Chapter Twenty-Four
Evangeline
Istayedup all night thinking both about my kiss with Secret and Cole’s behavior. So many feelings are running through me; feelings I’ve stayed away from for years now. The thoughts have me staying in all day and hiding from the world.
Curled up on my couch in my sweats with my hair in a ponytail, I’m shocked when there’s a knock on my door.
Looking through the peephole, I see Kamii, and happiness fills my body. I gladly open the door, but my smile fades when I see the infant carrier sitting on the floor in front of my place.
The sight stings my chest. I’ve been doing so well dealing with the birth of Becca, but with my mind going crazy from both Secret and Cole, too many memories are coming on too strong and having her spring this on me, not being able to mentally prepare, might be too much.
I try to hide my true feelings. “Hey, girl.” I open the door wide, welcoming her in before taking a deep breath.
“Hi, I hope you don’t mind me dropping in like this. I had to get out of the house, and I wanted to go over some stuff with you for the club, so instead of calling, I took the chance and ran.” She stops to laugh. “Well, ran as fast as I could when having to get Becca ready and pack everything I need for her. Being a mom is exhausting.”
I smile, but inside, all I can think is I’ll never know what you mean.
We walk over to the couch, and she removes Becca from her carrier, sitting down and holding her tiny body against her chest.
“So, we have a few new members who want to come in, and one who is leaving,” she states, getting right to business.
I’m still standing, not noticing that I’m staring at Becca and Kamii pauses, looking up at me. She closes the files she had opened and sits back in her chair.
“What’s up, buttercup?” she asks, bringing me from my trance. “You want to talk about something?”
I plop down, defeated. “No. Yes.” I shake my head and rub my eyes. “I just don’t know.”
“Don’t know what?”
“Things. Life. Love. All of it.”
“Whoa, that’s a change of pace for you.”
“I know. God, I’m a mess.”
“You’re not a mess. You’re human. So tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“It’s more about what’s going on in my heart,” I admit.
“Really?” she asks, surprised. “What happened? Is this about your teacher?”
The entire time I’ve known her I’ve been very blasé about sex and relationships. She’s heard me talk about dates I’d go on and even guys I’ve hooked up with at our office. All of it was for fun, nothing more. Now, here I am at a place where this kind of attitude is supposed to happen, and I’m all messed up.
“So my teacher is also a lawyer with the other firm we’re working on the big case with.”
“What? Really?”
“Right? So, we’ve been hanging out a lot working on the case together. And.” I sigh. “I’m actually starting to like him.”
“That’s great!” She jumps up in excitement. Well, as much as she can while still holding Becca.
“Is it, though? I don’t know. And then last night.” I pause, not sure how to proceed.
“Yes…” she drags out, egging me on.
“It’s this Secret guy. There’s just something about him. Something that’s bringing back memories I’m not ready to handle.”
“Like what?” Becca starts to fuss, and Kamii bounces her lightly in her arms before standing up, reaching to hand her to me. “Here, can you hold her while I get her diaper ready?”
