Cheerleaders are awesome, and I always loved joining them back in my high school days, especially at basketballgames when I could sit back and watch without having to worry about the game.
The alumni win in the end, and seeing Cam jump up and hug his friends like he just won the damn championship or something has me grinning like a maniac looking down at the court.
That big smile he has... I haven’t seen him smile like that in so long I can’t even remember, and I have a good memory. I want him to smile like that more often, to have plenty of reasons to, and maybe...
Yeah, maybe I wanna be one of those reasons.
I need to tell him. I feel it in my bones that it needs to happen now, but when I finally get to him, he’s so damn happy with his friends... so again, I have to keep it in.
We go out for lunch, and I manage to catch a quick chat with Ray and Shane about next season and what our team looks like with all the new guys that we drafted or the ones we’ve traded for.
It’s so easy to just stand there, eating and chatting with these people who obviously care about Cam, while holding his hand occasionally or touching his back in certain moments.
It feels right, and easy, and effortless.
How could I go back to not being like this with him? How could I ever forget that kiss?
I honestly doubt I’ll be able to do that, but if Cam doesn’t... If he feels it’s not... Fuck it.
Of course he’s not going to want to take me on, and why should he?
There’s no guarantees with me. I’ve been in even less functional relationships than him. I’ve never been close to wanting forever with someone, so why should he take the risk just so I can figure out if I even like him that way?
Thing is, something inside me tells me I don’t need to figure it out.
After the class picture,we make our way back to Rosa’s house, and again there’s no time to talk, not when she and Cam honestly deserve to get some uninterrupted time with each other as a family.
I go upstairs before Cam to get ready for the prom, and though I now wish I hadn’t—but I’m not sure why—I put on the only formal shirt I brought, the one Hawk suggested I wear that does make my arms look pretty good. It’s warm out, and since this isn’t really a prom, I don’t bother with the suit jacket.
Cam quickly looks away when I come down, and he practically runs away to get ready himself while I sit to spend some time with Rosa.
“So how are you really, sweetie?”
I can see how seriously she’s asking, but I can’t even fathom telling her anything real that’s going through my mind, so I act like I know she’s asking about football when I know she’s not.
“Ending the season like that is always tough,” I tell her, and I make it extra sad when I pout. “But that’s howthe game goes, and besides, having Cam cheering me up means I’m not dwelling on it a lot.”
Yeah, I might be laying it on a bit thick, but this was the plan all along, and I’m not going to deviate from that anymore.
“You’ll get yourself another Super Bowl next year,” she says, and sounds like she believes it absolutely. “Now, have some more cake.”
“Don’t mind if I do,” I tell her cheerfully, happy the inquisition was short. We can now spend some time talking about the town gossip, and I tell her about all the people I’ve met from Cam’s class and hear all the stories she has about them in return.
I have to swallow hard, though, when Cam comes down in his sharpest, best-tailored navy suit with an orange tie that pops out dramatically.
He is wearing his jacket and looks... yeah, he looks damn fine, but I swallow hard and smile like lusting over him is normal. We spend about twenty minutes doing ridiculously cheesy poses for Rosa, who’s clearly having the time of her life.
“So she didn’t get to do that with you at your actual prom?” I ask Cam when we make it into the car. I figure asking about that isn’t against his new rules, but I still hold my breath as I wait for him to answer.
“No.” He sounds sad about it, or maybe just melancholic? “I didn’t have a date, just went along with the guys.”
“I went with friends too,” I tell him, trying to get usback to being able to talk about anything. We haven’t really talked today about other stuff.
“You didn’t have a date?” he demands, but keeps his eyes on the road.
“No, I found out some girls were fighting over who I’d take, and Dad told me asking them both to go with me was a recipe for disaster, so I didn’t ask anyone.”
There’s a beat of silence and then Cam bursts out laughing.
