My hands went to my hips, and I took a deep breath in through my nose, feeling myself shaking my head more than actually being aware of the decision that I did it.
There was no way for me to ignore the subtle but sharp pain going on right in my solar plexus as I stopped there.
“I just need a minute,” I told Rip quietly, still in front of him so that he couldn’t see my face.
His “all right” was just as low and soft as my request had been, but I was in no condition to analyze it in any way.
I nodded, hoping he’d seen it, and I started walking again.
I was choosing to be happy. I was choosing to be happy. I was—
Not.
I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t even wrangle a little bit of it. Not a speck of it.
My feet took me into the parking lot, past Rip’s truck. They took me down the middle of the lot in the muggy Dallas air. I walked to the end of the building and back, breathing in through my nose and out of my mouth, shaking my head every once in a while. The entire time, not letting myself think about how sad and hurt I felt. Not letting myself think of how not happy I was in that moment.
I tried with everything in me to force my mind blank as I turned around and walked back in the direction I had come.
I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t going to get upset.
This was not the worst thing that had ever happened to me. My sister telling me I couldn’t stay with her. My sister referring to me as herhalf-sister. My own fucking sister not wanting me around for whatever reason.
I had driven out here because she had asked. Not because I expected anything.
But I had expected more than to get sent home after ten minutes of being inside her place after she’d called me upset.
I specifically didn’t let myself think of how she had disregarded me.
Pushed me aside.
I bit the inside of my cheek again and cracked the knuckles of my hands as I kept walking.
Rip didn’t care. He would never shame me for what happened or make fun of me, I knew that in the center of my bones.
Nope, this burn had nothing to do with him.
Nothing.
One single tear slid out of my eye and right along my nose, brushing the side of my mouth as it kept slipping down and over my chin.
I blinked.
She hadn’t even tried to hug me.
After everything—
She didn’t even bother wanting to take a second and talk to me. Just in and out. Out you go. Bye.
I squeezed my hands harder into fists as I approached Rip’s truck and found him leaning against it, arms crossed over his chest, him watching me. His face was blank, for all intents and purposes. He even had one foot crossed over the other.
I tipped my head back to look at the sky, covered in charcoal gray clouds and lit up by city lights.
And I took a deep breath.
Then I took another.
But those breaths didn’t do a single thing.
