Calyra chuckled. “Stubborn and shy. An interesting combination. Reminds me of your parents.”
“Are shadows always like this? So…” I searched for the word, still staring at my fingers. “Animated?”
The elderly woman shrugged. “They’re a part of you. They have little personalities, as you’ll quickly find out. You just have to get to know them. But now that you’ve found them, Devora,” she leaned in and shook a finger at me, “they won’t ever leave. They willalwaysbe with you. And that’s a promise.”
I nodded and swallowed, wondering if this woman could see to the core of my emotions better than even I could.
Don’t leave me.
The last thing I’d said before my shadows finally broke free. As if they’d been waiting.
“Where is—” I bit my tongue before sayingNox, and instead switched to, “everyone else?”
“Waiting for you. But if you need the day to rest?—”
I was already throwing the blanket off. “No more waiting.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and planted my feet on the floor. “I’m ready.”
I was not ready.
These obstinate shadows made me want to jump off a cliff. I’d spent three hours staring at my hands so hard, I was going cross-eyed.
Thecae had me working on summoning. He made it seem so simple—as easy as breathing. His shadows came to him withbarely a thought, wrapping around his arms and retreating at will.
We sat on the floor of the training grounds practicing my breathing. I worked on getting my mind to relax and opening myself up to what I’d let in the night before.
I had gotten to the point where I could get little wisps to come out and slide along my fingers, but any time I tried to conjuremoreor make themdosomething, it was like the little buggers freaked out and went into hiding.
“You havegotto be kidding me,” I said with a frustrated grunt. I’d finally managed to form a small ball of shadows in the palm of my hand, only for it to flatten back out and dissipate. “Is this what it’s like to have children?”
Across the open space, Arowyn snorted. I shot her a bland look. She’d been sparring with other trainees all morning, both with physical weapons and with their magic. It was intriguing to watch. They would mold their shadows into weapons and shields, while she strode from one spot to another in the blink of an eye, getting in little swipes here and there with her blade. They were all so quick to react, their magic coming to them like second nature.
Other trainers filtered in around us from time to time, but we mostly had the grounds to ourselves. Calyra had made us all breakfast and now observed from a window overlooking us.
But Nox and Everett were nowhere to be found.
I pushed them out of my head and closed my eyes, shaking out the tension from my shoulders. I sent my mind back to the bonfire last night. To those feelings of hopelessness and rejection, the heartache of letting it all in after twenty-three years of repressing the worst of my inner fears.
The whispers started back up, like disembodied voices swimming to the surface of my subconscious. They hummed in my ear, and with it, I felt shadows licking at my hand.
I kept my eyes closed. They were too skittish. I couldn’t let them think I was watching.
Something tickled the sensitive skin on the inside of my wrist. The corner of my lip twitched, but I didn’t look.
Hello,there, I said softly in my mind. The voices hushed at the sound, and my shadows swelled, as if taking a breath.
I feel you, I thought, pushing my internal voice toward them.You feel like a friend.
Something warm wrapped around my wrist and slowly scooted up my arm. I smiled and tightened my shut eyes. Maybe they had the same fears and doubts I did. Maybe they, like me, needed a little push.
Thank you, I whispered to the thin threads.For being with me last night. I don’t know what it’s like to have this magic, but Calyra says you’ll always be there. That nothing can take you from me.
The same feeling pulsed in my other hand, then twisted up to my elbow.I’m sorry it took me so long to find you. But I won’t let you go again, I promise.
A warmth spread through my chest. I took another deep breath, and my shoulders sagged slightly. I wasn’t used to acknowledging these emotions. It left me raw but filled at the same time.
“Open your eyes, Devora,” Thecae murmured.
I opened them.
