“Not just me, then.” Nell moved closer to Mattie so their arms touched. “I’m getting a distinct feeling of déjà vu. We’ve done this before, leaning on railings and looking down at water. You went to kiss me, and I lost my nerve.” Nell brushed her fingertips over Mattie’s knuckles. “Is that what’s happening to you?”
Mattie swallowed. “It’s complicated.”
Nell’s gaze drifted to the high-rise blocks on the south side of the river. “Is one of those apartments yours?”
“Yes.”
Nell tucked her hand into the crook of Mattie’s elbow. “Show me.”
Mattie’s spirits rose at the contact. There it was again. Nell’s kindness. Her patience. All of that, despite Mattie blowing hot and cold all evening. She didn’t deserve it.
They lapsed into silence as they walked the ten-minute journey. Once in the apartment, Mattie flicked on the lights. “I’ll give you the grand tour. Blink and you’ll miss it.”
Nell laughed. “It can’t be any smaller than our cottage in Devon.”
Our cottage. Those two words gave Mattie an unexpected thrill. She pushed open the first door along the short hallway into the room she used as an office, laundry, and guest bedroom. Opposite it was the main bedroom. Clothes littered the bed and hung haphazardly over the dresser.
Nell quirked her eyebrows. “Either you couldn’t decide what to wear or your laundry crisis has reached epic proportions.”
“Both. Which reminds me...” She opened a wardrobe and took out Nell’s shirt. “One kidnapped shirt, returned to its rightful owner.”
Nell tugged the shirt from Mattie’s grasp and clutched it to her chest like a long-lost friend. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
Mattie laughed, grateful that Nell’s playfulness had lightened the tension. “Would you like a tea?”
“Please.”
Mattie filled the kettle and then led Nell into the living room. She smiled as Nell made a beeline for the full-length balcony windows. “This room and its view were the main reasons I bought this place. During the day, you can see the outdoorart installations associated with the Hayward Gallery. They’re interesting, if you’re into that sort of thing.”
“Not particularly, I have to admit.” Nell pointed at the illuminated Royal Festival Hall alongside it. “I took my mother to a concert there in February as an eightieth birthday treat. It was an evening of polite conversation followed by Bach’s seemingly never-ending violin concerto in A minor.”
“Thankfully, I’ve never had that pleasure.” Mattie sorted the tea and returned from the kitchen with a tray laden with a large teapot, mugs, and milk. She placed it on a low glass table. “Property prices have gone up so much in the past fifteen years, especially in the capital. I’d never be able to afford to buy this place now. Innocent twenty-eight-year-old me was starstruck when I first viewed it. Now it’s simply where I live, which sounds kind of sad when I say it like that.”
“You’ve got a box office seat for the New Year fireworks display.”
Mattie focused on pouring tea. “I’m usually working, so I don’t get to see it.”
“Not so attractive to watch since Kenya, I’m guessing.”
“Got it in one.” Mattie held up the bottle of milk. “Skimmed all right?”
After making the drinks, Mattie sat on the sofa. Nell sat next to her, closer than you’d do with a platonic friend, but there was still a gap between them. Mattie stared out of the huge window. “There’s too much light pollution in London to properly see the stars. But we can see the moon.”
“I can see the elephant in the room that you’re doing your best to ignore.” Nell’s voice was soft and lacked censure.
Mattie sighed. “I know.”
Nell reached over and squeezed her fingers briefly. “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
“It’s all over the place. It could give a ping-pong ball a run for its money right now.” Mattie rubbed at her neck. “I hate feeling like this.”
“Like what?”
“Emotional.” Mattie’s voice caught in her throat.
“Why don’t you work backwards,” said Nell. “Start with the book launch.”
“Honestly, I feel raw. I’m being laid bare for all to see again. Tonight was a hideous version of Groundhog Day.” She winced at a flashback of Jon’s speech, all those people toasting the worst day of her life. “I hate that I can’t change any of it.” She swivelled around, almost knocking the mug from Nell’s hands. “Jon actually watched the footage. Can you believe that?”
