She didn’t want to bother me.
Maybe I had literally hours ago said those exact words to Rip, but that had been because I didn’t want to ask him for help.
My sister moving out of her apartment wasn’tbothering. Why would that be bothering? How would that be bothering?
Thea must have realized how weak that excuse was because she gave me a smile that time that was just as fake as her last one had been. “My roommate invited me to come live here with her, but she doesn’t like people coming over, so I didn’t see a point in telling you and then….”
Having to tell me I wasn’t allowed to spend the night? After I had paid for our apartment all on my own while she had lived with me for three years? I would have understood.
She knew that.
I wasn’t unreasonable. I could have stayed at a hotel.
But she had always shut down every time Lily and I brought up coming to visit. Every single time. Instantly. Over and over and over again over the years.
Hadn’t Kyra come and stayed with her a few months ago?I wondered for a moment before deciding I didn’t want to know. In case she was lying to me.
I scraped my tongue against the roof of my mouth as I stood there and nodded like I understood. But I really didn’t. Not even a little.
Thea watched me carefully, back to wringing her hands.
I bit my bottom lip.
I was loved. I was happy. I had my own place. I was a decent person.
And Rip had driven me all the way to Dallas to come see my sister because she had asked.
I wasn’t going to feel ashamed or bad. I wasn’t going to let this get to me. Even if she was one of the last people in this world who I would have ever expected to hurt me the way she just had.
I was going to choose to be happy after this.
“Okay, Thea,” I told her carefully, not able to muster up more than just a smile that consisted of a twisted cheek. “Let me know if you need anything, all right?” I still found myself offering.
She… she just nodded.
I took a step back and thought about that hug I wished I could or would have given her, but she didn’t step forward or make a move to make it seem like she wanted one either.
So I let my hands drop to my sides.
“Take care,” I told her, hearing how wooden it came out.
She didn’t even flinch. “Drive safe,” she told me like she had a hundred other times when things between us were fine and normal. The scratch she made to her cheek was the only thing that told me that she might feel a little bad. And just a little. I didn’t expect much more than that.
I thought I was a strong person. I was forgiving. More patient than most people I knew. I wasn’t reallythatpetty. I didn’t expect a lot from anyone, ever.
But as I walked around my sister with my eyes glued in front of me, I felt shittier than I could ever remember in the last ten years.
It honestly, genuinely, felt like my heart was breaking. Or maybe the fracture had always been there and it was getting wider and deeper, cutting into me even more than before. I hadn’t thought it was possible.
I went down the hallway and opened her door, fisting my hands at my sides and breathing in through my nose and out of my mouth.
She didn’t call out after me.
She didn’t change her mind about me leaving.
I felt Rip’s presence, heard the door slam shut behind us. I bit the inside of my cheek and jogged down the stairs, not running but not walking. And when I hit the first floor, with Rip’s steps close by, I stopped there, giving him just enough room to go around me.
I wasn’t going to feel bad. I was going to be happy. I was fine.
