Blake’s shrug is so fucking unbothered, I want to punch him in his perfect Dickson Dragon dick. “That part is up to you. How do you handle being in love?”
I scoff. “If I fucking knew that, I wouldn’t be asking you. I mean, what would you do?”
“I’m still trying to figure it out, Ace. Just like you.”
Well,fuck. He doesn’t have the answer either, and it’s because we’re a couple of dumb fuck guys who know fuck all. It’s the women with the knowledge, the wisdom, the value. Our dicks might as well be wind socks for as much control as we have over our hearts.
Usually, when I need help, I ask Julia. But it feels a little fucking different asking her this. And for the first time, maybe ever, Ace Kelly is at a complete and total loss for what to do—and talking my way out of it isn’t an option.
Holy shit, I think I’m in love with my best friend.
Ace
Gary backs the Escalade into the spot in the garage under my parents’ building and shifts into park. I stare out the window at concrete pillars and shifting earth and try to find the will to move, but the magma of tonight’s momentous epiphany has a pull so great that even a hundred-thousand-dollar vehicle can’t protect me.
Julia.Jules.My best damn friend and my girl Friday.
Am I really in love with her?
What do you think, dickwad?
Fuck me. How in the hell haven’t I seen it before now?
“You okay, Ace?” Gary asks, insight into my mood going well past that of some rando Uber dude. Gary’s been driving me since I was fourteen years old, and despite having been througha lotof weird, questionable, freakish shit in that time, I can guarantee he’s never seen me likethis.
He knows it. I know it. The universe knows it.
I’m…lost. I’m found.
I’m confused as to who I even am and truly questioning the fucked-up nature of being able to lie so well you even fool yourself. I’ve heard of fast-talking—I’m a master—but I never thought I’d been consuming my own bullshit.
But it seems so obvious now that the girl I’ve turned to for every major milestone…isthegirl. The one I can’t see myself living without, the one who changes all the rules—the onewho turns boys into men.
The thought of losing her to someone else, the thought of her settling down and making a family with someone who’snotme? Unbearable.
“Y-yeah.” It’s a stutter and so pathetically false I’m disgusted. But it’s all I’ve got, and Gary doesn’t press. “Just a weird night. Thanks for picking me up.”
I made it another two hours at Groove before texting Gary to come get me early, my whole being a shell of its usual persona. My laughs were forced, my body might as well have been controlled by an alien life force—but I managed to hold on long enough to keep suspicion to a minimum—at least, I think.
“Of course.”
Ugh. My stomach feels like I ate spicy Chinese takeout with an ulcer.
Gary’s been driving me around the city for an hour and a half at my request since we left SoHo, which I know is obnoxious, but now that I’m back at my parents’ place in Manhattan, all I can think about is Julia being out there without me.
Fuck me, should I go back?
What if some asshole is grinding on her? What if she falls in love with a sweaty dumb fuck with a goatee and bad cologne? What if…?
I shake my head at myself. The last thing I need to do is go back to Groove and act even weirder than I already was. No doubt, Julia will sniff me out. She’ll know something’s up.
And fuck, what would I tell her?“Oh hey, by the way, when you pretended to be pregnant and then I started thinking about you with other dudes, I realized that I might be in love with you.”
Yeah. No. That’s not going to work. I need time. I need space. I need to figure my shit out before I toss myself over the fucking cliff.
“Can you…can you also… I’m sorry, I know it’s late, but can you go back to Groove and make sure Julia makes it home okay too?”
“Of course.”
