“That time already?”
“Afraid so.” Nell brushed an errant lock of hair off Mattie’s cheek. “I’ll let you know when I’m on my way back tonight.”
Mattie smiled. “I’ll look forward to it. In fact, I might not even bother to get out of bed. I’ll wait for you here.”
Nell was still grinning when she reversed her car off the small driveway and headed for the main road. Their interaction this morning had been ridiculously domestic. She’d liked it, having someone to fuss over. Yes, it’d only been tea and toast, but still. She switched on the radio in time to hear that thunderstorms were forecast for late tonight or tomorrow morning, finally breaking the heat wave that had gripped large swathes of England for the past four weeks. It was about time. The humidity was stifling, and the air so close that it bordered on unbearable. She glanced up at white-grey clouds floating in the hazy sky.That’s where my head is, and Mattie put it there. She laughed at the joy of it all until the reality of what it meant struck hard: she’d become attached to Mattie. It wasn’t just sex anymore. It involved deep and very real emotions. Nell’s face burned. She’d confessed so many secrets.
You promised yourself you’d bail if you got emotionally attached.That was what she ought to do. No, she must do. Nell grimaced as she approached a roundabout and manoeuvred into the right-hand filter lane. An impatient driver cut dangerously in front of her, and she slapped the horn.Idiot. If she’d been in a patrol car, she would’ve pulled them over. A highly energetic DJ replaced the newsreader, followed by a song that Nell recognised, although she couldn’t have named the artist. After tolerating one verse, she switched the radio off. She needed a clear head, not jolly pop songs.
Nell pictured Mattie at the cottage, in bed, still naked bar her shirt. Perhaps she was planning a swim in the cove or a hike over the cliffs? Nell sighed. All her caution had gone to waste. She’dfallen for Mattie. Why else would she have dared to allow a chink in her armour and to open herself up? Being with Mattie was addictive, and she needed to break that for her own well-being. Yet...they only had tonight left together. Where was the harm in that? Her mind went back and forth like a yo-yo. Her need for self-preservation argued with her body’s desire for another fix of Mattie.
By the time Nell pulled up at the office, she still hadn’t come to a conclusion. If she was going to bail on Mattie, then the least she owed her was to do it by lunch. Hopefully, she’d be able to come up with an answer by then.
Except work was manic, and there was no time for pondering or personal decision-making. There was barely time to nip to the toilet or grab a coffee and drink it while it was still vaguely warm. She attended two meetings in person, barely made a dent in the stack of reports that needed reading, and then sat through another briefing about an on-the-run arsonist who may or may not still be in their catchment area.
When her stomach growled to the point of being painful, she snatched twenty minutes to dash out to the deli for a sandwich and quickly ate it while perched on a bench overlooking the harbour. Her thoughts weighed as heavily as the impending storm. Ominous clouds hid the sun, making the sea lose its sparkle and become a diffident slate-grey. She took another bite and chewed methodically. She needed to be brutal with herself. What would she get out of another night with Mattie, aside from her base needs being met?More emotional attachment, more potential heartache. She owed it to herself to protect her battered heart. That was more important; she had her trusty vibrator for the other stuff.
All she had to do now was to tell Mattie. She puffed out her cheeks. That wasn’t going to be easy. Part of her wanted to run away; Mattie would work things out soon enough by her non-arrival. But Nell couldn’t ghost her; that wouldn’t be fair. Nor would a text. She should speak to her in person. She took her phone from her bag, scrolled to Mattie’s number, and stared at it. What was she going to say? “Hi, I’m not coming tonight because I’ve fallen for you?” No, revealing that was out of the question. They’d both agreed up front that a relationship wasn’t on the cards, and for her, that was still the case. Not only had Nell failed miserably on keeping to the rules of a hook-up, but she’d also overshared hideously. How mortifying. She wasn’t cut out for any of this. Making up an excuse was the way to go.
But still she couldn’t make the call. Her skin prickled. What was this odd feeling and why couldn’t she shake it off? The static electricity in the air from the impending thunderstorm wasn’t helping. How ridiculous it was to be so shy about speaking to a woman she’d thrust her tongue inside of, or to express what she’d come to mean to her in their very short time together.Thank you for waking me up, for fucking me senseless, for giving me the courage to show you the hidden me.
Nell’s police radio buzzed into action.Damn. “Abraham.”
