James’s issue was that he was curious. He couldn’t get the thought of spending an afternoon relaxing and playing. Not worry about money. If he’d screw up in the next six months and lose his chance at being a firefighter full-time.
Learning that his older brother was into age play had been eye-opening. Michael’s special trunk had been off-limits to him and that was like waving a red flag in front of him. So when he’d spotted the trunk under Michael’s bed, James had popped the top open.
And, okay, maybe he had freaked out, thinking that Michael had some secret love child, even though Michael had come out as gay years before.
The diapers and pacifiers had thrown him off though.
The toys had been really cool. Littles did have awesome toys.
James stroked the plastic around the action figure again.
Once Michael had explained about age play and regression, it had made sense. Who cared if Michael wanted a Daddy and to act like a baby. Michael was such a sweet guy that no one could blame him for that. And working in a kink club had Michael learning more about himself so James totally could get behind his brother’s explorations.
But James wasn’t like that.
He couldn’t even imagine wearing a diaper or taking a bottle. His whole life he’d tried to get people to take him seriously. To not be the fuck-up. Going back, no, James didn’t have any desire to be a baby. The toys though, the structure that he’d seen Michael find with his Daddy, the way that Michael didn’t have to carry all the burdens. That did call to him.
It was confusing.
James shouldn’t have yelled at Jacob.
There was no way that the professor was thinking anything about him being a little. Even knowing that Michael regressed and had a Daddy and Bubbie wouldn’t make Jacob think that James would like that too.
His overreaction embarrassed him. James kept insisting to everyone that he wasn’t a child but wasn’t that exactly how he’djust acted. Instead of talking things out with Jacob, he’d yelled. And the look on Jacob’s face. That gutted him.
In his bones, James knew what that look meant.
Jacob had been scared of him.
Of James.
Never in his entire life had someone looked at him like that. He’d recognized it though. The panic. The fear.
Why?
He could admit that even though he’d known Jacob for over a year, most of his information about the professor came from news stories about Jacob’s twin, Jesse.
Having a multi-millionaire for a brother. That had to be something. Although from some of the news he’d caught, Jacob was nearly as wealthy as Jesse. He’d just chosen to take another direction in life.
While Jesse owned and operated the newest and best casino/ hotel in Las Vegas and had recently got engaged, Jacob stayed out of the limelight for the most part. A professor. Why had Jacob chosen that line of work?
James had always hated school. Having a twin brother that was basically a genius meant that he could never stack up to his brother’s accomplishments. If James had a dollar for every time a teacher had asked why he couldn’t apply himself like Scott, then he’d be a wealthy man too.
Something must have happened in the womb. Scott got all the brains and James ended up being the scatterbrain that couldn’t sit still.
That didn’t mean that James didn’t have dreams of his own. Wants. Needs.
He picked up the action figure.
Like being a real-life superhero.
James would have sacrificed his entire life and all his time and energy to ensure that Scott got the education that he deserved. He didn’t mind the extra hours of work, the lack of sleep, or being the dumb twin. All he wanted was to help people, especially the ones that he loved.
Michael hadn’t needed to take on two punk teenagers when he’d only been eighteen.
Truthfully, even before their parents had died, Michael had been more of a steady presence in their life than their mom and dad had ever been. Michael always claimed that they didn’t owe him anything for stepping up. That he’d done what any brother would do in the same situation. James didn’t agree.
He and Scott could have easily ended up in foster care. Would they have been kept together? Doubtful they would have been adopted but maybe in a group home or something. If they’d been in foster care, would Scott still have excelled at school or would his brilliance have been lost? No matter what Michael said, he’d saved them. James would forever be grateful. And inside was a need to pay that back. To show the world that he was worth something.
