“No kid should have to think about where their next meal is coming from,” Sarah says, leaning her head into me for support.
“It’s sad how many kids do.” I sigh before continuing, “When I turned back to my mom, she was passed out, so I hopped off the couch. Funny how I still remember how freezing my toes were through the holes in my socks on the cold floor.”
“Your memory associates physical feelings of things to help you remember,” Sarah says as she starts to play with my fingertips like she’s associating physical touch with this moment right now.
“As I made my way through the living room, the front door was kicked in. I remember standing there in shock as a man towered over our entryway. I’d been in some sticky situations, but standing there by myself with my mom passed out was the most terrified I’d ever been.”
She curls into my side, her strength wrapping around me like a glove.
“He asked me where she was, and I just screamed and ran to my room to hide under my bed. Thankfully, he didn’t follow, but the screams and the sound of my mom’s body being flung around was almost worse than if he had. When it got silent, I held my breath, praying whatever had just happened was over and whoever it was would leave. The sound of his footsteps were beyond terrifying. I remember not feeling like I could breathe; my heart was pounding so fast. When he pulled me out from under the bed, I thought I was going to pass out; I was so scared.”
Sarah sits up in a rush and turns to face me, placing her hand on my cheek. “Oh, Adam.”
My eyes meet hers, and I have to blink away tears I feel forming, which frustrates me even more. That woman doesn’t deserve my emotions; they died with her years ago.
I try to push Sarah away, but she doesn’t budge. Instead, she gets closer. Making me look her in the eyes.
I lean my head back against the rest as I stare at her.
“I’m so sorry to hear this. I don’t care what age you were, you shouldn’t have had to go through that.”
I bite my inner lip, needing to finish my story and hoping I can make it through.
“He dragged me out of my room and down to the living room. Visions of my mom covered in blood made me want to throw up, so I covered my mouth, afraid even more of what this man would do if I threw up on him.”
I break our line of vision and stare up at the sky. “He dropped me on the ground and leaned down to my level. The smell of cigarettes and BO made me feel even sicker to my stomach. He told me to keep my mouth shut or that he’d be back for me.”
“Adam,” Sarah says, trying to get me to look at her again.
I pull away, not wanting anyone’s pity, instantly going back to the defenses I’ve put up for years, but her other hand comes up and stops me, forcing me to look at her. We lock eyes, and I’m done for.
This girl can forever do no wrong in my eyes from this moment on.
The strength she’s giving me just through her touch affects me to the core. I know Linda cares for me, and my bandmates are like family, but I’ve never had the voluntarily true care of a woman like the way she’s showing me right now.
I allow her to catch me as I fall for her even more. I pause, breathing in this newfound feeling running through me.
She takes me in, running her finger down my face before asking me to continue. “Is that when Linda came into the picture?”
“Not for a few years. It was two days until I was able to get help. We lived in a run-down shack behind some guy’s property, and he was gone for Christmas. It wasn’t until he got back that I got some help.”
My stomach turns at the thought of those days that I’ve pushed aside for years now.
“He called the police, and I thought everything would be better, but it wasn’t. I was tossed from foster home to foster home. I was afraid to speak for years after that. Foster parents got fed up with me either not communicating the way they wanted or storing food in my room just in case it was the last time I got a meal.”
Her gasps remind me of just how sad that is. At the time, I was still in survival mode. I’d get picked up and left at a new house with nothing but a garbage bag of the clothes that were either too big or too small.
“Not every kid is assigned a CASA, only the truly troubled ones. I guess I was lucky.”
She pulls her leg under her, so she’s more comfortable, facing me. I tuck a lock of hair that fell in front of her face behind her ear. When she leans into my touch, I can’t help but take in the moment and realize how happy I am to be here with her.
“So, how old were you when you met Linda?”
I think about that time and allow myself to poke at the boy I was. “Thirteen. Man, I was such an ass.”
“You had the right to be,” she says.
I sigh. “Linda didn’t think so. She was the first person to truly take an interest in me.”
