Julian crosses his arms. “I healed you.”
I roll my eyes. “You didn’t answer my question. How? How did you do it? What did you do to me? Am I-” I stop myself, I can’t go there. If I do then I might really freak out.
“Are you what?” Julian asks. He tilts his head to the side and comes a step closer. I hate the way my hand shakes when I point the knife at him. “Are you still human?” he asks me. “Are you like me now? Isn’t that what you want to know?” He pauses and takes another few steps, he’s within striking distance now. I could stab him if I wanted. A lot of good that would do me though. I’ve seen the way he heals.
“You felt different today, didn’t you?”
I almost drop my knife when he says that. “W-what?”
“You felt better. You looked perfect. Every mark on you was gone, wasn’t it? It was like a clean slate for you when you woke up.”
“I-I,” I stammer. He’s right. I did feel that way. “You changed me.”
“I did.” Julian’s smile turns sharp. The predator is here now. His smile is the only warning I get before he’s moving. He closes the space between us and crowds me against the counter. He looks like he’s going to kiss me but the knife I hold to his throat stops him from taking my mouth. Julian’s smile softens, from predator to loverboy right in front of my eyes.
He’s crazy.
He puts his hand over mine and grabs the handle of the knife. “You could if you wanted. I wouldn’t stop you.”
Yup, fucking out of his mind crazy. A lunatic. He’s telling me I can slit his throat with a smile on his face. I thought I was fucked up but Julian has me beat.
“Stop it,” I tell him.
He lets go of my hand but he doesn’t move away from me. The blade of the knife presses against his jugular when he speaks. “My life is yours, Maris. Don’t you get it? There’s no me without you. I changed you when I healed you. The bond between us came alive, there’s no stopping this, not unless you decide to end it.”
End it.
“You mean kill you.”
He dips his chin in a nod and the knife comes dangerously close to cutting him. We’re in a dangerous spot right now. My hand is shaking and Julian is out of his mind, coming in closer and forcing the knife against his skin.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I belong to you. I only deserve to live as long as you wish it.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I-I’m a…” my voice fades and I shake my head, “I’m not right. You don’t want me deciding if you live or die.”
“That’s where you're wrong. You’re exactly who I want to make that call. I’ve been alive far too long to know when it’s my time but if you told me I’d lived enough, that all my time was done, then-”
“Then what? You’d let me kill you? Why?”
“You’re my mate, Maris. My heart, my body, my mind, it’s all yours. If I had a soul I’d give it to you. There is no greater honor than surrendering to one’s mate. Do you know how many of my kind have found theirs?” Our bodies press together and when I breathe in, I push up against Julian. It’s only when we’re thisclose that I realize his chest doesn’t rise and fall like mine. It hardly moves at all.
Julian leans in, neck against the knife, his eyes on mine. “If you’re going to do it, do it. We both know you can. You’re strong enough.”
We both know you can.
Julian doesn’t know how right he is. He knows about Mike but not about Brian. I’ve taken someone’s life twice now. Mike’s was just like this, my knife to his neck. He didn’t let me do it though. He never even saw me coming with the way he was screaming and destroying the house.
The knife turns when Julian does, my grip on it is so tight my fingers ache and my palm hurts from where the handle bites into it.
“Martinez! Where are you?!”
Julian’s face vanishes and I see Mike. The kitchen isn’t here, I’m in the dining room watching him through the doors. The knife in my hand feels heavy. I know what I’m going to do.
I blink and Mike is gone, I’m back here with Julian. The knife in my hand feels so fucking wrong. What’s happening to me? Tonight and the night I killed Mike merge and blend together, they tangle and snag together so that I can’t tell them apart. I sway on my feet, lightheaded. I can’t figure out where I am, what night it is. Who’s neck is it that I have my knife to?”
