“This is Chaz,” Lark said. "Tact isn’t his strong suit.”
“Sorry for being the only one with the balls to address the elephant in the room,” he said, shrugging. “The way I figure, she was put in a tough position by someone abusing their power over her. Come on, we’ve all been there. Do Ilikewhat she did? No. Do I think it’s possible to work with her because we’re all on the same side now? Sure.”
He glanced back at me. “And I think you know if you try anything like that again, Nox over here will be the least of your problems. Don’t you, gorgeous?” He winked at me with that same grin still on his face.
“I wouldnever. I—” I tore my gaze from Chaz and found Clarissa, who was still by the door with her arms crossed. “I promise, Your Majesty. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I know I can’t undo the wrong I’ve done, but Icanchoose what I do next. That’s what these last five weeks have been about. Building trust and…and learning what I want to fight for.” The words came to me without thinking, ones I’d wanted to say to her since I found out what Scarven was doing to his people.
“Thisis it. I want to fight for Veridians. I want to fight for the ones who have only known fear. I want to fight so people like me aren’t taken advantage of again.” I glanced at Nox at that part, then back to Clarissa. “You all may not believe me, but that’s the truth. And I’m so sorry, Clarissa.”
The entire room held its breath. I knew this moment wouldcome, the awkward apologies, the testing, the laying it all on the line. If they wanted me gone, it was better to do it before the celebrations began. I just needed them toknow.
Clarissa’s stare weighed on me, a flicker of uncertainty in those dark eyes. Each passing second caused a string around my heart to tighten further. She quickly glanced over at Nox, and the corner of her eyes narrowed by a fraction. Observing. Sifting. Calculating.
And then the side of her mouth lifted. Not much, but enough to send tentative hope soaring through me.
“I believe you, Devora,” she finally said. Her voice was soft but firm. “I held on to my bitterness for a long time, thinking it was myrightto be angry with you.” Her brow furrowed as she swallowed.
“But then I realized…I was becoming no better than Lady Reaux. Nox told me you’ve been invaluable with whatever business you two have gotten up to, and honestly, it didn’t surprise me one bit.” That infinitesimal smile rose a little bit further. “You’ve always been capable. You were the girl with a dagger beneath her skirt and liquor down her dress.”
I bit my lip as tears sprang to my eyes at her words.
“Everything turned out exactly as it was supposed to be,” she said, almost in a whisper. “If I’m being honest with myself, I think I forgave you a long time ago, Devora.”
I let out a heavy breath. That simple sentence releasedmonthsof guilt I’d worn on my shoulders like an old cloak. Always there, lingering in the back of my mind. I wasn’t perfect, but I knew who I was now. I knew where my loyalties lay and who I wanted to stand beside. But I’d still been holding on to the heartache I’d caused, still dreading that others would always see the worst in me.
You’re not the sum of your past.
Maybe Nox was right.
Maybe I could let the self-loathing go.
Maybe I could move forward without the guilt pressing in on my ribs, without the constant struggle to prove myself. Maybe I could stop believing I deserved to be in pain. To be unwanted.To be used.
All I could do was nod, afraid if I opened my mouth, tears would come rushing down my face. Clarissa held out her hand with a small smile, and I crossed to the doors and took it, squeezing tight.
“Congratulations, by the way,” I said, then cleared my throat. “I’m so happy for you and Lord Reaux.”
Clarissa’s nose scrunched. “Lord Reaux. That’s a title he hasn’t heard in a long time. We’re just Rissa and Thorne around here.” Her eyes sparkled, the same vibrant empress I remembered. I wanted happiness for her now, the same as I had back then.
“You two must be hungry,” Rose said from behind us. “We can catch up while you eat. I want to hear all about how living with Nox has been. Has he made you want to rip his head off yet?”
“Daily,” I said. The others laughed. I snuck him a look and found him smirking at me, rubbing his thumb slowly along his bottom lip.
“I remember meeting him at the Decemvirate last year and thinking he was absolutely insufferable.” Rose gave him a saccharine smile. “But I guess he turned out alright.”
“There’s the viper I know,” he drawled.
Nox and I sat down on the couch in front of a small table with a plate of sandwiches and glasses of water. The others took their seats in various chairs, lounging casually as we talked. Thorne had joined us after putting Marigold to bed, and he rubbed Clarissa’s shoulders where she sat by the fire.
When Rose settled in across from me, I asked, “Were you in the Decemvirate, too? With Nox and Arowyn?”
Rose nodded. “I was Feywood’s challenger. That’s how I met this group of stragglers. Fates, I haven’t heard from Arowyn in forever. Is she in Drakorum?”
“Yeah, she’s doing great,” I said, taking a bite of my sandwich. “Always makes us laugh. And her powers are amazing. She’s been a huge help with rescuing Scarven’s prisoners, and?—”
At my words, Clarissa jerked her head up right as Nox stiffened.I immediately stopped talking and looked between the two of them. “Did I say something wrong?”
“What’s she talking about? What prisoners?” Clarissa’s voice was a growl, her dark brown eyes heating to the gold of her fox half.
