But... this freakout is different. He’s frozen, it seems.Just like I was when I felt his warm, soft lips against mine, and—NOPE.
“AJ. Buddy,” I cajole gently, but keep my hands lowered. “Let’s go down to the car and back home, all right?”
Yeah, sure, that sounds like a great fucking idea.
Go back to where we have to pretend we kiss all the time and it’s no big deal and... oh yeah,sleep together.
But it’s the only option we’ve got, because we’re definitely not staying here.
AJ
Having to focus on the stairs helps me recalibrate a little.
It’s enough of a challenge that I stop reliving the feel of Cam’s objectively perfect lips against mine. I’ve neverkissed lips like his before, surrounded by stubble, plush and... soft.
The cold bite of the metal against my hand reminds me to fucking focus so I don’t lose my footing and plummet thirty feet to the ground.
That would suck.
Royally.
So I focus on taking one step down and then another one, even when I happen to look up and get momentarily engrossed in the shape of Cam’s ass—it’s actually perfect, and I’m in locker rooms with perfectly fit men all the time, so why is it just hitting me right now that I might like them?
I shake my head and keep going down, down, down.
When my feet touch the ground, though, I let myself look at Cam while he does the same, and the freezing panic I felt only minutes ago is nowhere to be seen.
It’s . . . a fact.
Why would I ever debate a fact?
“Cam, I think?—”
“Just get in the car, AJ. We both need sleep so we’re good to go tomorrow.”
He won’t meet my eyes, even steps around me with enough distance to make it obvious he doesn’t want to risk us touching.
That stings, but not enough to make me back down.
“I get that, and I swear everything will be fine tomorrow. You’ll get to play with your friends again and then we’re gonna tear it up on the dance floor at that promthing. But I really think we should talk about this. We can’t just sweep it?—”
“For tonight we can,” he interrupts me, and opens the driver’s door. “I need silence to think, AJ, and sleep.”
I stand there for a few seconds while he climbs in and slams the door closed, and then I get my butt moving.
He might be pissed—I don’t think he is, but he might be—and I don’t want him to leave me stranded here. Not that I think he would...
Probably.
Once the car is moving, I almost start talking again, hoping he’ll hear me out, but I clamp my mouth shut. It won’t hurt to wait until tomorrow to talk about this. Cam’s gonna be in my life forever, no matter what, and it’s not like he can run away from me because we’re sleeping in the same damn bed.
Rosa’s nowhere to be found when we walk through the house, and Cam barely makes a sound as he walks behind me and turns off the two lamps still on in the foyer and the living room.
While we get ready for bed I think of something to say, anything, and the best I can come up with when we’re both lying on our backs and I’m staring at the ceiling, somehow feeling more alone than I have in a long time, is, “You’re important to me, Cam. I don’t want to lose you.”
The loneliness disappears when he finally speaks.
“You’re not going to lose me, AJ. Just go to sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
