I shift in my chair, the ache on my thigh from the new tattoo a welcome reprieve from the ever-growing headache at the base of my skull. To say nothing of the way my heart feels like it’s cracking open. I feel like an absolute motherfucker for leaving Carson like I did. I check my phone again, but there’s no reply. Just the message I sent two hours ago.
Dan
I had to go to New York. I’m sorry. I hope you crush it.
It was a pathetic attempt that I only made because I’m a selfish asshole. I probably should have made a clean break.
I deserve whatever I get tomorrow.
I check the time on my phone and see that it’s only eight p.m. I have a feeling I won’t be sleeping much tonight.
And then my phone vibrates in my hand. I nearly drop it trying to swipe it open, my heart in my throat, hoping for a text from Carson. Even a simplefuck youwould be better than radio silence. I’d rather she fight with me than disappear.
But it’s not Carson. It’s my sister.
Grace
I don’t know where you are, but Carson got hurt at the scrimmage. I’m at the ER with her. They think it’s a broken ankle. No surgery, but I thought you should know
Her ankle isn’t the only thing that’s hurt, Dan
Fix it
“Shit,” I mutter, fumbling with the phone as I try to type a response.
“Is everything okay?” Jameson asks.
“It’s Carson. She’s hurt,” I say. My fingers hover over the screen, but I don’t know what to say. Should I her I’m sorry? Tell her I love her? Tell her I’m probably going to prison tomorrow and that’s the only thing that could keep me from her? None of it feels like enough. I should have told her everything when she raced back into the kitchen to grab her water bottle. I’m a fucking coward for running away.
Because tomorrow my entire life may be over, but tomorrow isn’t today.
I stand so fast my chair nearly tips over.
“I need a flight,” I say before I even know what I’m doing. My suitcase is still by the door, and I grab it.
“Dan, what?” Jameson cries.
“I have to go back. She’s hurt and she’s in the hospital and I justlefther,” I say, my voice driven to the point of madness. “I fucking left her, and I need to go back.”
Marcel stands and comes around the table, approaching me like I’m a lion and he’s the tamer. “Dan, I know you’re freaking out. That’s natural. But tomorrow we’re going to figure this out. Even if you get indicted, that doesn’t mean you’re going to prison. There will still be a trial. All the evidence you saved? We can use that for your defense. A jury will believe you. I willmakea jury believe you. But you need to stay here and face this.”
“Facewhat? If they’re going to arrest me, they can do it in Indiana just as well as in New York,” I tell him. I’m already on theDelta website, searching for the earliest available flight. There’s one at ten thirty that I can make if I hurry.
“Dan, this isn’t?—”
“Fuck this!” I roar. “I’ve spent two years in Indiana waiting to find out if my life was over, and while I was waiting, I found a new one. I made a new life that was good and…and…happy. I was happy in a way I never thought I could be, and it was only a temporary bout of madness that made me walk away from it.”
I shrug on my suit jacket and reach for my suitcase.
“If they want me, they know where to find me.”
CHAPTER 39
CARSON
“Ibrought you a Coke,” Grace says, creeping into the little curtained area in the Bloomington emergency room where I’ve been for the last six hours. It’s almost midnight, and I’m exhausted, and I’m sticky from dried sweat and smelly and my ankle hurts and my heart is broken.
Dan
