“Just leave it, okay?” Mattie stood suddenly, her chair scraping on the wooden floor. “I need the bathroom.”
Worry clouded Nell’s mind as Mattie stalked across the restaurant. That’d turned sour abruptly. Up until then, Mattie had dished out the teasing and brushed off what she’d received in return with ease. Clearly, something had struck a nerve. Should she follow her, check that she was all right? Or would Mattie prefer space? The latter, probably. She could give Mattie a few minutes and then go to her if she hadn’t rejoined them.
Lisa shook her head. “And there’s the evidence for why we’ve been begging Mattie to go back to counselling. Her mood switches just like that.” She clicked her fingers to emphasise her point.
“She’s being her usual stubborn arse about it,” Shona said.
Nell straightened the cutlery on her empty plate. “I haven’t known Mattie for long, but it doesn’t surprise me.”
“She was talking about returning to her overseas post, reporting from conflicts and god knows what else,” said Lisa.
Nell’s heart thumped in alarm. “Really?”
“None of us think she’s in a fit state for that.” Shona drained her glass of wine. “Even before Kenya, she was close to burnout.”
Nell saw the worry on Shona’s and Lisa’s faces. They were sharing their concerns from a place of love and care, rather than indulging in idle gossip. She stifled a gasp. War reporting? Could Nell cope with Mattie placing herself in real danger, all for the sake of a story?
Chapter 24
Mattie glared at her reflection in the washroom’s mirror. Staring back at her was the face of a woman who’d unaccountably run away to avoid answering a simple question. Her stomach roiled, tied up in knots as it tried to cope with a maelstrom of emotion. She’d panicked again, just like she had at the bookstore. In front of the three of them, for fuck’s sake. At least they were giving her space. But even if Shona managed to restrain herself from saying anything at the restaurant, it would only be a matter of time before she brought up the subjects of anxiety and therapy. Lisa would back her up. What would Nell say if she was there? She’d probably agree.
Mattie lathered soap into her hands and then flicked the tap on. Life would be so much more palatable if you could wash away stuff like confusing feelings and jumbled emotions. She sighed. All roads led to that damn shirt of Nell’s. She’d planned to bring it and hand it over to her, rather than have Nell feel obliged to come back to the apartment with her. No ulterior motive, and a way of giving Nell the option to choose what she wanted to do.
Mattie moved over to the dryer and rubbed her hands under the stream of hot air. She could still give Nell a choice, if shehadn’t scared her off completely. By the time she returned to the table, Shona had settled the bill and was assuring Nell that it was her treat.
“That’s very kind,” said Nell.
Shona raised her eyebrows at Mattie. “You and I will catch up tomorrow.”
Just as Mattie suspected: a long phone call about counselling was in her near future.
They said their farewells outside the restaurant, because Shona and Lisa were heading for the Tube, while Nell had taken up Mattie’s offer to walk south of the river together.
“Shona and Lisa are quite the couple,” said Nell, once they were out of earshot. “You’re lucky to have friends like them.”
“I am.” Mattie wished she had the nerve to hold Nell’s hand, but they hadn’t touched since the bookstore, and she had no idea how things stood between them, so she shoved her hands into her coat pockets. “I genuinely forgot to bring your shirt.”
“I believe you,” said Nell.
Did she? Or was she saying that to be polite? And why was it so damn important that Nell did believe her?Because it’s about trust. They were back to that again. “The route to your hotel goes very close to my apartment. You can come back to mine to pick up the shirt, or I can deliver it to your hotel in the morning. It’s your call.” She glanced over at Nell, wanting to read her reaction, but her face was shuttered, and her lips set. Lips that Mattie hadn’t kissed this evening, though she very much wanted to.
“Let’s walk. I can decide when we get there,” said Nell.
“Sounds good.” Mattie forced an upbeat tone in her reply. Her mind and mood were so topsy-turvy that she wasn’t sure which choice she’d prefer Nell to opt for.
They crossed the Strand and walked down to the banks of the Thames, where they took the steps up to the bridge to cross theriver. Mattie slowed her pace so they could take in the unique vista.
“I feel like a country bumpkin whenever I’m in London.” Nell stopped to lean on the bridge’s metal railings. “I guess you’re probably blasé about this view if you see it every day.”
“Sometimes.” Mattie leaned next to her. “But then I get to see it again through fresh eyes when I have people visit, and I fall in love with it all again.” The skyline could be that of many cities, with high-rise office blocks and apartments, but one building made it quintessentially London: the dome of St Paul’s Cathedral. Its pale stone facade was bathed in a halo of golden light, and its reflection shimmered on the dark waters of the river.
Nell took a photo on her phone. “I forget how busy city life is at night. Was it Samuel Johnson who said that when you’re tired of London, you’re tired of life?”
“It was, yes.” She peered at the swirling river beneath them, the murky brown sludge shrouded by the black cloak of night. “Fall in there, and you’re pretty much done for. Between the sewage, eddies, undertows, and the tide running at around five miles an hour, even the strongest swimmers don’t stand much of a chance.”
Nell’s eyes widened. “I’ll do my best not to fall in then.”
Mattie laughed awkwardly. “After twenty odd years in my job, I’m now a treasure trove of facts. I can talk on most subjects for thirty seconds. It’s my default when I’m nervous.”
