"Anytime. I’ve missed you. How have youbeen?"
We used to be close friends… that is until Amy stormed into ourlives.
"I've been really good actually. Long story short, I think I'm in love, and get this, it's my little sister's best friend." I hit his arm like guysdo.
"Tracy's?" he asks indisbelief.
"Yep. There's kind of a crazy story behind it, but none of that matters now. I just found out she has something called aglioblastoma."
His head drops to his chest. "Fuck. I was really hoping you weren’t gonna saythat."
"That bad, huh?" I ask, rubbing myeyes.
He nods, grabbing his phone to look up more info on her diagnosis. "Howlong?"
"They say a year to fifteen months." I look off into nothing, afraid if I see his face, my emotions will get the best ofme.
He touches my shoulder. "They must have caught it pretty early, because that’s a good time frame for something so serious. I’ve heard people can go in mere months. I'm really sorry,Connor."
He researches some more before filling me in on her cancer and the prognosis. Every word he says fills me with more dread and hopelessness. This is truly turning into the worst day of mylife.
My heart aches, and I envision her having to live through this, knowing her time is limited. My chest tightens when I picture her face and the way she bites her lip when she’s thinking, but mainly I recall the way her smile lights up myworld.
“How long have you been seeing her?” heasks.
“A month or so,” I sip my whiskey. The beer I started with wasn’t nearly enough to calm my shakynerves.
“I don't want you to be that guy, but are you sure this is worth it? You could walk away. It hasn’t been thatlong.”
I’m flabbergasted by his suggestion, especially coming from him. “I can’tbelieve—”
He places a hand on my shoulder. “I was testing you. I wanted to see what your initial reaction wouldbe.”
I drop my chin to mychest.
“I’m still in shock to hear you not only have a girlfriend, but you’re willing to deal with all of this. You’re fucked.” He laughs, and I want to flip him off. “Do you finally get why I was a mess overAmy?”
I let out a small laugh. “Did I ever apologize for that?” I ask inshame.
“Yeah. It’s all good. That’s in the past. I’m glad I can be here for younow.”
We chat for an hour or so and I leave the bar completely broken, not sure what I'll do but knowing I have to do something. I’ve spent my life looking for what my parents found in each other, that life partner who’s there through the good and bad. The one person you know will hold your hand no matterwhat.
I thought I’d found it with my ex from high school, but that was just young love. Not something that is long-lasting and soul-gripping.
Not like withMackenzie.
How do I go on, knowing she’s not my forever? But how do I walk away? I can’t. I’m in the worst place possible and don’t have a clue how to make itbetter.
13
Dear Diary,
This secret is eating awayat me. I can’t bring myself to tell him but I’m terrified I’m going to hurt him. Then I get even more scared when I think it’s too late and he’s going to get hurt no matter what. Why was I so selfish going after him? Why did I let this go further than that one night? I’m the one that’s going to hurt him. I’m not sure how I can live with myself if I do. Being stuck between a rock and a hard place never made as much sense as it does rightnow.
Mackenzie
Connor
