“I do not deserve your thanks, Seraphine.”
“You do, Elliot. Even if I’m upset over what you did, you’re trying to make it better now. You’re here for me when I need it. That’s what I’m thanking you for.”
All I do is nod, and then we head upstairs.
I dig through my drawer, looking for the favorite T-shirt of mine that she likes to wear, and when I find it, I turn to see her getting into bed in just her panties. My dick instantly hardens, and I curse it, because what the fuck? Now isn’t the goddamn time for this. Make-up sex is appealing though, and I can’t helpthat I want her so desperately. As long as I don’t act out of line, and keep my hands to myself, everything will be fine.
I strip down to my boxer briefs and climb into bed, keeping distance between us even though all I want to do is slide over to her, pull her to me, and hold her for the next week. Staring at the ceiling, I tuck my arms behind my head, knowing I won’t get to sleep any time soon but hope she does. She needs sleep. Needs to relax, feel safe. But it seems she knows exactly what I’m thinking…
All of this that I’m feeling isn’t sexual. It’s something more, something much deeper.
Seraphine scoots over to me, putting her arm over my stomach and resting her hand on the center of my chest. Her fingers brush back and forth through the hair there, and I take in a long, deep breath. Everything about her feels so right, and how the hell did I risk this? I put my hand on top of hers and my other arm around her, hugging her to me.
“I am so sorry,” I whisper slowly, kissing the top of her head.
“I know.”
“My words aren’t enough.”
“Your actions are, Elliot.” Her words are soft, sleepy.
I’m glad she’s comfortable enough to sleep. She needs it, but I’ve always been selfish when it comes to her, and I want more. Want to hear her words, see her smile. But that will all have to wait for the morning. Or maybe I won’t be so lucky to get that from her tomorrow. Maybe never again. She could change her mind tomorrow. Leave. Never talk to me again. I’m not surewhat I would do but I’d have to deal with it. This is my fault. I fucked up. I ruined this. Things were going so great, but it wasn’t enough. I needed more and I needed it then. I couldn’t wait, couldn’t respect her decision to wait. Why? Why did I need that right then and there? Why did I have to shove what I have in my son’s face? Myson? What kind of father am I?
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Seraphine
The sun is just peaking out when my eyes open, feeling fully rested. I always sleep better when I’m with Elliot. This isn’t new, but it does hit me differently this morning.
He’s fast asleep, on his back, still holding me the way he was when I fall asleep. His chest rises and falls slowly, the softest snores sounding. He’s so handsome, and regardless of his mistake, he is good to me. No one is perfect.
Elliot makes me feel good in so many aspects of my life. About my physical looks, about my mind, about my capabilities. He’s given me confidence when it’s something I’ve never had before. Everyone around me has taken their turn to chisel away at it. It got to a point where I accepted it and didn’t question it or fight it. Eventually, I didn’t realize it was happening because it was normal. Elliot changed that all for me. Not only did he make me see what people were doing but he made me seemy worth. Made me feel human. And maybe that isn’t a reason to stay with someone, but it’s more than that with him.
We have fun together. The sex is amazing. He makes me happy in so many ways, and I think that I make him happy, too. People make mistakes, and that’s okay.
It’s okay.Not every mistake means it’ll get worse. Sometimes it’s as simple as a mistake.
I have to remind myself of this over and over. Elliot made me see my worth maybe a little too much. Maybe to the point of thinking that things should be perfect all the time and any wrongdoing is bad, but that isn’t necessarily true. People are still human, and they will still make mistakes. It doesn’t mean it’s purposely done against me to hurt me; it just means they are human. Same as me.
Carefully untangling myself from him, I slide out of bed, put on the t-shirt he left on the chair for me, and head downstairs. As usual, there isn’t any food in this house, so I set up a delivery and get a start on the coffee. I use the hazelnut one I bought because even if he gives me crap over it, I know he doesn’t hate it. And even if he did, he’d drink it for me.
Do I want to see him do a million things that he doesn’t like, just for me? No, I’m not sadistic or cruel. But I like knowing that he will. That’s important, right? How many people do I know that would suffer through something they don’t like just to see me smile? Outside of him, no one. Maybe Gia, if I caught her on a good day, but she’s kind of selfish too. Not in a terrible way. We’re all human, all selfish, and if it was something that wasimportant and really mattered, she would do it for me. Elliot is so selfless when it comes to me. He always has been. So, can I really hold one selfish moment against him forever? That’s not really fair of me.
The delivery comes quickly, the store isn’t far from here, and they always come fast when I add a big tip. I accept the bags of groceries, thank the driver, then get busy in the kitchen making a full breakfast for when Elliot wakes up.
Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, home fries, and French Toast because it’s a ton better than pancakes. I’m on my second cup of coffee when he comes downstairs, his soft footsteps sounding on the tiled floor.
“Good morning,” I say, giving him a smile.
He looks confused, but responds with a raspy, “Morning.”
“Come make your plate. There’s plenty of food,” I say, laying down the serving spoons beside the dishes of food that I laid out along the counter.
“You didn’t have to do this,” he says, looking over the array of food.
I shrug. “I wanted to.”
I hand him a plate then take one for myself, piling on a little bit of everything before going to the table. Elliot follows me over, his plate twice as full as mine, and I realize he didn’t get coffee. So, I get up to pour him one, turn, and realize he’s right there.
