“Because I know what being lonely is.”
I don’t know where the words come from, maybe I’m possessed by the spirit of some wise old lady, but I’m just going with it.
“I know what it feels like to go to sleep at night in an empty bed and empty house and wish more than anything that there was someone there with me who actually wanted to be there for me. I know how hard it is to not accept anything less, to not settle for someone who’s just a good person. I know the kind of pain waiting for theperfectperson inflicts.”
“AJ,” he whispers, and shifts his fingers in my hand to grip me tightly. “I had no idea.”
His eyes, so sad and brimming with everything I always feel and try to ignore when I’m in my big bed at night, are not something I can face right now. Not after saying... all of that for the first time.
“Well, I try to not dwell on it.”
“I guess I did the same a few years back.” He tries to sound cheerful, he really does, but I keep looking at the lights in the distance. “I guess you got used to this, huh?”
I turn to ask him what he means, and he holds up our clasped hands up for a second before letting them drop on my thigh again.
“Oh, yeah.” I release his hand and he lets me, while mycheeks warm with embarrassment. “Sorry.” I look away again and hope he can’t see the blush. He always teases me about it.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind holding hands.”
“Yeah? I like it too,” I confess, though I still can’t look at him.
“AJ, it’s fine, I promise. Look.” I feel him shift closer until we’re hip to hip, and then his arm is right in front of me and he’s grabbing my shoulder.
When I turn, when I see that happy shine in his eyes, I don’t think, I just... shift.
Just a little.
It can’t be much more than an inch, but it’s still a seismic shift.
When it finally registers... that I’m pressing my lips against Cam’s and that he’s completely frozen and... not kissing me back... only then does it occur to me that he might’ve only wanted a hug or... something?
7
CAM
“I’m sorry,”AJ shouts right in my face, as his face reddens dangerously fast. I can see it move little by little because he’s stillright there.
He’s so close because he . . . kissed me.
Not a peck either, but a full-on, smash-of-lips kiss.
Right on my mouth.
I was just leaning in to turn him toward me. I wanted to grab his shoulders and turn him so he’dlookat me, I definitely didn’t think he’d kiss me or that it would be so—nope.
My brain goes into agent mode instantly, because the other option would be dealing with this as his friend and I... can’t do that.
Ever.
“It’s fine. Relax. Breathe,” I instruct him, and make sure to pull my hands back to my sides.
No sudden movements, Cam. Just stay calm, I chant to myself.
Last time AJ truly freaked out was when he got a ten-year, half-a-billion-dollar offer from the LA Warriors. I’m negotiating his next deal in just a few weeks, and I’d love for it to be something he freaks out over again, but I don’t want this.
Whatever the fuck it is.
So yeah, agent Cam it is.
