Blake ushers me down the wall past them and into our own area and pushes me into the brick with a gentle hand.
“Take a breath, Ace,” he instructs, squeezing my shoulders tightly. “Come on, buddy.”
I shake my head and finally manage a breath that racks my entire body. As oxygen returns, panic invades with it. I pace from side to side, yanking at my hair with my hands as a million thoughts torture me.
Fuck. Fucking Julia fucking Brooks. Am I…am I in love with her?
She’s been my best friend since before I even knew what a best friend was. We’ve been attached at the hip since we were kids. Wherever I went, Julia followed. Whatever I did, she was doing it with me. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t come up with one singular childhood memory that doesn’t include Julia Brooks.
But the idea of her pregnant. The idea of another motherfucker enjoying her body and leaving her. The idea of some fucker falling in love with her and stealing her right from under my nose…
I suck in air.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I spin in place, my whole world falling away with every turn.
“Dude, are you okay?” Blake asks as calmly as he can, but I am anything but composed. I am coming apart at the seams.
I shake my head. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It’s like I can’t stop.
“Blake,” I say in this strange, completely pleading—though unintentional—way. I just…I need him to fix this. To fixme. I need my blinders back on, my happy attitude, my plausible deniability that the world—myworld—is a narrowed channel of me and one other person while the rest of it means fuck all. I need…I need to be able to breathe.
“Yeah, buddy.”
“Blake.”
“Yep.”
“I…Jules…me…her.”
He nods. I keep trying to string shit together. We’re practically Moe and fucking Curly right now.
“She’s… I… My heart…might explode.”
“Okay, buddy,” he says, moving immediately to shove me past yet another group of huff and puffers. “Just relax and breathe. I think you’re having a panic attack.”
Yeah. A scream escapes.Yes. This does very much feel like an attack of panic.
“I…Julia.”
“Yes,” Blake agrees. “Julia.”
“Me and…Julia.”
I rub at my eyes. “When she said she was pregnant, I…saw red. And then black. And then blue and green and every color of the rainbow. Fuck, I might have seen my own fucking stomach at one point. I always thought… I thought we were just friends. I thought…”
Blake smiles, the fucker. “Oh, I know. We all know what you thought, but we also know you thought wrong.”
“You’ve known?”
“Oh, Acer, we all know, buddy. You and Julia are theonlypeople who don’t know, and I mean that with every literal fiber of my being.” He points back at Mr. Muscles. “You see the security bouncer guy?”
I nod.
“Even he knows.”
“Well, fuck! What am I supposed to do now? Just go back in there and act like everything is the same as it’s always been?”
