I walk into my house and instantly pick up my phone and pull up the calendar, trying to match the date to when my last period was.
By the time Nikki walks through my door, I’m in full panic mode, and it only takes one look at me for her to realize it.
She places her hands on either side of my arms. “Okay, let’s breathe. Don’t panic.”
“I’m panicking.”
She hands me the bag she’s holding. “Well then … let’s find out for sure before you panic then. No need to get all worked up until you know.”
I take it from her and walk to my bathroom, shaking as I open the test. After I use the bathroom, I place it on the box and head back to the kitchen, where Nikki is standing, waiting for me.
“It’s done. I can’t look. Give it a minute, and then you have to go in there and check,” I say as I head to the couch and plop down.
She sits next to me and places her hand on my knee. “Do you want to talk about it beforehand? Sometimes, it’s nice to know your thoughts before you know for sure.”
I shake my head, staring straight ahead, not saying a word.
She’s right. I’m not going to think about it until I know there’s something to think about.
The next few minutes go by slower than I thought humanly possible. Each second feels like ten, and each minute feels like an hour.
When she gets up to go check it, my stomach sinks.
This is it. The rest of my life comes down to what a stick I just peed on says.
She doesn’t say a word, so when I turn to face her, I see she doesn’t need to say anything.
Her face says it all.
I take a large inhale and nod my head slowly as she comes to sit next to me.
“What are you thinking?” she asks and gives me time to reply as I let everything sink in.
I close my eyes and let out another breath. “I don’t know.”
“You have options,” she says timidly.
I shake my head. “I’ll never judge anyone who goes through with that, but, no, it’s not an option for me.”
She rubs her lips together as a slow grin grows across her face. “Then, we’re having a baby.” Her voice rises slightly with every word. “I get to be an auntie.”
A tear slips from my eye. “I’m having a baby.”
“You’re having a baby!”
She wraps her arms around me as I nod, still in disbelief.
28
Kara
Nikki hadto get to work, so I spend the entire day alone, trying to figure out how to tell Silas that I’m pregnant. The fact that I have no clue how he’ll respond is what is making it so hard. Since he took me to Disneyland, I would think he wants kids, but we’ve only been together for a few months.
Yes, it’s been going very well, but that doesn’t mean he wants to spend forever with me. We haven’t even saidI love youyet.
He must be having a busy day at work because I haven’t heard from him at all. I don’t know if I would have been able to hide what’s going on if he had called, so I’m at least thankful for that.
What I can’t wrap my head around is if I’m happy, worried, scared, or what? It’s like I’m a bundle of emotions that can change anytime from one to the next. I’ve cried, I’ve paced, I’ve stared at myself in the mirror, imagining what is going on inside of me. It’s been a whirlwind of thoughts that I wish I weren’t going through on my own. I just don’t want to share with anyone else until I tell Silas.
