About twenty-five of my teammates made it, and with girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands, and kids, that means there really area lotof people here.
Not that I mind. I like when I get to actually fill up my place.
Especially . . .
Mom goes right to Cam, and I actually adore the way he hurries to stand to hug her back and how he shakes my father’s hand while still holding on to her.
They’ve always liked him, and when I called them last night and told them I was doing my best to start a romantic relationship with him, they were really happy for me.
Well, once they got over the confused part they were elated.
I did ask them not to make a huge deal out of it, and yet... Mom’s still hugging him.
And that’s just fine by me.
I go over to the grill where Appleton and Davon Swayma, our running back, are manning it and making sure no one goes hungry. They just filled up another big platter full of cheeseburgers, hot dogs, steaks, and even two Bratwurst, so I pick it up and take it over to the food table.
It just so happens to be where Mom is still hounding Cam, and it’s the perfect excuse to stand closer than normal to him, to touch his waist and talk into his ear.
“All good?”
He offers me a smile I’ve seen many times, content and relaxed, and nods.
“It’s perfect.” He takes a moment and seems to be searching for something in my eyes, then he whispers, “You told them about... us?”
I nod and whisper as well. “I told them what I want us to become.”
His Adam’s apple bobs with a hard swallow.
“And what’s that?”
“Hopefully everything,” I say like it’s not earth-shattering, or mind-altering. It is, I know it is, but it’s also so freaking logical for me, it really is that simple.
I heard Derek’s reasoning yesterday. How for the guy who’s known he’s not straight for a long time it can be tough to accept that the other guy just invites queerness into his identity. I get that, and I want to reassure Cam about that... later. But really, for me, for the first time, it’s not hard at all to imagine everything Cam and I could be, if only we do this right and for the right reasons.
After talking to my parents last night, I did start getting nervous that maybe Cam doesn’t want me like that, how it could just be shock and the surprise element of those kisses.
But that’s when I remembered the kisses . . .
I’ve kissed a lot of people, likea lota lot, and some might even say too many, but I don’t care about that. I care that kissing Cam made me feel something completely new. It made me discover a new part of me, something I never even imaginedin me.
I don’t think that happens when at the very least the attraction isn’t mutual.
So I concluded that Cam is attracted to me, that’s step one.
Then I thought about how close we’ve been for years,how great a friend he’s been to me, how he laughs at my dumb jokes and always gets pissed off at me when I say the word stupid in relation to myself.
He defends me even from myself, and if that’s not a type of love then I don’t know what it is.
I believe we can both transform that love into something new, something bigger, something more... lasting.
And tonight, when everyone is gone, I hope we can talk through that.
For now, I squeeze Cam’s hip once more, smile at him, and then get back to talking to my friends and family.
I’ll give him a bit more time to keep thinking all of this through.
11
