Sawyer shrugged. “Would you… would this video…”
“The footage is just ours. Hell, I can probably make do with just your phone if you want to be in total control of the footage.”
Sawyer shook his head. “You really want to do this?”
“I really want to show you the difference between performing and connecting with someone the way I connect with you. But if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, say the word. This isn’t something we have to do. You can think about it.”
“I want to be with you. I want to have sex with you. I’ve wanted that for… a while now.” Sawyer spoke slowly like he was carefully weighing each word as he spoke. “But I don’t think it’s necessary for us to put it on camera.”
He shifted closer to me. Reaching for me, he put his hands on my shoulders. “I think I’d like us to be the only ones in the room. No cameras. No ghosts from your past. No assumptions. Just you and me. Is that okay?”
Something in the shape of relief unfurled in my chest and filled me with warmth. I hadn’t realized how much I’d disliked the idea of having to prove myself until he’d refused to let me. Until he’d said no, I didn’t know how much I’d not wanted to do it. It seemed like a logical suggestion when I made it, but now I wasn’t so sure it made sense after all.
I loved Sawyer. And it meant everything to me that he didn’t need me to prove something to him. That he could take me at my word. Or that he would if I told him how I felt. He didn’t need me to compare and contrast myself with old versions of who I was. He took me for who I was at the moment. In the present. He didn’t expect me to be Lukas Knight, sex god, porn star, Adonis-bodied playboy. He was happy to be with me. Lukas Knight, former porn star, now producer and director. Dog owner with a dad-bod who was a fan of childish things like swing sets and Nerf guns.
“Thank you.” I reached for him, holding his face in my palms.
Sawyer smiled, the last bit of tension evaporating from his gaze. “For what?”
“For being you. For being so smart and levelheaded. For being easy to love.”
Sawyer blinked at me with wide eyes. “You—what?”
I leaned close enough to brush a kiss against his cheek. “I love you. I wanted to say that before we ever got to the next step. I didn’t want it to be a balls-deep confession. You might not have believed me then.”
“A balls-deep confession?” Sawyer laughed and leaned closer like a moth to a flame. “I’d have believed you, for the record,” he whispered to me. “Balls-deep or not.”
“Good to know.”
“But balls-deep reminds me that I’ve never asked what you like? I mean, what do you prefer?”
“I love it all. Oral. Anal. Frotting. Hand jobs. Blow jobs. Topping. Bottoming. Big spoon, little spoon. Doesn’t matter. I just want you to enjoy yourself. What do you like, Sawyer?”
I was greedy for his secrets. I’d started to unlock them. He liked it when I kissed him behind the ear. When I let my hands wander his bare skin. He loved touch like he was starved for it.
“I like you,” Sawyer answered with a cheeky smile. “I like you any way I can have you.”
Sawyer stood and tugged me to my feet. “Which way was your bedroom?”
THIRTY-ONE
SAWYER
Nerves made my pulse race.Lukas led me to his room and shut the door. He looked at me for a second, his gaze heavy with want. I melted into his touch when he took my face in his hands and dragged me into a kiss.
It was slow. Gentle. Lukas’s tongue licked its way past my lips and delved into my mouth, tangling with mine. In spite of the way I wanted to deepen the kiss, to kiss him harder and faster, Lukas wouldn’t let me. Frustrated, I let out a whine.
“Shhh. It’s okay, Sawyer. I’m not going to disappear.” Lukas kissed me again and again until my body was rocking against his, giving away how needy I was. He didn’t seem to mind the bump and grind of my erection against his thigh or the way his every move made me whimper.
When he pulled back, I chased his mouth, and he let out a breathy laugh.
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” he told me after indulging me in another kiss.
With speed I didn’t know I possessed, I tore my shirt off over my head and yanked my pants open. Lukas laughed and grabbed my wrists, stilling my hands.
“We have time,” he reassured me, carefully moving my hands away so he could gently ease my pants down. “There’s no need to rush.”
“Easy for you to say.” I scoffed as he dragged my pants lower, letting my dick spring free. It bobbed in the air like it was trying to entice Lukas to touch it. God, I needed him so bad. I wanted to spread him out underneath me and rub my body against his. I’d be happy just being held and kissed, or so I thought, but his touch was quickly becoming necessary to my well-being.
