“What am I gonna do with you, Ace?” I ask, mystified. “Finn’s liable to cut your throat if you get them in trouble.”
He smiles and slings an arm around my shoulders. “Aw, that’s so sweet of you to worry about me, but Finn loves me too much to really hurt me. At least, not without ample warning time so I can run to Central America first. Now, come on. Walk with me to our next class, bestie.”
Ace in all my classes.
Ace involving Finn’s brothers in pranks before they’ve had a single grade submitted.
Ace with a turkey baster in his backpack.
It’s literally the first day of class, and Ace is already turning Dickson University upside down.
God help me. God help us all.
Thursday, Aug 14
Ace
My Great Big Plan to win Julia’s love is still in motion and still going great. My only complaint is that I really thought it’d go quicker.
Living across the hall and having access to her in all her classes has proven unbelievably useful in lessening her time with Drewbacca and increasing her time with me, and after a week and a half of working my ass off to prove I’ll be more than dead weight to drag around on her schedule, Julia has warmed up to studying together too.
Things are moving along—but my heart is not what you’d callpatient. I want the endgame now. I want forehead kisses and real fucking kisses and cutesy fucking nicknames and hand-holding and eating spaghetti noodles like we’re Lady and the Tramp and being the person she thinks about when she sees a cute baby.
So… I’ve hatched a new idea. A genius-level acceleration tactic that came to me, oh,twenty-seven minutes ago.
See, being across the hall is fine, but being across the pillow? That’s where the real progress happens. And in order tostayin her apartment, something has to gohorriblywrong with mine.
Cut to: fire. Real fire. In a real trash can. Currently real-burning in my real apartment.
Fire licks in the trash can, burning the papers I torched just moments ago, and black smoke starts to billow from it and fill myliving room.Shit.Fire is, like, intense. I mean, I’ve been around fire before since Gunnar is my brother, but I’ve never been the one in charge of the actual fire and this thing is feeling very…impulsive.
When the flames start to threaten to move their way out of the trash can and toward the carpet, I bolt across the hall to Julia’s door, knocking frantically. She moves around inside, but every second feels like a lifetime as the fire I set in my apartment burns unattended.
I run back to my door and peek inside, but it’s still contained for now, sizzling in the can.
Knocking again, I add a yell. “Julia! Come quick!”
I hear a groan and a grumble, followed by quick footsteps and paw steps as both she and Yoko jog toward the door. When she pulls it open, there’s a wax strip on her leg and a tongue depressor in her hand and Yoko is bouncing around excitedly on all four legs.
“What? What is it that’s so urgent?” she questions. “As you can see, I’m in the middle of something.”
“I need your fire extinguisher,” I say quickly, gently moving her out of the way and running for the cabinet under the kitchen sink. Yoko takes my hurried movements as excitement, following along with me and nipping at my ankles because I’m giving off playtime vibes. But all I can do is shoo him away as the expediency of the whole fire issue in my apartment is getting realer now.
You know, the real fucking fire that I set and that I’m now thinking might not have been the best idea.
“What? Where’s yours?” she asks, running after me now, Yoko bouncing between the two of us as I head back across the hall, apparatus in hand. “What’s on fire?”
“I checked that you had yours but didn’t check that I had mine!” I explain quickly, knocking my pulled door open with a knee and running inside. My eyes bulge when I catch sight of the flames, and Julia outright screams her head off.
“Holy shit, Ace! There’s a fire!”
Oh, trust me. I fucking know.
The fire has spread out of the trash can now and burns unchecked on both my rug and my curtains, climbing the wall toward the ceiling. If I don’t get this thing out quick, it’s going to be a hell of a lot more than a prank to move in with Lia—it’s going to be a prison sentence for arson.
“Grab Yoko!” I instruct as I pull the pin on the extinguisher and spray wildly.
“The curtains!” Julia shouts the fire’s progress from behind me, cuddling a now-barking Yoko to her chest. “Oh no! The rug now! Back on the curtains! Oh my God, your poster of Chris Evans!”
