"I'm good, Dad."
My chest constricted because I always worried if it was too soon. There was so much judgment and expectation; I felt like I was drowning.
"All that matters is how you feel in here." Sofia rested her hand over my beating heart.
I could easily admit that I liked Eve. That it would be nice to have her in our lives. But was it that simple?
Could Sofia enjoy having her around as much as I did? It seemed too good to be true. "I don't know if that's what Eve wants."
Sofia just gave me a look. "You should have asked her to stay for dinner."
"She said she had to get home."
Sofia rolled her eyes. "Who wants to clean their house and do laundry?"
"Adults." I sensed that Eve was feeling a little vulnerable and exposed. She needed space. I didn't like the idea, but I couldn't blame her. At times, I felt that same way. That maybe I was making the wrong decision and I needed to pull back.
But that was mainly when I thought about what other people would say. When I focused on what I wanted, I felt surer about everything.
"If something happens, we'll take things slow, and I'll keep you apprised."
"I don't need to see you two kissing."
I laughed. "Noted."
The movie came back on, and I texted Eve.
Maddox: Get caught up on your laundry?
She sent me an image of a basket piled high with clothes.
Eve: Working on it.
Maddox: Sofia wanted you to stay for dinner.
Eve: Did you?
Maddox: Yes.
I was getting better at telling her what I wanted. It wasn't enough, but it was a start. I was so used to putting Sofia's needs first; it was hard to figure out what I wanted underneath everything else.
I liked having Eve in my space and sleeping in the guest room. I'd prefer she was in my room, but we had time for that step.
Maybe next time, she'd feel comfortable staying longer. I needed to find more reasons to invite her over.
When the movie ended, Sofia was already asleep. So I carried her to her room. I hadn't invited Eve over tonight. I wanted to see her in the light of the day. Things had changed between us, and I wasn't going to go back to how things were.
The support group met on Wednesdays, so I dropped Sofia off with my parents for the evening and drove to the church where the group met in the basement.
I'd signed up, stating I'd be there, but now that I was sitting in the parking lot, watching other people go inside, I was nervous. Did I belong here? Could I share my thoughts with strangers?
Feeling like an imposter, I got out of my car, made my way to the door that everyone was using, and went down the stairs to the basement. The chairs were in a circle formation which meant there was nowhere to hide. Refreshments were on a table against the wall. My stomach was knotted, so I took a seat in the middle hoping I wouldn't get called on during my first meeting.
The person who was leading the group introduced herself as Joan. "Thanks to everyone who could make it tonight. We have one new person." Joan looked at me. "Why don't you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about why you're here?"
So much for flying under the radar. "I'm Maddox Knight, and I'm here because my wife, Marla, died a couple of years ago. I'mraising our daughter now. I have my parents for help, but it's hard."
A few people nodded in solidarity.
