I tugged on the collar of my shirt, suddenly needing more air. Lukas strolled into the room like he owned the place, and being a porn, it wasn’t long before the twink was on his knees, pulling Lukas’s cock out of his pants. My mouth went dry at the sight of his hands threading into the twink’s hair.
My scalp tingled as I tried to imagine what it would feel like to have Lukas grip my hair the way he gripped his co-star’s. My jaw hung open, and I realized I was practically panting with desperation.
I wanted to see more, though. I had to. Now that he’d had his cock in the twink’s mouth, I needed to see him fuck. I needed to see the way he moved when he was taking someone. They way he’d touch them as he slid inside. I needed to see the look on his face when he came.
Pushing away from the desk, I leaned back in my computer chair just far enough to pop the button of my pants and pull my dick out. The precum smoothed the way a little, but I needed more. I curled forward and released a gob of spit. Catching it on my cock, I used my hand to spread it around. I’d have preferred a little more, but I didn’t keep lube at my desk, and I wasn’t about to get up and fetch it. Not when I was already so close.
On screen, Lukas folded the twink over the counter, then dropped to his knees, shirtless, dick out, tool belt still on, and shoved his tongue up the twink’s ass. My hand sped up, and I fucked my fist to the sight of him rimming that guy within an inch of his life. Seriously, the guy’s face was so red it made me wonder if Lukas got him so hot his brains were cooking inside his skull.
Then Lukas stood and slammed his cock inside the twink. I was breathless as I watched him sink up to the hilt. One hand on the twink’s shoulder, the other on his hip as he pulled back, then slid in again.
I worked my hand over my dick. Up and down the shaft. My balls tightened, and I couldn’t draw a full breath as my release neared. I was dizzy with arousal as I watched Lukas rail the twink against the counter, then on the counter, then in the doorway, and finally on the couch with the twink’s legs splayed wide and Lukas seated between them. When he bent forward and kissed the twink, all tongue and open mouth, messy, imperfect—I came.
My whole body felt like it was imploding and shooting out of my cock I came so hard. I swear I saw stars, the universe collapsing in on itself. My life flashed before my eyes.
What I actually saw was Lukas emptying his balls inside a twink that I wanted to be. With my orgasm still shaking through me, taking control of me, I let myself admit that I’d love to be fucked like that. I let myself have a sliver of a daydream about what it would be like to be that twink. That was a dangerous road to go down, but my orgasm-addled brain went there anyway.
With sticky cum coating my fingers and my legs feeling like a couple of half-melted cheese strings, I was forced to watch the end of the porn, which was almost worse than watching the rest of it. At the end of the porn, Lukas and the twink kissed. It didn’t look like a porn kiss, but a real one. Was it just that one guy he looked at like that? Or was it an afterglow kind of thing?
Whatever it was, it formed a knot in my stomach. No one had ever looked at me like that. It was soft adoration. Appreciation. Affection. And I was suddenly starving for it. I let the next video load up, and I watched that one too. I didn’t jerk off again, though I could have. But I paid attention to every little thing about Lukas, and I realized he wasn’t that way with only thetwink. Lukas was like that with everybody. Attentive. Sweet. His caring nature came through, and now it was my heart that ached for something I didn't know I wanted but wasn’t likely to get. At least not from Lukas.
Annoyed with myself, I got up and washed my hands before returning to my laptop. I clicked away from the porn and vowed to stop watching it. At least ones with Lukas. All they did was show me what I couldn’t have. He’d hired me to write his book for him. He’d had trouble with fans in the past who wanted to cross the boundary between professional and personal. Lukas had been able to open up to me because I’d kept it professional. I owed it to him to keep it that way.
TEN
LUKAS
Asher saunteredinto my office and draped himself on the couch in a dramatic fashion that reminded me of how a woman in Victorian times might have done. When I ignored his presence in favor of continuing to edit the footage from Jax’s shoot, Asher let out a sigh.
“Yes?”
“I have my list,” he announced.
“You’ve had your list for two years, Ash.” I stopped what I was doing and grabbed my phone from the desk. “And you forwarded it to me eight times.”
“I had to make sure you got it.” Ash shifted around so he was sitting instead of half-reclining on the couch. “Have you thought about who I should scene with?”
I would normally have thought of little else, but I’d had Sawyer to distract me. The distance from the whole Asher thing had provided me with a good perspective.
“I thought at first that I’d pair you with Jax, or Taylor, or maybe Brandon, but I think Blue would be a good choice for you.”
Ash wrinkled his nose. “But he’s like… my age.”
“That’s part of why I picked him. I think you’d look good together on screen. He’s young, but he’s been around for a bit. He’ll be able to help you navigate your first scene in a way that I think you’d benefit from.”
“I’m sure someone older might be better for that, don’t you think? What about Owen?”
I wasn’t fast enough to hide my grimace.
“What?”
“I’ve reached out to some of the guys, just to get an idea of who would be comfortable working with you. Owen was the only one who said no. He’d paired with Leo a few times, and it’s not something he’s comfortable doing.”
Ash scowled but took a breath and shrugged it off. “That’s fine. Plenty of fish. But maybe not Blue. There’s still… Jax. Jax would be good.”
“I want you to book a screen test with Jax and one with Blue. We’ll see which pairing works better and go from there. How about that?”
“Fine.” Ash rolled his eyes then tapped away on his phone, probably booking those screen tests. As much as I didn’t want him to run off and film with another studio, sometimes I thought it might be for the best. Even though I wouldn’t be able to watch out for him as well as I wanted to.
