"But she's in a study? So they think they might have acure?"
The wordcuremakes me choke up. I hold me breath, praying she gives me the answer Iwant.
"They said it's a long shot, because it's still so unknown, but she felt it was worth the risk. It was the study, or go through all kinds of treatments, knowing they would only prolong her life for a limited time and she would still die. The medication would make her sick, and she didn’t want to be miserable the last months of herlife."
I press my lips together, saddened by the thought of her living like this. I wouldn’t want to go through those treatments either, especially if I had been given a deathsentence.
All alonetoo.
The idea of her keeping this from me works its way into my brain. We’ve only spent a short time together, but I feel we were really getting to know each other. Yet she’s been keeping this life-altering secret the entiretime.
I rub my eyes, trying to imagine what’s been going through herhead.
"She's made this list.” Tracy blurts out, breaking into my thoughts. “It's basically a bucket list, but more her style. Did she seek you out in someway?"
I let out a quick laugh. "Um, yeah, we won't gothere."
"Ew, god, please don't." She fake gags. "You must have been on her list. She said she's had a crush on you for years. I don't understand why." She grins, and I can't help but laugh. "Who knows what she truly wanted out of this, with you, but I guess it’s good to say you've helped check off a pretty big box on her list. I should thank you for that. I just want her to be happy. And dammit, she was the happiest I've ever seen her lastnight.”
"I appreciate you looking out for me, I really do, but I'm a big boy. I can take it, and you know what, for her…." I pause. "I think she's worth it. What did Mom always say to us? 'You would have missed the dance?'" Paraphrasing from her favorite Garth Brooks song,The Dance. There may be pain but the dance before it is worthit.
Hm, I guess I lied to Mackenzie earlier. I do know one countrysong.
"I love you, brother. You know that, right?" she says, and I laugh. "No, seriously. You make me proud to call you my brother sometimes." She gets up and comes over to hugme.
"Thanks for telling me," I say, trying stop the sting hitting the back of myeyes.
She nods and slips out of myoffice.
I have no clue what I'm going to do now, but first thing first. I need to call my friend, Alan. We recently had a bit of a fight when I thought I had feelings for his ex-girlfriend. It was a long messy thing, and looking back I realize how he must'vefelt.
We've only spoken a few times since then, but he's a forth-year resident at UCSF, and hopefully he'll be able to fill me in on everything I need toknow.
"Connor?" he answers, sounding confused to see my name flashing across hisscreen.
"Yeah. I hope I caught you at a good time, because I need your help." He must sense the seriousness in my voice because I can hear him remove himself from the echo that was originally surroundinghim.
"You know I'm here for you. What do youneed?"
"You're never going to believe this shit. I found my dream girl, and I was just told she has a braintumor."
"Connor...." he sighs into the phone. "Are youserious?"
"Unfortunately, yes." I sigh. "Can we meet for drinks tonight, let me pick yourbrain?"
"Of course. I'm off at six. Same place asalways?"
"Yeah. Thanks, man," I reply with a sense ofrelief.
"No prob. See you then." He hangsup.
* * *
When I walkinto our favorite place, Alan’s sitting at the bar alone, drinking beer from a bottle. It’s been awhile since we’ve gotten together, and it’s nice we can go right back to where we were before everything blewup.
He stands to shake my hand and give me a sidehug.
"Thanks for meeting me,Alan."