“Ma’am, we’ve got another lead on our arsonist. He’s been clocked by ANPR. The DI is asking if he can second you to support CID.”
Excellent. If she ran, she could be back at the station in three to four minutes.
Twelve hours later, a flash of lightning lit up the eerily still night air, followed after a few seconds by a bolt of thunder. Nell sat in her car in her designated parking bay behind the police station and rubbed her face in exhaustion. Did she have a headache because of the electrical storm or the unexpected sixteen-hourshift? They’d got their man at last. They’d left nothing to chance, hence needing the extra staff. She’d look forward to being able to break the news to Lexi, once she was out of a coma and well enough to hear it.
Nell glanced at the clock in the car. Gone midnight, and she hadn’t managed to contact Mattie. Throughout the evening, she’d felt her phone buzz with a notification, but the knowledge had flown her mind, having barely registered.Damn. But Mattie would understand. Work came first, right? If their positions had been reversed, Mattie would have fallen headfirst into the job at hand with little more than a passing thought for her. But still, Mattie wasn’t a mind reader, which would explain the numerous texts and voicemail messages Nell saw listed on her phone screen.
Roast chicken here with your name on it.
Where are you?
You OK?
In a voicemail, Mattie had begged her to ring or text so she knew what was going on.
It was late, but Nell couldn’t, in all good conscience, leave it until the morning before she replied. But nor did she want to wake Mattie, so she tapped out a message.So sorry about my no-show. Last minute work emergency. Undercover op to arrest arson suspect.
Mattie’s reply came quickly.I get it. Work stuff. But would’ve been nice not to spend the evening freaking out that you were half-dead in a mangled car.
Nell’s stomach roiled. She would’ve felt the same had their positions been reversed.Sorry that I worried you. It seemed inadequate, but what else could she say? She stared out at the night. Heavy rain splattered against the car windscreen and lightning carved the sky open, adding tension to her already fried nerves. She waited for a response but none came. MaybeMattie would reply later. It was time to go home and get some rest, but she couldn’t bring herself to switch the engine on. She dropped her head back on the seat rest. Tears brimmed and overflowed, and she brushed them away impatiently. She’d got what she needed: to protect her heart by not seeing Mattie again. That it hurt this much after only a handful of days together proved she’d made the right choice. It was fair to say that the bubble she’d been in when she was with Mattie was well and truly popped.
Chapter 19
Amonth’s worth of rain fell here in the space of three hours, landing on earth that has been baked dry during the hottest summer since records began,” Mattie said into the camera. She turned to the scene behind her and the camera followed. “With the ground unable to absorb so much water, roads have turned into rivers, and homes and shops have been flooded. These elderly residents at a care home in the south of town are being evacuated by rescue teams.”
Moeen gave Mattie a thumbs-up to indicate he’d got the footage they needed. Later, it would be spliced with film from a flooded street, which they’d already shot. It included one scene of an elderly man being carried in the arms of a rescue worker, and another of residents being transported from the front door in a boat. A boat, for Christ’s sake. Mattie stepped away and screwed her face up in disgust. “Bloody rain,” she muttered. It’d seeped down the back of the collar of her raincoat and through the cuffs of her sleeves. At least her feet, ensconced in bright yellow wellies, were dry. It was unreal to think that only a week ago, she’d been paddling in the sea to cool off. With Nell. She shook her head wryly. All good things came to an end, sometimes an unexpectedly premature one.
A gust of horizontal wind swept across the street. She took refuge in theWorldwide Newsvan parked across the street and peeled off her raincoat. It was so soggy that she’d rather go without it. She scrolled through her texts, emails, and voicemail messages. Earlier, she’d got a tip-off about a local animal shelter that was at risk. That was worth following up; pictures of soggy pets always tugged at viewers’ heartstrings. She listened to the next voicemail message. The CEO of the district council had agreed to be interviewed about the support the authority was offering.Good. She’d let him give his spiel and then challenge him with local residents’ accusations that the council had let them down by doing too little, far too late.
Moeen jumped into the driver’s seat next to her. “Today’s footage is looking good. What’s next?”
“CEO interview.” Mattie opened Google Maps. “The council offices are there,” she said, pointing to the screen. “That part of town isn’t so badly affected by flooding, so it should be easier to get there. I want to interview him outside though. Make him uncomfortable.”
“Let’s go.” Moeen switched on the ignition and grinned.
