Nox cleared his throat. “Imaynot have been entirely forthcoming in our chats, Rissa.”
“Don’t you dare ‘Rissa’ me. Scarven is takingprisoners? What’s going on? You told me everything was under control!”
My stomach dropped as I realized my mistake. I turned to Nox and hissed, “She doesn’t know?”
He sighed. “Look, Rissa, you were just crowned six weeks ago, and then with the wedding…I didn’t know how to put that on you. I’ve got people helping me. We?—”
“Oh, you havepeople. I’m so relieved,” she spat. “I’m the Empress of the Veridian Empire, Nox. I could have sent anarmy.”
“And that’s exactly the kind of catalyst that would start a civil war!” Nox’s voice rose. “One I don’t think you could win right now. You don’t understand what Scarven is doing. How powerful he’s grown. If he’s provoked, I’m afraid no army would be able to stop him. That’s why we’re trying to dismantle him from the inside.”
“Of course I don’t understand what he’s doing, because you haven’ttoldme anything! Fates, Nox, don’t you realize how this looks?” She pointed at her chest. “I’ve been doing nothing while this man is takingmypeople. For what? What is he doing to them?”
Nox closed his eyes, the column of his throat moving as he swallowed hard. “He’s doing experiments. On their magic.”
A silence fell over the room. Rose let out a breath and whispered, “Like the ones that were done on you.”
He didn’t say anything, but his hands curled at his sides. I wondered how much Rose knew about his past. I wondered if any of them knew how his nightmares still tortured him, decades later. If they knew how hard he was working to keep others from the samefate.
“This isunbelievable,” Clarissa said on an exhale, running shaky hands through her hair. “We have to do something.” Her eyes shot back to Nox, desperation evident on her features. “I can’t believe you kept this from me. I’m supposed to be the one tohelpthese people.”
“Rissa, please. I know you’re upset. I shouldn’t have hidden the truth, and for that, I’m truly sorry. But you know he has my sister.” Nox moved forward on the couch, his voice breaking. Clarissa’s face softened at the mention of Vera.
“Up until a few days ago, Scarven thought I was on his side,” Nox explained. “I was able to get prisoners out from right beneath his noseandkeep my sister alive. If I had told you, if you had come blazing through Drakorum with the Royal Guard, I would’ve lost every advantage I had. He would’ve retaliated five, ten,fifteentimes stronger. Trust me, I?—”
“That’s the problem, Nox,” Clarissa cut him off. She didn’t sound angry, merely resigned. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep trusting you.”
His shoulders fell. The look on his face gutted me—not because he was shocked, but because hewasn’t. It reminded me of the way I felt when I thought about my “punishment” all those months ago, convincing myself I deserved it.
Hedidn’t deserve any of this.
I gritted my teeth and instinctively moved closer to him. “Look, you haveno ideawhat he’s gone through.” A defensiveness I wasn’t used to lined my tone. “You don’t know what he’s doing to save innocent livesandprotect his sisterandstill find a way to bring Scarven down. It’s an impossible situation. He would sacrifice his life for any single one of you, and you know that.”
I looked around the room. “Should he have told you the truth? Probably. But if you’veevertrusted him, if you’ve ever put your faith in him because you know how good his heart is, then trust that he had a reason.” Turning back to him, my eyes flitted between his as I added, “We have to believewe’re more than our mistakes.”
Nox’s navy gaze shone brighter as he looked at me. His little finger came out to graze the edge of my hand on the couch between us. I thought he would move it away after a second, but to my surprise, he kept it there.
Clarissa closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. The air seemed to waver in her silence, waiting for her response.
“Alright. No fighting. What’s done is done, and all we can do is move forward.” She opened her eyes and leveled them on Nox. “But you’re done hiding things from me. Start at the beginning.”
53
Nox
Itold them everything. Every moment of trauma I kept buried, every secret, every fear.
Some of it they already knew, or in Rose’s case, had guessed. That Scarven had killed my father for his position as governor and taken my mother, sister, and me captive. That we had spent the last nineteen years under his hold. That he still had my sister, and that was the reason I kept doing his bidding and had stayed so quiet about the truth.
When I told them he was my half-brother, Clarissa practically jumped out of her chair. Her fair features blanched, her eyes widening in disbelief.
I pushed through the tension and described the Ashen Order, and how our main purpose was to rescue those innocent lives and give them refuge. Devora stepped in to talk about the Keep and the children who had found a home there. We gave them a shortened version of Devora’s role in all of this—the need for her to learn how to use her shadows, her infiltrating Scarven’s mansion, how he discovered the truth, and we attacked to get her out.
The longer we spoke, the more my guilt grew at having kept all of this from Clarissa. Iknewhow deeply she cared for her peopleand that learning how so many of them were suffering would weigh heavily on her heart.
In that moment, I realized how Devora had felt when offered the chance to learn more about her family. Because I would do anything to keep my sister safe—even if it meant potentially losing the trust of those I cared for.
That didn’t make it right. Nothing would ever make iteasy. It just…was. And I would have to live with this decision, good or bad, for the rest of my life.
