“Really? Interesting. I also found another thing most of those men had in common.”
“Agatha?”
“Yes.”
I rubbed my face, not surprised but shaken by how many had been ruined because of that woman, caught in her web. “How come nobody figured out that something wasn’t right? It’s not a small coincidence.”
“Twenty years is a long time for any investigator to miss a pattern. If they had been missing children, or even missing women, someone would’ve investigated more thoroughly.”
Good to know.
“The number could be higher,” I said. “Not every missing person gets reported, right? Like me.”
“True. I still find it hard to believe no one reported you missing.”
“I barely had any friends back then. I stayed away from the gay scene, and my interactions with people in the industry were superficial. Once I met Eliot, I didn’t want to make more friends—he was enough.”
Hayden sighed. “Well, if it helps, I can see why you fell for him; he’s charming like the devil.”
Bile burned in the back of my throat. “I’m glad you’re impressed.”
Hayden held my hand and stroked it with his thumb. “Strictly an observation. I’m putting together everything I can before going to the FBI. Agatha is shaping up to be our strongest link, but I prefer to see what else we can find.”
“Will your aunt be able to get you access to the FBI? You mentioned she doesn’t work there anymore.”
“Yeah, it was a mess when she left, but she can probably direct me to the right people.” He didn’t sound fully convinced.
“I’m sure The Society has people in the FBI who’ll get in your way.”
“That is why I’m taking it slowly. At the moment, I only care about gathering information without drawing attention. I’m still working on those mugshots based on what you’ve told me about Bo. I’ll get an update once they’re ready.”
There was something I needed to ask—something that had been nagging at me ever since Hayden returned into my life. “I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to think before answering.”
“I don’t believe I’ll like that question, but all right.”
“If I weren’t involved in this case, would you still go through with the investigation despite being told to drop it?”
He remained silent for a long time before finally saying, “I would have dropped it. There are other cases waiting on my desk.”
I exhaled, not surprised but troubled. “Then please rethink your decision. I don’t want you to risk your job or your life because of me.”
“And what’s the alternative? You’ll wait another year for them to show up and hurt you? You’ll keep walking with a tracker for the rest of your life?”
“Yes. I’ve been doing that for over a decade, and I’m fine.”
He snorted. “You’re notfine, Jonah. Have you ever been to therapy? Did you talk to anyone about what happened?”
My skin grew hot. “I spoke with a shrink.”
“How many times?”
“For four years. I’m not fucking stupid, Hayden; I knew I should talk to someone.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid. Why did you stop going?”
“Because I was fine.” Though I never told Rebecca about the needles that calmed me down, the tracker in my leg, or the yearly visits. “I went to her when I could afford to pay. After a few sessions, she offered me a discount, so I kept seeing her for years, every single week. Rent, bills, food, and Rebecca—that was how I spent my money.” She had been the one who encouraged me to try sex again, something I had refused to do for years. Since being let go and returning to LA, I had perceived sex as an act of evil, a means of control and degradation. It took a long time and a handful of bad experiences before I could once again enjoy another man’s touch and intimacy.
“I’m glad you got help.”
