"Why are you so hell-bent on being in her Christmas parade?" I growled, wishing I could wipe that grin off his face.
Eve Palmer had waltzed into the firehouse in a red dress and stilettos with baked goods. No man could resist her. But I was annoyed that Steve had gotten to her first. He was single and easygoing. He didn't have any baggage or a deceased spouse in his background. He'd be the ideal choice for a woman like her.
Steve sighed. "I'm not sure why you're against it. As the future chief, you know how important community interaction is for the department. The more we can connect with people, the easier our message gets through. If one person remembers to change out their alarm batteries, purchases a fire extinguisher for their kitchen, or a fire ladder for their bedroom, then we've done our job."
Everything Steve was saying was reasonable. But I couldn't get the image of his hand on Eve's lower back out of my head. I was positive every firefighter was wondering if she was single.
I was still grieving my wife's death and trying to survive fatherhood as a single parent. It wasn't easy, and I didn't want or need a date to the holiday party. "Why did he insist she go as my date?"
Steve stood up and leaned a hip against the heavy wood desk. "We understand why you're grumpy, but you can't be like that with other people. If you want to be the chief, you need to be affable."
I growled at his suggestion. I didn't want to be affable. I just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn't I hole myself up in this office and bury myself in paperwork?
"You're the best man for the job, or at least you were before Marla died. Everyone understands that you're grieving, but if you want the job, you have to act the part. The public needs to feel comfortable approaching the chief and asking for things. Otherwise, why are we here?" He threw up his hands.
"But why a date specifically? No one expects me to have moved on yet."
Steve looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. "It's been two years."
I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean.
He looked away from me. "I think Frank likes Eve, and what's not to like? She's beautiful?—"
"You shouldn't be flirting with people in the community."
"I was being nice? What you're supposed to be? We welcome people to the firehouse, not scare them off." Steve shook his head and walked out, leaving me alone.
He was correct about my demeanor. I couldn't bring myself to be nice at the moment. Not when everything felt so difficult; getting Sofia out the door in the morning for school was like climbing a mountain in thin air. I felt like I'd never get to the top. Then I had to do the whole thing over again the next day.
I was merely surviving, and that wasn't good enough. But I wasn't ready for anything else.
Franked walked in. "Good. You're still here."
I wasn't sure I wanted to stick around for a lecture, but Frank stood in the door, blocking my exit. "This will be good for you."
"I don't see how." I was desperate to get out of the holiday party. I wanted to stay home and watch princess movies. That was how badly I didn't want to interact with the guys in the department or anyone else for that matter. Why couldn't I just hide out at home forever?
Frank stepped inside and closed the door. "Have a seat."
I sat down, waiting for the well-meaning lecture which was sure to come.
Frank stood at his desk with his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry about Marla. It sucks that she died so young, leaving you to raise Sofia alone. But I'm wondering if you've given yourself permission to feel better."
My brows furrowed. "I don't understand."
"It's like you're punishing yourself. You have to be miserable or you're not honoring her."
I shook my head. "I don't think that's what I'm doing."
Frank sat with a sigh. "I'm sure you don't know either. But I want you to talk to someone."
As soon as I opened my mouth, he held up his hand. "It's not a request. If you want to stay on active duty, you'll talk to a therapist. I'll send you a referral."
"Are you saying you'll fire me?" I asked, incredulous that it had come to this.
"I'm saying I'll put you on leave if you don't do something about your mental health. You're jeopardizing your relationship with the other guys and your promotion."
The pressure on my chest intensified.
