“Then why didn’t you come to me? Come say something?”
I can’t begin to explain what that would’ve meant to younger Chloe. Words instead of silence, answers instead of questions.
“You were with someone,” he continues. “You looked settled. I know looks can be deceiving, but you sure didn’t look how I felt. And I didn’t want to take that away from you. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
My instincts roar to explain it away, even though it won’t change the outcome. It won’t matter that it was probably a fellow education student, or worse, someone I didn’t even know, chatting between buildings.
But mostly I want to apologize for not being who he needed me to be, even though I didn’t even know this happened until a couple of minutes ago.
I press my lips together. “So instead of talking to me, you left?”
He nods slowly. “It was dumb, and if I could change it, I would. But that’s not the point of me telling you about this.”
I blow out a breath and pinch my nose. Being patient is truly testing my limits these days.
“Chloe,” he says, softly.
“I’m listening.” I sigh. “This is so much to process, Aiden.”
“I know, but this is the part you need to hear.” He reaches out and takes my hand, like he can’t stand it anymore. “I chose to keep those feelings to myself whenI thoughtyou were already living your life.”
I frown. “That’s a fancy way of saying: I chose to walk away.”
“If you want to look at it that way, I suppose that’s true,” he says gently. “And it sure felt that way then. That black and white, zero grey.”
He squeezes my hand, and I try to focus on the steadiness there.
“But I think we need to flip the script,” he adds. “Not because it sounds better, but I think you need to hear this, and honestly, because I need to forgive myself for not pushing harder.”
“I’m listening.”
“That choice wasn’t because I stopped wanting you. I chose to walk because, from what I could see, you were living your best life. I chose to let you live it without me.” He frowns. “Plus, Dad’s words were still in my head. We all have lies we carry and believe because we’re exposed to them so many times. It doesn’t matter that they’re lies, because we can’t see that.”
My chest tightens, but there are so many emotions I don’t know what to do with them.
“I didn’t tell you how I felt, and I didn’t ask you to choose me.” He meets my eyes. “But I didn’t stop choosing you either.”
The room goes very still.
My entire life, I’ve believed love only counts if it demands something in return.
But Aiden is telling me love counts,even when it doesn’t.
That’s a hard thing to accept, and even tougher to process. It doesn’t fit into a single piece of my belief system, but somehow one emotion's edge cuts through the rest.
Relief.
We have a little while before we promised Phoebe we’d count down to the new year, so I do what I’ve been wanting to do for however long we’ve been in.
I close the minimal space left between us, curl into his body, and pull the blanket over both of us.
Because if love stays, without constantly being earned, I’d really like to rest.
fifty
CHLOE
It’s quiet this morning.
