“And I’m telling you,” Grace said through gritted teeth, “they should not be let go for this. Who have they harmed? No one. As long as they are still able to perform the jobs for which they have been hired, then they shall have a place here. If they continue to keep their private lives private,as they were, then no one needs to be bothered and they can go about their work. Love harms no one, and I refuse to terminate them because of it.”
“But it’s simply not right,” Standish stubbornly continued. Turning toward Henry, he said, “This never would have been allowed when your aunt was in charge.”
Staring the butler down, he said, “That may be, but my aunt is no longer in charge, my wife is. As the duchess, Grace runs this household, and I have the utmost faith and confidence in her. I’m surprised that you would question her directive at all.” Standish looked as if Henry had slapped him, shocked not to have the duke’s support.
“Come now, let’s get back to work,” Mrs. Green said, motioning at the young men. Turning, she shuffled the men out of the room and gave a small bow on her way out. “Good afternoon, Your Graces.”
Standish still stood dumbfounded. After a moment, he turned toward Henry and bowed as well. “Your Grace,” he said, ignoring Grace before turning and walking out of the room. With everyone gone, Grace seemed to wilt as she turned to bury her face against Henry’s chest. He immediately wrapped his arms around her and stroked the back of her head while she composed herself.
Finally, she stepped back and looked up at Henry. “I hate that once again I was not able to stand up for myself—that my own words were not sufficient and I needed you to save me. But nonetheless, I am thankful for your support.”
“And you shall always have it,” he reassured her. “Do you want to tell me what is really going on? I’ve never seen you so passionate as you were when defending those boys.” This seemed personal, like it meant something to you.” He wanted to understand and didn’t like that there were still parts of her that he didn’t know.
“I promise I’ll explain later,” she told him. “I think I owe you that. But for now, I need to return to my work. I don’t think I can speak about this with objectivity at the moment.”
“Of course,” Henry said, not wanting to push her when she was still uneasy from the confrontation. Leaning over to kiss the crown of her head, he then released her and watched as she returned to the garden.
CHAPTER29
As she prepared for bed that evening, Grace knew the time had come to fully explain her past to her husband. The incident this afternoon with Standish and the young men had brought up too many emotions and left her feeling vulnerable. Walking toward the door that connected her bedchamber with Henry’s, she knocked.
“Come,” he commanded. He looked up from a chair in front of the fire and gave her a warm smile. “I hoped you might join me,” he told her, “I missed not having you with me last night.” Grace blushed at his words, but she had missed him as well. With the glass in her window replaced, she had returned to her room the evening before as seemed proper. She had not anticipated that she would have grown accustomed to sleeping with Henry beside her in such a short amount of time. She had not slept well last night and longed for his arms to be around her again. But first they needed to talk.
“I wanted to talk with you about why I reacted so strongly to Standish this afternoon. I think I need to explain a few things about my previous marriage.” Expression serious, Henry nodded, allowing her to speak, but she stood there awkwardly, unsure where to begin.
“It’s been a long day,” he said, “why don’t we get settled in bed and you can tell me when you are more comfortable?” Grace breathed a sigh of relief and pulled back the covers. She nestled into the soft sheets, laid her head on Henry’s chest, and took a deep breath before beginning.
“I was upset this afternoon because I feel strongly people should be able to love whomever they want, regardless of circumstances, as long as no one is harmed. Class should not matter, nor if they are male or female.” She gauged Henry for a reaction, but he remained relaxed and had not altered his hold on her. She took it as a good sign and continued. “I honestly believe that the world would be a much happier and better place if we did not put so many social barriers around who is or is not an appropriate match, and love was allowed to develop freely.” Sitting up, Grace rested against the headboard so she could see Henry’s face. He appeared thoughtful and was listening intently. “A few weeks ago, I told you that my husband and I hardly had a physical relationship”—he nodded in acknowledgment— “but I didn’t fully explain why, and I never told you the nature of how he died.” Henry, while curious, remained silent, allowing her space to tell the story at her own pace.
