That story stung a lot less this time than it had every other time in the past I had retold it.
He hadn’t broken my heart, but he had my trust.
I had been sad for about two days, and then I got over it. I didn’t let people take too much of my time away, and that’s what mourning and whimpering were. Time and energy wasted.
Maybe some people would be able to have a threesome… maybe I could have if we hadn’t been in a relationship and he hadn’t been the same man I had lost my virginity to… but I was pretty sure that there was something in me that wouldn’t let me ever be in that kind of relationship.
I’d had to share so much in my life. I thought that if I wanted to be selfish every once in a while, there was nothing wrong with that.
I shrugged again. “And right after him, I saw this one guy for a few weeks… kind of like a rebound, I guess… and that’s been it, except for a couple of dates here and there every few months, but none of them ever worked out.” I plastered a smile on. “But now that Lily is gone, everyone talked me into giving it another try. So I’m here, getting stood up. Yay.”
Rip’s nostrils flared again, and one of those thick fingers went to the rim of his glass, circling it while his eyes strayed to mine. “But why are you here, baby girl?”
Why was I here?
That wasn’t a loaded question.
I glanced at the group of men still trying to play darts. “I’m happy, but I know people who are even happier because of the people in their lives, you know? I’ve always liked seeing elderly couples walking around, holding hands and stuff; I want the same thing, or at least I want to try for it. I want a partner. I want someone I can rely on. Someone to snuggle with would be nice. I like snuggling.
“And if I have to meet a bunch of guys and sit at a bar getting stood up a few times until I find one who makes me feel… happier than I am by myself, then it’ll be worth it someday.” I smiled at him to make the conversation not seem as heavy as it felt for me.
But it was all the truth. I just… wanted somebody. Not just anyone, but someone special. A best friend and a lover. A partner. Alifepartner. I was fine being alone, but I didn’t want to be lonely, and there was a clear difference.
Rip watched me, and I mean, he really watched me right then. Whether he was trying to figure out if I’d lost my mind or if I was something to be pitied, I had no idea.
Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. “Anyway, I should probably get going.”
That big, beautiful man leaned forward in his chair, his eyes sweeping over my face and the hair that had gotten pretty wavy because of the humidity. I had almost forgotten I’d put a silver glitter clip into it that morning to keep it out of my face. “You’re gonna leave me here alone?”
“You really want me to keep you company?”
His response was a long, long look.
For some reason, it made me feel oddly vulnerable. He thought I was pathetic. I knew it. But pathetic or not, well, he was kind of hinting he wanted me to keep him company. “I can stay if you want.”
He didn’t say he wanted me to, but… he just kept right on looking at me.
So I took it as a yes. “Okay, I’ll stay.”
It was the right answer.
He took a sip of his drink. “Good.”
Well, it looked like I was staying a little longer now. With our conversation still nipping at the back of my head, I asked him again, “So, you’ve reallyneverhad a girlfriend? Not in forty-one years?”
“Nope.”
“Not even in high school?”
He shook his head.
“Notonce?”
“Nope.” He gave me this face that almost seemed like a challenge. Like a dare. “I’ve got two numbers on my phone that don’t belong to somebody who’s got a dick. One’s the lady that cleans my place once a week…”
“Who’s the other?” I asked, trying to ignore the edge of jealousy waiting around the corner of his answer.
That got me another snicker. “You, who the hell else?”
