My mind whirs and my pulse pounds.Is this finally happening? Are they considering me as a member?Asbjörn said it would be some sort of test, so maybe they want to see if I can handle the sort of play they do. Maybe it’s something more.
Not wanting to add more fuel to the chaos, I ignore that last thought and focus on the information I already have. But the only thing I can think to say is, “I’m scared.”
A slow smile spreads over Asbjörn’s lips. “You’re supposed to be.”
My voice thins. “What?”
He touches his fingers to my throat, toying at the edge of my windpipe. “You enjoy being a little scared. It turns you on.”
“Yeah, a little,” I say with breathless incredulity.
He hums as he slowly presses his palm to my throat, gripping it firmly, and I lean my head back in open invitation. “You’ll love this too. Part of you won’t, but your submission will help you there—just like when Ulf struck you with the cane. In the end, you’ll succumb to every dark, primal urge you don’t dare to face in the light of day.”
My fingers grapple at his chest as I try to process what he’s saying—trying to imagine what it entails. At least, the night won’t be completely dark at this time of year. The sun never fully sets. But the trees will cast the land in shadows, and I’ll be chased by powerful, primal men, not having any idea what they’ll do to me.
“What happens when they—you—catch me?” I ask.
“Nothing you haven’t tried before. And nothing sexual from someone you haven’t chosen. I know your limits. I’ll set the ground rules for the chase. And you’ll have your safeword.” Releasing my neck, he trails his hand up to stroke my cheek with the back of his fingers. “Tell me what it is.”
I swallow hard. I haven’t ever used it—not even come close. But I have a feeling this scene will bring me to the edge. “Raven.”
“Good girl. Use it if necessary. But don’t do it lightly.” A severe gravity falls over his features. “If you do, everything stops; I’ll take you home.”
“I would never,” I say.
“I know. But still. This is different. You’ll be scared. Very scared. You’ll want to use it. But don’t let your fear steer you. That’s part of the test, okay?”
I push a shuddery breath through rounded lips and nod. “Okay.”
He flattens his palm on my chin, the earnestness remaining deep in his eyes. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” I say with clarity. Because I do. With every beat of my heart.
“Good.” A smile returns to light up his eyes. “Then say yes to this scene.”
A smile spreads over my own face. “Yes.”
19
Elina
A myriad of different scenarios play through my mind over the course of the next few days, along with concern about what I’m getting myself into.A sort of test,Asbjörn said.
What test?
Are they considering me as an initiate? Will it be a kind of ritual? Maybe even an initiation ritual? Or even a claiming ritual? Is Asbjörn claiming me?
Would I even want that?
I know I want to be part of this group. Everything about them—the closeness to nature, their deep bond, and the power dynamics—appeals to me in ways nothing ever has. It’s like coming home. Only, I’m not home yet. I’m standing in the street, looking at the house that should be my home, so close, yet not quite able to reach it.
But do I want to be Asbjörn’s sub?
I care deeply for Asbjörn. I’m so very grateful for all the time I’ve spent with him and all the experiences he’s given me. But the depth I see in the other relationships—that deep awe when a Dom looks at his claimed sub and the calm devotion in her eyes—is not there. Asbjörn doesn’t awaken that instinctive need to fall to my knees the way Ulf does—just with a single look. But I also can’t tell if that emotion Ulf always seemed to stir withinme is real or just a fairy tale dream. Maybe it’s just the allure of the unreachable. Maybe it would fade the moment Ulf broke the silence and the mystery faded.
I shake the thoughts out of my head.I need to forget about Ulf. He’s been gone a whole month. If that’s not a sign that nothing’s going to happen between us, I don’t know what is. I’m not stupid. I know he’s way out of my league, and the things I’ve done with him have only been for fun—the aftercare only part of his involvement in the play.
But at the same time, his words keep whirring in my mind.You just have to be patient.