“I thought there was something wrong with me, that he found me undesirable” she continued, picking at the edge of the bedsheet. “I tried to make myself more amenable, to do small things for him, trying to make him happy. But as time went on, he seemed to withdraw from me even more. He became harsher and seemed to resent me. I couldn’t understand it.” The frustration she had felt for so long was rippling just beneath the surface in the retelling, but she shook the feeling away.
“It wasn’t until he died that everything became clear. He was found stabbed inside of a molly-house along with his paramour. It seems that an ex-lover of my husband’s partner had burst in on them while they were together and killed them in a jealous rage.” She looked at Henry again, and though he looked surprised, she was happy to see no sign of revulsion at her revelation.
“I know I was supposed to be outraged and horrified by the nature of his death, but all I felt was relief. Everything finally made sense—the way he was always drunk when he came to couple with me, why he couldn’t look at me when we procreated and would never kiss me, and why he did not want to be around me.” She paused to wipe a tear from her cheek, recalling how lonely and confused she had felt. “It turns out, there had been nothing wrong with me, he just couldn’t feel attracted to me as a woman. I’m sure his growing anger toward me came from feeling as trapped in our marriage as I did.” Henry reached out and took her hand, squeezing it in a show of his support.
“I just wish he would have told me . . .” she continued shakily, reaching the end of her emotional tether. “Maybe if he had trusted me and let me know of his attraction to men, we could have come to an understanding between us . . . managed to live our lives together as companions. I can’t even begin to understand the pressure he must have felt and the fear he was living under, I would have happily allowed him to take his pleasure in the way he desired. I wish I could have helped him, been a friend.” She looked down at Henry to gage his reaction now that everything was on the table. “Are you disgusted with me?” she asked.
“No, I just feel sad for both of you,” he said. “I’ve also known men who had to hide their desire for other men, and I know it can be difficult to either deny or keep secret such an important part of themselves. I’m sorry for the effect it had on you.” Grace’s eyes welled at Henry’s easy acceptance.
“Come here,” he said tenderly as he sat up and opened his arms to her. She leaned into the comfort of his warm body, feeling secure.
“That is why you defended those young men today, because you want them to be able to live freely, as your husband could not?” Henry asked into her temple.
“Yes,” Grace agreed. “There is no reason they should be let go simply for being discovered in a private moment. I understand that many people do not accept such attraction and love; I don’t resent Standish for feeling that way. But I draw the line at punishing anyone when their actions do no harm and they perform well at their jobs.”
“I love that you have such a kind heart, and I agree with you. I want our home to be a place where everyone can live as they are.” He pulled her even closer and kissed the crown of her head. “Thank you for sharing everything with me . . . for trusting me. I know that couldn’t have been easy.”
“I do trust you, Henry,” she said, looking up at him, startled to realize just how true that was. Grace recognized she no longer feared that her marriage to him would be anything like her last. He had shown her nothing but support from the very first time she met him. Defending her against Thomas, and again today with Standish, he demonstrated his respect for her authority. Henry allowed her to be herself and appreciated her just as she was. Overcome by her feelings, and realizing just how much she loved him, she reached up and pulled him into a passionate kiss.
Henry returned the kiss eagerly, and soon heat rose up her spine as his body hovered over hers. With her newly discovered feelings of love, she was overwhelmed by the desire to be closer to him. Pulling back from the heated embrace, she looked him in the eyes. “I’m ready, Henry,” she said breathlessly.
“You mean . . .” he said, a bit drunk sounding after the kiss. She nodded in affirmation.
“There’s nothing I want so much as to feel close to you. It means everything that you have waited for me.”
Desire shone from his eyes as he looked at her. “You’re sure?” he said, asking again just to be clear what she was consenting to.
“Yes, I trust you,” she whispered as he breached the distance between them to kiss her.
