“No!” he cuts in. “I’m sorry, but no. I know she’s not supposed to be mine, and that’s starting to hurt a little. But I also know she’s not the right one for me. I’d never be satisfied with a woman who’s so deeply drawn to another man. I’ll find my sub when it’s time.”
I draw a quiet breath of relief, hearing that he agrees they don’t belong together.
Waiting to claim my sub is getting to me, and my control has been slipping lately—along with my ability to see straight. Some days, I wonder if this connection I’m feeling is just sexual attraction or a brief obsession that will pass. So it’s a relief to hear that someone else sees it.
“You’ll find her soon,” I say. Because I feel it in my gut. And I will make it my personal mission to get him there after this. I’ll find the woman who will complete his journey. But first, I need to complete my own journey and claim my pretty deer.
15
Elina
I’m pacing my apartment, biting the back of my fingers, and pressing my palms to my eyes to keep the tears from spilling. It’s been a struggle to hold myself together ever since Asbjörn drove me home. Part of me badly wanted to stay at the farm and spend the day with him, but I was too scared—of all the emotions that stirred inside me and the strong desire for… something. Him? Life on the farm? Ulf?
I’m so confused. And the confusion seems to have morphed into an almost crippling fatigue during the day. Now, out of the blue, I feel this pressing sorrow. And I’m not even sure why.
I know part of it is a drop—Asbjörn has told me about subdrop many times, and I’ve had a few tastes of it—but this feels too intense to be only that.
I considered whether it might have something to do with Gustav and the pestering messages he keeps sending me, but when I opened them earlier, I barely felt anything. Over the course of the last few months, they’ve somehow stopped mattering.
This is something else.
I feel ridiculous as I keep having to fight off tears. Just a simple call from Asbjörn twenty minutes ago nearly broke me. I refuse to let the tears free. I hate crying. It makes me feel weak.And God knows I shed enough tears after I found Gustav fucking another woman. At least then I had a good reason. Being sad after an amazing night is not a good reason.
My phone vibrates on my nightstand, and I consider ignoring it. But when I see Asbjörn’s name on the screen, I can’t bear to do so. He’s been so good to me. I take the phone and watch his name flashing for a second. Maybe I should finally take him up on his offer and let him come over and give me aftercare. God knows I could use a hug. The idea eases the tightness in my chest and calms the confusion somewhat.
I press the green button and put the phone to my ear.
“Hi,” I say softly, ready to let him know that I’d like him to come over. But what Asbjörn says drowns out my resolve and makes the chaos spin faster.
“Ulf will be at your place in thirty minutes,” he says.
“What?” I blurt, pressing a hand to my chest as my breathing speeds out of control.
“You are to let him in. He’s your chieftain, and you have to obey him.”
“But I’m not even part of the clan.”
“Soon, you will be. You’ll have to get used to the idea.”
“But—”
Asbjörn cuts me off before I can get more protests in. “Your safeword works outside play too. But do not misuse it. It’s a great offense—especially to the chieftain.”
“I—” This time, I stop myself. I don’t know what to say. I wouldn’t ever misuse my safeword, but the idea of Ulf coming here has me teetering on the edge of panic.
“Do you understand?” he presses.
I swallow hard. “Yes.”
“Good girl.” He pauses to let his praise take effect. “Don’t worry, Ulf will take good care of you. Oh, and one last thing, the same rule as always stands: no talking to him.”
“Okay,” I say tentatively. I have a hard time imagining him coming here and not talking to him, but I also have a hard time imagining talking to him after months of silence between us.
The line goes quiet for a beat. Then Asbjörn draws a sharp breath as if he was just about to say something but stopped himself. When he speaks, there’s a hint of sadness in his voice. “Let him take care of you, Elina. You need it. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Okay,” I agree, and a twinge of guilt twists in my heart when he hangs up. I hate how I’ve been keeping him at an arm’s length. He’s the kindest, most caring man I’ve ever met. On top of that, he’s deliciously dominant and sadistic, and he’s funny and charismatic too. The full package. But even when I look past my wounded heart, there’s something missing. Like I’m not supposed to be with him even if I dared.
The perplexing thoughts skitter out of my mind when I look around my messy living room and remember that Ulf will be here shortly.
