference. It’s one of the reasons I love you so much. You care about people more than yourself. Now you have the chance to make significant change, so don’t try and tell me it doesn’t matter.
“You love me?” he asked, completely astonished. He knew he needed to clarify that it wasshewho mattered more than anything else he might do, but he was too preoccupied by what she had said to explain at that moment.
“Yes, I love you,” she affirmed. “I love you for wanting to make everything around you better. I love you for seeing me when no one else would and for showing me what a marriage should be. But just because you can see me, it doesn’t mean you can make the rest of the world see me as well. And it’s because of that, and because I do love you, that I must leave. So that you can be the man you are meant to be, without me holding you back.”
She let out a shuddering breath before offering her final word. “I know we cannot simply dissolve our marriage, but we can live separately, and soon my tarnish will wear off you. I’ll go live at another of your properties. You can inform me which one you think best. I’ll begin preparations to leave in the morning.” She leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on his cheek. “I’m going to bed, this day has exhausted me.”
And with that blow to his heart, she walked out of his room.
CHAPTER36
“Aunt Hester!” Henry shouted, pounding on her bedroom door, not caring that it was past midnight. “Aunt Hester, I need to talk to you!” He was in a blind panic ever since Grace had left his room. He’d tried to get her to talk to him more, knocking on the door between their rooms and pleading with her that it didn’t need to be over. When she didn’t answer him, he went down the hall to find his aunt in a state of distress.
The door finally opened a crack, and he could faintly see his aunt in the dim candlelight as she stood in her dressing gown, clearly upset at being roused from sleep. “What are you hollering about at such an hour? Has something happened to Lord Camden?” she asked as she peered into the hallway behind him.
“I need to talk to you,” he said urgently, pushing past her into the room. Pacing in front of the fire remnants, Henry pulled at his hair in agitation. “Grace says that she wants to leave because she doesn’t think that you or Standish respect her,” he said bluntly, far too upset to mince his words. Aunt Hester looked taken aback by his assertion, but sensing he needed to vent his feeling, she sat down in a chair without saying a word. “She has it in her mind that because of her background, thetonwon’t accept her and that I won’t be able to influence change in the House of Lords or society. She thinks she is holding me back, and the cold welcome you graced her with has only reinforced her deepest fears.”
“Oh, dear,” she said softly, looking a bit contrite.
“Oh, dear?” he parroted back in an unbelieving tone. “Is that all you have to say? This is all your fault.”
She snapped her head up and looked at him with a flinty gaze. “Sit down!” she barked. “I’ll let that slide as you are clearly upset, but I think it’s time for some hard truths to be aired.” When he finally sat in the armchair across from her, she sighed. “Hard truths for both of us I think.”
“What does that mean?” Henry inquired more calmly.
“It means that I knew you were not prepared to take over the dukedom, as no one had ever thought so many tragedies would occur for it to be within your reach. I couldn’t help you at first because I was so lost in my own grief.” She was quiet for a moment, looking down lost in thought before saying, “It’s a terrible thing to lose a child. I had already lost so many, but Michael thrived. He grew to be a man and I saw a future in him. I was not prepared for how it would be to lose him as well . . . I was supposed to go first.” She paused for a moment to compose herself.
